Use These 11 Words in Emails and You'll
Sound Spectacularly Rude
Sorry, but you don't always come across the way you think in emails.
This list, compiled by experts, is actually fascinating.
You think you sound like a proactive,
efficient, likable sort.
In fact, you sound like a pompous blowbottom
who deserves serious emotional correction.
Indeed,
I happened upon a
list of 11 rude words you should never use in emails.
One isn't actually a word, but it might as
well be in this context.
This list was prepared by Outsource
Philippines, a company that claims to possess "Intellectual Capital for
Total Outsourcing Solutions."
But does this alleged intellectual capital
translate to emotional capital?
You decide, as we run through its list of 11
supposed email no-nos.
1. Important.
"Your recipients are smart enough to know how important emails
are," says Outsource Philippines. Perhaps no one there has ever emailed
the IT department. Still, how do you explain to someone your email really is
vital? Put the subject line in capitals? Insert one of those exclamation points
that insist this one is urgent? Or hope that your recipient is smart? That is,
indeed, quite some hope.
2. Me.
This apparently makes you sound selfish. What, even if it's in
the context of, "Stone me, why can't you get this job done
already?" No, these list-compilers simply want you to appreciate when
the "I" or "me" is understood. Stone me, I don't think we
Americans can manage without at least a couple of I's and me's. We're all about
our individuality, you see.
3. You.
What? Well, apparently, using this word in an email to someone
"makes it sound like they did something wrong." Perhaps in the
context of, "You useless lump of post-digested lard." But surely not
in the context of, "When do you think you'll be finished on the Ewetree
Project?"
4. Need.
The compilers believe
this word makes you sound demanding. I think they may need their heads
examined. America, for example, is built on needs. We express them at every
turn, at every Starbucks. I need a
grande nonfat latte. I don't just want one. These intellectual compilers
believe you should include a deadline instead of saying you need something. I
need to talk to them right now.
5. No.
This is allegedly
verboten in the context of, "No, it's in Michigan." Just
omit the no, say the compilers. Oh, no. It all depends on the nuance,
doesn't it? What do you mean, "No, it doesn't"?
6. Sorry.
The mistake here, as far as the outsourcing intellectuals are
concerned, is that you should never apologize in an email. You should always do
it in person. But in business, how often do you ever see the people you work
"with"? Sometimes the need for apology is immediate. This is because
you're sometimes a sorry mess of a human being. Sorry, this advice is a no-no
for me.
7. Exclamation
points.
I want to have sympathy with this. I don't see the point of
these things. The intellectual compilers are perfectly happy with one
exclamation point, but not more than one. That's crazy!!!!! In the U.S., we
love to get excited!!! We live to get excited!!! When you're excited, you need
to make your excitement visually exciting!!!! Sample: We're going on a
team-building exercise!!!!!!
8. Actually.
The compilers' advice
here reads: "If you don't want to have countless enemies, never use this
word. It makes you sound insulting and annoying." What, even in the
context of, "You could have blown me over with a gust from your nostril.
The idiot CEOactually said that?" Actually is
one of those words that actually need to be seen in context and then
judged on their merits.
9. Swearing.
Apparently, this is strictly prohibited, because it is always
"offensive and rude." I hate to be rude, but no it isn't. It depends
on who is sending it to whom and what relationship they have.
10. Fine.
This list tells you to avoid this word because of its difficulty
to decipher. It either means "that's good" or "if that's what
you want, but it's dumb." I am confused to the point of swearing. Since
when has "fine" actually meant "that's good"?
"You did fine" is one of the worst compliments you can pay someone.
11. Thanks.
These righteous compilers believe that anything less than
"thank you" makes you sound sarcastic or unprofessional. They may
actually be right on this one. "Thanks" has a slightly harsh
onomatopoeia, as if it were written through gritted gnashers. So there's one
thing I'd like to say to the compilers of this list: Thanks.
BY CHRIS
MATYSZCZYK
http://www.inc.com/chris-matyszczyk/11-words-that-make-you-sound-amazingly-rude-in-emails.html?cid=em01014week15a
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