WOMAN SPECIAL....................Has love rolled over to accommodate careers?

Has love rolled over to accommodate careers?





Youngsters consciously choose career over love as a more fulfilling, longer lasting relationship

An entire nation is happy to play judge and executioner to young Anushka Sharma for daring to break off with `that man Kohli'. True, nobody but the couple knows what exactly drove them apart, but apparently, it was either Anushka's rejection of Virat Kohli's marriage proposal, or her refusal to comply with his demand to drop her film with Salman Khan ­ Sultan.

In either case, the common factor is her dedication to her career and refusal to brook any interference with it. ­ the story of many a breakup today. Why is it so difficult for guys to understand that a girl's career is just as important to her as his is to him?
Especially to a girl as ambitious and talented as Anushka. A career is no longer just a girl's dream or an option; it is her need. And not just a financial need; a girl today looks at a career as a way to fulfill her potential and define her personality.

And with men and women both choosing to value success, achievement and careers, it does seem that distracting, slow-build relationships are taking the knock. Long-winded romances and candle-lit dinners have given way to one-night stands, to intense, short-burst relationships and to hard-drinking Saturday night-outs. In an intensely competitive world, that is all the young can invest.

The story isn't much different in other parts of the world. When I recently met Lucy Beresford, relationships expert from London, in Delhi, to promote her book Invisible Threads, we discussed how different young relationships are today. Youngsters today seem to give far more importance to their jobs and careers rather than to relationships. They do not worry too much about giving up a relationship that doesn't seem to be working or one that isn't practical vis-a-vis their primary commitment to themselves.They seem confident another will come along soon enough.

A young man into his third relationship explains his previous breakups were not on grounds of incompatibility of personalities or any misunderstandings, but on incompatibility of professional engagements and impracticality of place of postings.

A young girl, who just cold-heartedly broke up her relationship of several years, declares with tears in her eyes that she couldn't visualise a future together because once out of college she could see their work taking completely different trajectories. It obviously hurts, but apparently not deep enough to blind them to their own ambitions and careers.

The fact is that choice of careers and the demands of a job leave you no bandwidth to deal with emotional stuff in your relationships. All you look for is peace and one ness and unconditional sup port from a partner. Or if not that, then at least, a peace ful acceptance.

As a young professional, who just shrugged off a romantic, controlling beau (shudder!), puts it, “This relationship is meant to only give me happy mo ments and memories.

Stress, tension and pressures are all part of my work life; why would I tolerate these in my love life as well?“ And so she doesn't want any invasions into her privacy, any questioning of her motives or any eruption of suspicion or invidious jealousies on the part of a lover. All she looks for is a happy, relaxed time together. The alternative?
She is quite happy by herself.

This wasn't so just a generation back. Talking to my sister, we remembered cases of several men who appeared for the Civil Services exam (back then their assured ticket to prestige and status) only in order to be deemed eligible for the girl they wished to marry. Today, it seems the girl or boy is dispensable, while one's dreams gain more focus and importance.

`Controlling' is the word that has been bandied around in the KohliAnushka split. It seems Kohli accused her of constricting his freedom by expecting him to conform, while Anushka's friends declare that Kohli was too controlling about her choice of work and co-stars. A controlling partner is not brooked by either sex today. Life to the young is all about individuality, choices and the freedom to make and implement one's own decisions. “You should do this“ or “You must not do that“ are outdated styles of getting one around to your viewpoint. The new magic is in open communication and discussion and in each following hisher own dream.

vinitadawra nangia

TL10APR16