BOOK SUMMARY 99 Change Your Questions, Change Your
Life
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Summary written by: Alison Spitzer
"Question Thinking is a system of tools for
transforming thinking, action, and results through skillful question asking –
questions we ask ourselves and well as those we ask others."
- Change Your Questions, Change Your Life,
page 26
We’ve
all been judgemental before. And as a risk averse accountant I am willing to
even bet you’ll judge again. For some of you reading this you will be
immediately offended (who does she think she is?!) Some of you will become
curious (ok, tell me more!) Passing judgement is part of our human nature, no
matter how good we become at practising the importance of curiosity or Question
Thinking, it will still happen. Do you know what you are going to do when it
does? How are you going to recognize it when you’re there? In Change
Your Questions, Change Your Life, Marilee Adams demonstrates how questions
have the ability to impact the outcomes of any circumstance we are in. If
you’ve even scratched the surface of emotional intelligence you may be familiar
with the concept of “hijacking.” This book will give you the tools you need to
identify getting hijacked and not only how to get yourself out of it, but move
towards a place of action and resolve. This book can venture into the area with
all the feels, which is great for those that are more suited to that. For some
of us on the more analytical spectrum I still believe that stopping to ask
questions, instead of answers, has the opportunity to provide great
opportunities and insights in our relationships both professionally and personally.
The Golden Egg
How else can I be thinking about this?
"Change
your questions, change your results."-
Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, page 61
The
questions or moments from this book that will resonate with you the most I
believe will vary significantly by the reader. The question “how else can I be
thinking about this” stuck with me every time I came across it. Likely due to
the fact that I have some decisions ahead of me to make both professionally and
personally, I feel like asking this question is moving me towards a space ofdiscovering what
I need for the next course of action instead of trying to nail down
the right answer or solution. This is what the author suggests as a switching
question. When you are down a path of strong and narrowed assumptions, you can
ask yourself some key questions to unstick you from that mindset. There can
even be physical benefits brought on by changing our questions — tension being
one of the most common. Think of current problem you have — now ask yourself,
“How else can I be thinking about this?” The GEMs I’ve outlined below provide
some additional focus on how to actionize this in your day to day.
Gem #1
There’s a choice
"Things
happen to us all the time. You don’t have much choice about that. But where we
do have choice is in what we do with what happens."- Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, page 41
In
order to get to a place where we can start asking the right questions to
ourselves and to others we need to understand that there is always a choice to
make. At the start of this summary I touched on being judgemental and that it
is in our human nature. We can’t avoid it, but we can accept it, acknowledge it
and make a choice about it. The author outlines two paths, or mindsets: Learner
and Judger. You can likely guess from just the names the path or mindset that
allows us to be at our best. Everyone has both so don’t be worried trying to
think if you are one or the other. Accept it, and then make a choice. Every
time you venture down a path you are choosing. We are often so unaware of the
constant choice we are making to either seek with curiosity and discovery or
make our way down to the judger pit. There you will find blame and resentment
as your companions. To understand or catch yourself on these paths or
crossroads takes practice in self-awareness. The book provides some key
questions to help get you there called ABCC:
Aware – Am I a Judger?
Breathe – Do I need to take a step back, pause, and look at this situation more objectively?
Curiosity – Do I have all the facts? What’s happening here?
Choose – What’s my choice?
Breathe – Do I need to take a step back, pause, and look at this situation more objectively?
Curiosity – Do I have all the facts? What’s happening here?
Choose – What’s my choice?
Next
time you catch yourself in a problem or tense situation, stop and ask yourself
the above questions.
Gem #2
Here’s the list. Write it Down.
"Ask
them of yourself – What do I want? Ask them of other people - What do you want?
Or ask them of those with whom you have an ongoing relationship – What do we
want?"- Change Your Questions, Change Your Life,
page 184
Start
asking yourself some questions. If you’re feeling good and comfortable with
that I encourage to starting asking questions to those around you. Go back to
the problem or situation from above, choose your path, and start asking away!
Here
are the top 12 questions:
What do I want?
What are my choices?
What assumptions am I making?
What I am responsible for?
How else can I think about this?
What is the other person thinking, feeling,
wanting?
What am I missing or avoiding?
What can I learn?
What action steps make the most sense?
What questions should I be asking others?
How can I turn this into a win-win?
What’s possible?
This
book will get you ready to do some real work on your current relationships
through the power of Question Thinking. It is a simple and powerful way to get
in a space that allows not only you, but others around you to be at their best.
If you want go all in, as the title suggests, to transform your life is commendable.
If you want to start off a bit smaller, I suggest using the above in your next
tough situation or coming up with questions rather than answers that you can
use with your staff or team at your next meeting.
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