Why we are afraid to show our weak side
Why is it so hard to declare love, or confess you
made a mistake at work? Is it because the risk of getting rejected, criticised
or mocked is high in such situations? Interestingly, while we hesitate to make
honest admissions, we admire others’ ability to do so.
University of Houston professor and author Brené
Brown, who has studied human vulnerability, says, “We love seeing raw truth and
openness in other people, but we are afraid to let them see it in us…
Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.”
To test Brown’s theory, researchers at the University
of Mannheim in Germany asked hundreds of students to imagine themselves and
others in different vulnerable situations, such as confessing romantic feelings
for a best friend. As expected, they found that the students saw vulnerability
“in a more positive light when someone else was going out on a limb rather than
themselves.”
This difference in perception arose because the
students visualised their own vulnerability in great detail. “When imagining a
vulnerable situation with someone else as the protagonist, people thought more
abstractly… In psychological terms, this suggests that they were more mentally
distanced from the imagined scenario.” For instance, if a colleague goofs up,
you might advise them to confess the mistake because you are not thinking about
their losing the job.
Is it wise to avoid every vulnerable situation? No,
because you might be overestimating the risk. “By putting ourselves out there,
we might make a mess of our reputations or even lose our friends; on the other
hand, we might be embraced by others... It might, indeed, be beneficial to try
to overcome one’s fears and choose to see the beauty in the mess of vulnerable
situations.”
For more: greatergood.berkeley.edu
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