How to Effectively Set Goals in Life to Get Where You
Really Want to Be PART II
IN PART I WAS COVERED
1.
Your brain didn’t get the memo
2.
Your brain is a sponge
3.
Your brain likes it simple
NOW TO PART II
4.
Your brain likes repetition
Once you have your goal sentence go back to all of the words you
wrote down for Number 1 and write down everything you could do to achieve that
goal.
At this stage, this is not what you will do, this is what you
could do. By doing this, you are stretching (not straining) your brain to think
further than it would normally about your actions.
The problem we have is our brain is processing so much that a
lot of what it does is automatic (habit). To create new powerful actions, we
need to break past that automatic way of thinking.
As I explain it to clients:
You are going to start by telling me the obvious ideas and the
ideas that you mull over at 2 am but don’t do. You are also likely to share the
ideas that you’ve spent months agonising over whether you should do them or not
but something always seems to stop you.
And after that, we can fight through the assumptions of what can
be achieved. Overrule the doubts and limiting beliefs about your abilities and
get on to finding the real actions that will get you to where you want to go.
Then when you have a long list of things you could do, choose a
maximum of 5 actions that you will do to achieve your goal. It doesn’t mean you
won’t do more of the ideas on this list, just that at this stage you are
creating priority to concentrate on a maximum of 5 goals.
5.
Your brain can’t process too much (and it loves a hit of
the good stuff!)
When you’ve completed the above top tip, you need to work out
how you’re going to accomplish those 5 actions only ever have a maximum of 5
actions at any one time.
For me I put them on a small 8 cm squared post it note, because
in this way I know I’m not overloading my to do list.
The brain really hates it when you give it too much to process.
It’s like trying to load a basket in the supermarket with a trolleys worth of
shopping; stuff falls out!
Break down those 5 actions. This is useful for
a number of reasons:
Firstly, it helps your brain stay focused on the action you are
taking and the reasons why.
Secondly, it enables you to tick things off of your to do list.
This always has a sense of achievement and makes us feel good.
In fact clever scientists tell us that dopamine is released when
we achieve something (however small) and our brains love a hit of dopamine. It
is a neurotransmitter that our brain produces and enables us to stay focused,
motived and get things done.
So by breaking your goals down, you are rewarding your brain
with a hit of the good stuff and that gives you the much needed boost to keep
going. Especially if you are incorporating new things into your life that are challenging
you to think and act in a new way.
Lastly, when it comes to breaking it down you don’t need to
write a list. If you’re a lover of mindmaps, then create a simple version of
this. If you love a spreadsheet – go for it. And if you like it visual, draw
it.
Whatever you do, make sure the 5 actions from the above top tip
are broken down and visually near you so that you are able to keep focused on
what you want.
6.
Your brain doesn’t “get” now goals
Your brain may not appreciate the need to get on with the “Now”
Goals but your success does.
I’ve often seen clients struggling to achieve what they want to
because they’ve not factored in that little thing called life. For instance,
you may have a big ambition but you’ve not factored in spending time with
family and friends.
Big deal, right?
Short term sacrifice for long term gains, right?
While in principle I agree, the fact is that while you power on
to your big ambitions, your brain is still busy processing that sulky look on
your child’s/friends/partners/mum’s face that says “You never have time any
more.” And while you can justify that it’s “for the best” in your head, you can
create this automatic subconscious process of thoughts that is negative.
I’ve seen clients realize that the reason they’ve not getting to
where they want to go is because their brain has started to scupper their own
success! It has rationalized that if they keep working this hard, the people
they love will never love them again.
They realize in their head there are thoughts like “My
child/friend/partner/mum thinks I don’t care any more and they will leave me. I
can’t afford to achieve this I could lose everyone!”
I’ve seen the same happen when redecorating the
office/kitchen/kids room gets demoted for something else. Or when someone drops
their weekly trip to the gym or yoga session. Both of these examples create
negative emotions that subconsciously start to eat away at us.
So if you want to achieve big, have a list of Now goals too.
In my experience I help my clients prioritize the top Now goal and the top
action for the big ambition. And they don’t move onto the next action on either
list until both of the first actions are achieved.
7.
Your brain loves a coach
I hate to say it but going it alone is going to make it harder.
You need to find someone that’s going to help you get where you want to go. And
that is why a coach is so powerful. A coach is someone that will;
- Listen
so you can brain dump. Empty your head of all your thoughts,
what you’ve done so far, your worries, your failures, your concerns,
everything.
- Create
the space so
you can process everything that has been happening, what doesn’t seem to
be working, and find a way forward.
- Challenge
you. The
problem with turning to friends, family and colleagues is that they all
have their own views, ideas, beliefs, values and experiences. And no two
people are alike, as such while they may care deeply about you getting
what you want, they may try and steer you away from tough choices. Your
coach won’t. If anything, they will encourage you to find the things you
fear or steer clear of and help you find a way to remove those obstacles
so they never feature in your life again!
- Cheer
lead you. Sometimes
what we need more than anything is a reminder of how awesome we are. The
problem is that if you go around asking your friends for that and you can
look needy, arrogant or a bit egocentric. However, we all need a cheer
leader. This is not just to inflate your ego, but it’s remind you of how
you achieve. We all have natural ways of behaving that works for us and by
having a cheer leader on your side you can stay motivated and concentrate
on remembering what helped you achieve in the past and how to migrate
those skills, beliefs and actions to this moment in your life.
- Keep
you on track. Alas
we are so easily distracted. And even those going for big goals in life
can find that they are on a completely different path and have no idea how
it happened! Quite often, someone has suggested a great idea to you and
while it is a great idea, you need to challenge
yourself “Does this great idea fit into my big goal or is this a
distraction from it?” With a coach, they ask a lot of questions
so you can really understand your way of thinking and its impact on you
and your results. If you find yourself easily distracted, other good
questions to ask are “For what reason do I get distracted?” and “What is
it that I don’t want to face in my own path to success?” Facing your fears
and hidden negative assumptions is a massive part of getting to where you
want to go and a real power of a coach.
- Retrain
your brain. When
I first got my dog, she would bark at everything and when I say everything
I mean everything. A leaf in the garden would get as much
yapping noise as the postman. And for someone who has always had big dogs,
even though my dog is more like something Jim Henson created for Muppets,
she is not going to destroy my seaside peace and quiet (or my neighbours) What
has this to do with why you need the right coach to help you achieve your
goals? Well, my dog was on her own agenda and she hadn’t had
anyone explain to her that this wasn’t the best way of behaving. (The last
owners had got rid of her because she barked too much) She needed to
retrain so that she could be happy, but no one had told her this. A coach
will confront you with the hard lessons in life. In a nice way, I like to
say “I kick butt, with love!” My dog is welcome to bark when the doorbell
chimes or if she thinks there is an intruder but not at the bird having a
drink of water or the leaf that flutters across the lawn. Be
cautious of whose agenda you are on, does it serve the other party more
than you?Will it help you get the result you want?
And a word of caution about your coach:
If they do more talking than listening, they are not coaching
you. Your coach is there to help you process everything in your head, and that
can’t happen if someone is adding more to your brain.
A coach listens for over 60% of the conversation. It is an
unusual conversation because the coach’s view is irrelevant, the only person
that matters in the conversation is you.
So if you aren’t getting that from the person you rely on to
help you achieve your big goals, then they aren’t coaching you to success, they
are trying to tell you how to be successful.
And while mentoring and consulting have their place in helping
people to get where they want to go in life, to really get there you need to
find your own answers. And hopefully in this article I’ve helped you do just
that.
Mandie Holgate
https://www.lifehack.org/798271/goals-in-life
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