PERSONAL SPECIAL..... How to Effectively Set Goals in Life to Get Where You Really Want to Be PART I

How to Effectively Set Goals in Life to Get Where You Really Want to Be PART I

I’d love 1 penny for every time I’ve been able to help someone achieve their big goals fast with the idea I’m going to share today. It’s that frequent that I’d be a millionaire a good few times over!

Often people looking to get somewhere in life advise that they have:

• Read 100’s of books
• Watched tons of Ted talks
• Attended workshops and masterclasses around the world
• Invested in programmes
• Wrote a journal
• Changed their lifestyle

And even transformed what time they get up in the morning and yet miraculously they’ve not achieved their goals.

What can possibly have stopped them when they’ve put so much effort into achieving more? And can you really share one thought and change a person’s life?

In a coaching conversation, I’ve watched a client have a look that is a mishmash of horror, elation, eureka and annoyance as they realize that it is this one thing that will define their chances of success. And that it has been stood in their way like a giant rock for years.

Here I share what that is and how to ensure you get the rocks out of the way of your ability to set powerful goals in life that get you where you want to go.

1.         Your brain didn’t get the memo

It can seem obvious that if you are looking to achieve big and get somewhere in life, then you will take the time and money to invest in finding the best ways of achieving that. The issue with this is that your brain didn’t get the memo on what was supposed to work. Let me give you an example (I could give you thousands!):

A client says that they have been getting up at 5am because they read that this was the Golden Hour if you want to achieve big and they shared with me what you were supposed to do in your Golden Hour.

I asked “Is this working?”

They replied “well I am reading more and I’m learning, but I’m grumpy as a bear by the afternoon and rowing with the kids and don’t even get a cuddle with my partner in the morning”

I questioned “So, is it working?”

They answered “I suppose in some aspects yes but in most aspects no.”

“So why are you still doing it?”

They retorted “Because the book said it was good to do!”

I then asked them a personal question, unrelated to business, careers or success “Do you like the mornings?”

They laughed “Oh gosh no, I’m a night owl, I hate the mornings!”

So why were they going out of their way to utilize a system that relied on them going against the very fibre of their being?

When I raised this to them, they looked like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice cold water over them. It would obviously never work long term because they were fighting who they were.

Remember while these books are selling in their millions and these speakers are amazing, what works for one does not by definition mean it will work for you. You have to work with ideas, tools and techniques that play to the person you are.

It is no good fighting who you are, eventually your brain will fight back. It never got the memo, it didn’t know this was the new way of working and it is not going to play ball.

There is an argument that you need to stick with things to make your habits change. While I agree with this in principle, if the ideas encourage you to stray massively away from the human you are, it is highly likely you will fail.)

So how do you fix it?

Look for the things that resonate with you. If you hate things structured and like to be free flowing then look for ideas that empower you to think and work in that way.

Another great example is the client who had a big figure in their head that they wanted to earn. And they were going to do it.

The only issue was that the journey was practically killing them. They were working stupid hours with little down time and their health, personal and social life were suffering, no big deal right?

Short term losses for long term gains?

Except this person performed the Values Exercise from my book Fight the fear – that looks at the 12 biggest fears that impact on success, and discovered that the top 3 values that mattered most to them were actually caring about others, friends and exercise.

Making money was right down the list at number 8! While it’s fine to go for a goal that is not your top value, you do need to still honour the values and the things that make you, you. When you don’t, you can hit all sorts of barriers and road blocks to getting what you want, so don’t fight who you are, your brain just didn’t get the memo.

2.         Your brain is a sponge

Big goals, bucket lists and ambitions — the problem is that while you are busy creating these plans so you achieve them, your brain processes everything you experience.

Everything from the dog asleep by your feet, the trees moving just at the edge of your vision. The couple arguing in the corner, the coffee stain on the edge of your cup, the siren in the distance, the beep from your phone – everything!

Whatever is around you, your brain is processing it on some level. While in itself that’s amazing, it also means that you need to be clear on what you say to your brain. Not only is it processing every smell and sound it is processing every thought, belief and word you hear. That’s a lot!

Filter out the stuff you don’t want and be careful what you allow in.

My Mum used to say “Treat advice like water in to a sponge, let everything in just wring out what you don’t want.” This is very apt for this top tip.

When looking to achieve your goals, people will share ideas, advice and books you “Must read!” Let it all come to you and then genuinely ask:

• “Does this fit the human I am?”
• “Does this play to my strengths?”
• “Is this the best use of my time to get me where I want to go?”

While many people love videos and inspirational events, if you prefer to be on your own with a good book or speaking one to one with someone which is more likely to help you understand the power of your brain, create powerful actions and work towards your long term goals in life.

Learn to wring out the stuff that is not relevant to you.

3.         Your brain likes it simple

Your brain can process 400 billion bits of information a second and yet we only seem to be aware of around 2000^[1] So if this is true, you need to be aware that what you want is not the only thing your brain is working on.

If you want your goals to feature in the top actions to process, you need to keep it simple.

For your desires to feature above anything else, you need to make it something easy to remember and keep at the front of your brain.

Reword where you want to be and what you want to achieve into 1 sentence. Make it a powerful sentence that enables you to “see” your goal.

To achieve this you will need to break the goal down. (Which is important for the next top tip too.) Write down the answers to these thoughts:

• Think of everything that matters to you about this goal.
• Consider all the emotions you want to feel and don’t want to feel.
• Where will you be when you’ve achieved this goal. Will your home look different? Will your workplace look the same? Will you be driving a different car?
• Will you look different? What colour will your hair be (is it going to take you 30 years to achieve and you’ve gone grey or will you have found a new level of confidence and dyed your hair pink like you always wanted to?)
• What will tell you that you’ve achieved that goal?
• How will it impact on your life? Your bank balance? Your relationships? Your career? Your happiness? Your hobbies?

When you’ve considered everything that could feature in your 1 sentence that summarizes your goal, then look to create a sentence that does that. Make it a sentence with:

• An end result. This helps your brain remember where you want to get to and gives it a specific place to end up.
• Precise actions. This helps your brain to see what process you want to carry out and enables you to see if you are getting there, so you can analyse your actions results and where you are in the process.
• Something to strive for not strain for. Your goal should aim to make you strive further than you would naturally choose to. Imagine reaching your arm out to reach something that feels a little tight in your arm as you find yourself thinking “Can I reach this?” However a word of caution here – A goal that over strains you can drain you picture.

Great sentence choices could be:

“By the 25th of September 2019 I will have achieved my goal to own a property in X town with 2 bedrooms at a cost of XXX”

“By the end of 2018 I will have earned an average of xxxxxx a month by increasing sales of my products by 33% incorporating more interactive marketing techniques that engage with a wider audience of 10,000 additional people online.”

Notice these goal sentences have:

• Precise outcomes
• Dates to work towards (ever noticed how some people have months to achieve something and still scrap around getting it done the night before the deadline?)
• Measurable quantities
• Precise actions to take.

Ironic, isn’t it that the brain likes it simple? And to make it simple, I have to explain this tip in more detail than any other top tip!

However, what I’m doing is sharing with you a little of the science of why coaching works and how to get these tools in your every day life to power up your chances of getting where you want in life. So do take the time to go through this process.

CONTINUES IN PART II