How
To Get Over Someone You Deeply Love
When a relationship
ends, it can be immensely heartbreaking. We all cope with breakups in our own
individual way with some people seemingly getting over someone quickly while
others take a lot longer. If you feel you’re one of those people who take ages
to recover from a breakup then you are definitely not alone. We are always told
that after the initial shock and sadness that it’s plain sailing from there on
in. But is this really the case? Getting out there again can seem extremely
daunting or not even close to being on our radar and this is okay. It’s okay to
feel sad and numb for a while, after all, it is a grieving process and it needs
to be seen through to the end before we can start to heal ourselves.
Whatever stage you’re
at, whether you’re at the beginning or perhaps it’s been months or years and
you still find yourself mourning over the relationship, it’s all normal. As
much as they feel rubbish, your negative feelings and emotions are leading you
on to the road to recovery so don’t feel bad for still feeling them – it
just means you’re still healing and that’s a good thing. There are many
actions you can take that will help you move in a positive direction; allowing
yourself to heal while shifting your mindset to one of recovery and peace.
Remember There’s No
Time Limit
The first thing
that’s important to remember is that there really isn’t a time limit to how
long it’ll take to get over someone you love. You have probably heard the phrase
‘time’s a healer’ and it is – but this also makes us feel pressured to get over
something quicker than we can. We feel ashamed if it’s been months or even
years and we still don’t feel we’ve moved on. Always remember that it’s okay.
Don’t beat yourself up about taking your time to heal as there really is no
time limit.
Let Yourself Feel
Your Emotions
Negative emotions are
often demonised and we are made to feel as though feeling sad, angry and hurt
is not good for us. We absolutely need to go through
the grieving process and that brings denial, anger, blame, depression,
desperation, false hope and many more in between. Often these emotions go
around in circles so it can feel as though you’re getting over it but then some
come back to whack you straight in the face again. It may feel like the hurt is
endless but remember to go with it – accept the feelings for what they are; a
means to an end.
Remove Your Ex From
Social Media and Your Phone
In this day and age,
we are bombarded by other people’s lives. Seeing what your ex is up to is
ridiculously easy to do but the problem with this is that you’re not giving
yourself space to heal. If you’re finding it hard to let go of someone then you
need to consider removing them from all social media including your phone. This
may feel like the last thing you want to do but sometimes the best things to do
aren’t always the most comfortable. Remember that you are doing this for
yourself and no one else. Seeing what they are up to all the time is only
opening the emotional wound over and over again and that wound will never have
its chance to heal. After the initial sadness of deletion you will feel very
empowered and this empowerment will be good for your soul.
Remember To Love
Yourself
When we go through a
heartbreaking separation, it’s very easy to blame ourselves and believe that we
just weren’t good enough for them or the relationship. Even the most confident
people can get an attack of unworthiness issues so don’t beat yourself up.
However, it’s crucial to remember that your worth is not tied to them – you are
your own person. As much as you may think it, your identity is not, and was
not, tied to the relationship you had. Remembering to love yourself is probably
the most important thing you can do after a breakup.
Write Down How You
Feel
There’s a wonderful
power in writing things down. Journaling your feelings may seem straight out of
a 90s TV show but it has great healing qualities. Write down how you feel, read
it back to yourself, throw it away or box it up. Seeing your feelings down on
paper can help your mind gain perspective and see things from another point of
view. Another great thing to do is to write down a list of all the parts of the
past relationship that annoyed or irritated you. A lot of the time we romanticise
about the past and remember it better than it was. Writing down the negatives
will serve as a reminder and will help when you have moments of relapse.
Turn Your Energy Into
Something Positive
Although sitting
around eating all the chocolate and binge-watching TV shows is a great thing to
do initially, there needs to come a time when being proactive is a must to get
our lives going again. If you’re still not up for seeing people or socialising
then start an exercise routine. Go running, walking or cycling – anything that
will get those endorphins going. Exercise is an excellent catalyst to recovery
– it will clear and calm your mind and reduce any stress. Being around people
also really helps speed up recovery. Immersing yourself around people who love you
serves as a gentle reminder that love doesn’t just exist in romantic
relationships – friends and family can help you get out of that funk all the
more quickly.
Don’t Hold On To
Anger And Blame
Although embracing
our negative emotions are good, holding on to anger and blame for too long can
have a detrimental effect on ourselves and others. When we spend too much time
in a space of blaming the other person for the way we feel, we are taking
away our power and essentially giving it to them. It acts as a hinderance to
our recovery and makes the process that much longer. Remember that no one is
really to blame no matter what happened to end the relationship – bitterness
can eat away at you and it’s important to recognise when this is taking over
your thoughts and feelings.
Don’t Torture
Yourself
It’s very easy to
fall into the trap of over-analysing why the relationship ended and wondering
if there was something you could have done differently. These thoughts really
serve us no purpose other than to torture ourselves. It’s common to fantasise
about how you could have done better or regretting something you said or did
that you feel could have contributed to the end of the relationship but the
reality is that there really is nothing you could have done. Your mind can go
into over-drive sometimes but you need to do all you can to calm it down –
whether it’s using yoga or meditation techniques or trying to focus on
something else entirely.
Remember There Isn’t
Just One Person Out There For You
We live on a planet with
billions of people. It can feel like that person was the only one for you but
we all know that isn’t the case. You probably believe that no one else will
make you laugh like that again, or have so much in common with you and yes,
that may be true. But everyone is unique in their own way and there will be
someone (or many more people) who will connect and bond with you in so many
awesome ways. There was a reason that the relationship didn’t work out and it’s
simply because you weren’t meant to be together but that doesn’t have to be a
sad thought. You grew as a person and that will only serve you well for the
next amazing person to enter your life. It might not be soon but it will happen
– just have faith it will all work out.
You Will See The
Light At The End Of The Tunnel
Fundamentally, you
will feel like you are in some kind of darkness for a while. It can be a scary
and daunting place especially if you haven’t experienced a serious breakup
before. But as much as you probably can’t imagine it or think about it, there will come a day when
you’ll come out the other side. It will feel wonderful and natural, you’ll feel
whole again, you’ll be able to laugh and smile without thinking of them and
most importantly, you will be a stronger and better person because of it. You
may feel alone but millions of people have been through the exact same process
in their own unique way and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Use
this as a reminder and a testament to the fact that you will also get through
this too.
JENNY
MARCHAL
http://www.lifehack.org/384874/how-to-get-over-someone-you-deeply-love?mtype=daily_newsletter&mid=20160401_customized&uid=687414&email=drmsriram%40yahoo.com&action=click
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