Are you suffering from middle-age manxiety?
If you have
reached a crisis point, this Q&A could help you to find out why. Learn how
to navigate those rocky years
Your middle years can be a high pressure and
confusing time, but don’t bottle up your feelings (or get a tattoo that you’ll
regret later). We all know the clichés of the midlife crisis —the sports car,
the wardrobe overhaul, the desire to chuck yourself around at Arctic Monkeys
gigs and, um, the affairs.
But there are reasons behind the stereotype. There’s
a wake-up moment in middle age when you realise that most of your life is
probably behind you. Plus, the stress of caring for a young family as well as
ageing parents, while shouldering job pressure can take its toll on your mental
health and relationships. In fact, a report from the Office for National
Statistics found middle-aged people are the least happy, have the lowest levels
of life satisfaction and suffer the most anxiety. And men are more vulnerable
than women, who reported feeling more satisfied overall.
“There’s always been a clear correlation between how
the economy is doing and the mental health of middle-aged men,” says Dr Rafael
Euba, consultant psychiatrist at The London Psychiatry Centre. “There’s
pressure to achieve, which isn’t always easy, especially in times of economic
hardship, and that can provoke a deep sense of failure.” Answering these
questions honestly can help:
Do you fail to embrace new
things and feel that the best is behind you?
Middle age can actually be a great time to try new
things, says Dr Euba: When you’re young there are many possibilities in the
future, but by middle age it’s common to think, ‘this is my life’, and dwell on
things you haven’t achieved. By now, you’re experienced, you know what you like
and what you don’t, you will probably have more money and freedom, so the
potential to enjoy life is huge. You may also look at life in a balanced way.
Do you feel overwhelmed by
stress, but keep it bottled up?
Planning your goals and reaching out to friends for
support are key, says Dr Euba. “Stress often comes down to economic pressure
and dealing with the system — providing for your family’s future and dealing
with authorities over schools and care provided for elderly parents. You need
to be able to delegate if you can, to compromise where necessary, to negotiate
and to plan.” If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s crucial to make use of your
social network and not regard stress as a sign of weakness, but as a sign you
have to plan things and get support from the other people in your life.
Do you feel trapped or
dissatisfied at work?
Most of us can’t just walk out of a job if we have
dependents. But it can help to remind ourselves of the norm — that it’s a
minority of privileged people who genuinely love their job and earn good money
from it. They are the exception to the rule — not you. Don’t compare yourself
to others. These days, largely thanks to social media, if your life isn’t
amazing it’s tempting to believe you’re failing. But it’s normal to have
difficult days. Set yourself smaller, achievable goals and celebrate those wins
and, if possible, try to carve out areas of your work that you’re in control
of.
Are you anxious about your
physical health?
Our bodies begin to decline in middle age and it can
be a painful glimpse of what’s to come. The knowledge that there’s less ahead
combined with the onset of physical ailments can cause anxiety.
Getting fitter is good for the mind and there’s
growing medical evidence that exercise can help people beat depression. The key
is, don’t overdo it. Pay more attention to lifestyle — don’t smoke and don’t
drink too much — and just be aware of your body.
Do you feel your sex life and
relationship are dull?
Do you want to cheat? If you’ve been in a
relationship a long time, along with a sense of stability can come a sense that
life is, well, just a bit boring. Men’s sexual potency does start to decline in
middle age, and although it’s subtler than it is for women, it can affect
self-image for some men.
—Daily Mirror
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