WHY IS FAMILY IMPORTANT?
A strong family
unit takes care of our basic need to belong, and strengthens our capacity to be
individuals in our own right and take considered decisions
All of us have people in our lives we keep coming
back to again and again – the ones it is impossible to leave behind as we move
on. These are the people most important to us – those who accept us
unconditionally and are essentially non-judgmental – or at least love us
despite the judging. More often than not, it is someone from one’s family.
How many such people do you have in your life? Those
most precious to us are the ones we can be ourselves with – all masks dropped,
all boundaries erased. Those we can trust blindly and don’t need to keep
watching our backs with. The ones who have the patience to listen to us
attentively as we vent, can offer an honest opinion and do not complain or show
impatience. Well, at least, not often.
You can be assured of their love because the most
important aspect of loving is acceptance. Acceptance is a great human need.
Humans cannot operate in isolation. We want to be accepted, preferably, as we
are – with no demands for change. The need to belong to a group or community is
so strong that it influences some of the most important decisions of our lives.
We need to belong almost as much as we need food and water.
Belonging helps us see value in our lives and in
dealing with loneliness, pain and rejection. This is one reason that we find
ourselves behaving uncharacteristically as part of a group or crowd. Consider
young boys when they hang out together, or girls in a group, or the trolls on
social media, or even how quickly we get swayed by and formulate opinions – all
in an attempt to be part of a group. This is also why people who in their
individual capacity wouldn’t harm a fly, when part of a crowd, get carried away
and indulge in riots and pogroms. Belonging to that crowd or mass, being
accepted by it, becomes so important that it changes the very fabric of a
person’s character. Those most vulnerable are the uneducated, the jobless or
those frustrated with their lot.
This is where families and the values they inculcate
in us become so important. The first ever relationship a child has is with
parents and family. They protect him, discipline him and cater to his needs. It
is within the family structure that a child learns how best to deal with the
outside world. How strong he is in later life depends almost absolutely on the
self-reliance, self-appreciation and the values that are inculcated in a child
in the early stages of life. It is essential to learn where to draw the line,
the values we cannot compromise on ever, and where we need to stop becoming
clones and remain individuals in our own right.
Children are at their most vulnerable because their
need for acceptance is so much deeper, unable to stand on their own as they
are. Family is the greatest prop for them at this stage. Which is why parents
have to be vigilant that children do not get sidetracked in an attempt to gain
acceptance by peers. And this is possible when you have a strong backing. It is
important to know that no matter what happens, there is this group of people —
or this one person — who will support you, be the haven you can retreat to.
In a family structure, we learn to communicate
effectively, to support and make time for each other, and build positive
relationships. This is where the foundation for our future relationships and
effective communication is laid. Here, we belong by virtue of being ourselves.
We do not feel the need to adjust our value system or our beliefs to gain
acceptance.
The opinions expressed in this
column are the personal views of the writer
VinitaDawra.Nangia@timesgroup.com
TL23SEP18
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