The 10 Qualities of an
Emotionally Intelligent Person
There
are many different kinds of intelligence, and it’s our job to discover what
they are and how to integrate them into our lives. Sources of intelligence can
be measured in quotients. Most of us are familiar with IQ, or the intelligence
quotient, which is primarily associated with our ability to memorize, retrieve
items from our memory and our logical reasoning.
There’s
also a new up and comer, CQ, or curiosity quotient, which refers to one’s
ability to have a powerful motivation to learn a particular subject. What I
spend much of my time in both research, and in working with clients and
organizations on, is focusing on emotional intelligence.
The
definition of emotional intelligence (as first advanced by researchers Peter
Salavoy and John Mayer, but popularized by author Daniel Goleman in his
seminal, eponymous book) is the ability to:
“Recognize,
understand and manage our own emotions
Recognize, understand
and influence the emotions of others
In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions
can drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and
learning how to manage those emotions — both our own and others — especially when we are
under pressure.”
We are
emotional creatures who often make decisions and respond to stimuli based on
our emotions. As a result, our ability to grow in EQ has an enormous impact in
all of our relationships, how we make decisions and identify opportunities. EQ
is enormously important. Through my work, I’ve identified 10 qualities that I
believe comprise the emotionally intelligent person.
I hope
you gain value from this and learn to understand the ways you can influence
your mind, and the minds of others, by growing emotionally every day, in all
that you do.
1. Empathy
I love this definition
of empathy:
“Empathy is the
capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within
their frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place oneself in another’s
position.”
There are two different types of empathy. This
piece from the Greater
Good Science Center at UC Berkeley beautifully depicts what they are:
‘“Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in
response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is
feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety.
“Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our
ability to identify and understand other peoples’ emotions.’
We empathize based on the reaction to others. What
I’d also say is that empathy can be cultivated and learned through experiences.
Store away in your memory those feelings that you feel both in reaction, and as
you put things in perspective. Write these thoughts out, analyze them and
determine how you want to treat others in the same way you’d want to be
treated.
2. Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the art of understanding
yourself, recognizing what stimuli you’re facing and then preparing for how to
manage yourself both in a proactive and reactive manner. Self-awareness is how
we see ourselves, and also how we perceive others to see us. The second,
external aspect, is always the most difficult to properly assess.
Dr. Tasha Eurich puts forth:
“Leaders who focus on
building both internal and external self-awareness, who seek honest feedback
from loving critics, and who ask what instead of why can learn to see
themselves more clearly — and reap the many rewards that increased self-knowledge
delivers.”
For yourself, ask the introspective questions,
yearn for knowledge and be curious. And for others, seek feedback in an honest,
caring environment.
3, Curiosity
“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” — Albert Einstein
Show me a curious person who’s willing to learn
and improve, and I’ll show you a success story waiting to happen. When you’re
curious, you’re passionate, and when you’re passionate you are driven to want
to be your best. Your “antennae” are up to things you love, to wanting to grow
and learn more. This learning mindset positively affects other areas of your
life like relationships.
Tomas Chamorro-Premusic writes:
“First, individuals with higher CQ are generally more tolerant of ambiguity. This nuanced, sophisticated, subtle thinking
style defines the very essence of complexity. Second, CQ leads to higher levels
of intellectual investmentand knowledge acquisition over time, especially in
formal domains of education, such as science and art.” Source: HBR
4. Analytical Mind
The most emotionally intelligent and resolute
people are deep-thinkers that analyze and process all new information that
comes their way. They continue to analyze old information, habits and ways of
doing things to see if they can extract ways to improve. We’re all “analysts”
in the sense that we consciously think about all new information that comes our
way.
Savvy EQ individuals are problem-solvers and
everyday philosophers who contemplate the “Why” of existence, the “Why” of why
we do what we do, and who care passionately about living a virtuous life.
Having an analytical mind means having a healthy appetite for a continuously
improving mindset geared at bettering yourself and always remaining open to new
ideas.
5. Belief
A major component of maintaining emotional
self-control is using the power of faith to believe in yourself both in the
present and in the future. It’s believing that the people and things in your life
are there for a reason, and that everything will ultimately work out for good.
Faith alone will not help you. It takes action, of
course. But when you combine faith with powerful values like hard work,
perseverance and a positive attitude, you have formed the foundation of a
champion. Every great leader and thinking uses faith, either in a practical
context, emotionally and certainly spiritually.
Spend time in meditation. Think about the way you
believe in yourself. Engender a greater faith toward the person you are and who
you want to become. And trust and believe that the pieces in your life will
come together in a way that will help you live boldly and joyfully.
6. Needs and Wants
The emotionally intelligent mind is able to
discern between things that they need versus things that would be “nice to
have” that classify more aptly as wants. A need, particularly in the context of
Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” is the basic level stuff like safety,
survival and sustenance. Once those things are met, then we can progress to
other needs and of course, wants.
A “want” is a big house, nice car, and even the
brand new iPhone. We do not need those things to survive, but
rather we want them based on our own personal desires or what we perceive to
matter to society. Become well-versed in knowing what you truly need to to
live, to accomplish goals and to support yourself and loved ones. Make sure you
draw a very clear distinction between what it is you need, and what it is you
want.
Emotionally intelligent people know the difference
between these two things, and always establish needs prior to fulfilling wants.
7. Passionate
Inspired leadership and love for what you do is
born from having a passion for a subject or people. People with a high EQ use
their passion and purpose to ignite the engine that drives them to do what they
do. This passionate is infectious and contagious — it permeates all areas
of their lives and rubs off on the people around them.
Passion is sort of that je ne sais quoi that when
you feel it, or even when you see it in others, you simply know. Passion is the
natural desire, instinct, drive, ambition and motivated love for a subject or
someone. Passion brings positive energy that helps sustain us and inspire us to
want to keep going. And there’s no secret that emotionally intelligent people
who are passionate are also willing to persevere and power forward no matter
their circumstances.
8. Optimistic
If you want to increase your opportunities,
improve your relationships and think clearly and constructively, you’re best
positioned to maintain a positive attitude. Of all the things that we try to
control and influence, our attitude is the primary thing that is always within
our control. We can choose to live each day by being positive. It’s that simple.
“When we are happy — when our mindset and mood are positive — we are smarter, more motivated, and thus more successful. Happiness is the center, and success
revolves around it.” — Shawn Achor
9. Adaptability
“Adaptability is not imitation. It means power of resistance and
assimilation.” Mahatma Gandhi
Emotionally intelligent people recognize when to
continue their course, and when it’s time for a change. This vitally import
recognition and ability to make crisp, swift decisions in your best interest is
called adaptability. You must determine when to stay the course, or when to
keep moving forward in another direction.
Similarly, when one strategy is not working, try
evaluating and determining if something else will work. From the way you treat
yourself, to how you treat others, to your daily routine, always stay
open-minded and be willing to adapt and introduce new elements to how you think
and what you do.
Throughout your life, you’ll need to change course
and make assessments on whether you’ll be happy and successful if you choose
one path or another. Recognize that you CAN always change. You can always start
over. It may not always be the most prudent or wise decision, but only you will
truly know in your heart what is or what isn’t. Start with leaving the option
on the table.
10. Desire to Help
Others Succeed and Succeed for Yourself
Last but not least, an emotionally intelligent
person is interested in overall success and achievement — not just for
themselves, but for their peers. Their inspired leadership and passion,
combined with their optimism, drives them to want to do best for themselves AND others.
Too often, we get so self-absorbed and concerned
only with “WIIFM,” or — What’s in it for me? We have to be concerned about this.
It’s a must, so don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise. But in the same
way that we should be focused on our
self-interest, we should also maintain a spirit of desire and hope for wanting
to see the people around us succeed.
Not only is this a brilliant safeguard against
envy and greed, it also revitalizes our passion and drives us toward achieving
our next goal. It helps us gain allies and builds powerful relationships that
come back to help us in reciprocal fashion.
Christopher
D. Connors
https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-10-qualities-of-an-emotionally-intelligent-person-f595440af4fb
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