Stop Trying To Be Friends With All Your Coworkers,
And Do This Instead
These five simple habits can help you build and sustain great working
relationships, without having to befriend every single person in your office.
For anyone who’s ever had an office job, two
things are pretty obvious. On the one hand, it’s important to have friends at
work. Those relationships have a strong bearing
on job satisfaction, and it’s always useful to have someone in your corner to
confer with when your work life hits a rough patch. But the other well-known
reality is that too many social relationships around the
office can stop you from getting much done. In fact, one of the top causes for
lost productivity, at least on an individual level, is the distraction brought
on simply by having coworkers in close proximity.
Still, you can’t neglect to build strong relationships with the
people around you in a near-sighted quest for short-term efficiency. Without
solid working relationships, it’s less likely anyone will go the extra mile for
the sake of the team, and it’s easier that way for conflicts to escalate. The
key to striking a good balance is simply to cultivate good relationships by
being intentional.
What does that mean exactly? That you don’t actually have to befriendeveryone
in your office, just as long as you stick to these five thoughtful habits that
can sustain your relationships with your coworkers over the long haul.
1. EXPRESS GRATITUDE
Given the insane quantity of emails many
people receive, you shouldn’t feel obligated to answer every message even with
a simple “Thanks!” It’s just not necessary and might even be unintentionally
annoying.
But if your coworker has clearly put in extra work on a project
or done something well, taking a few seconds to acknowledge their effort can go
a long way. It’s as simple as dashing off a quick email or Slack message to
share a sincere compliment like, “Thank you for your extra work on this
project. It turned out great!” That can make the difference between your
colleagues feeling amazing about their efforts versus unacknowledged and
unappreciated.
Show your appreciation face-to-face as well. In one-on-one
meetings, or even just a casual run-in outside the office kitchen, remember to
thank someone for an assignment they completed particularly well. Or if
someone brings up a smart idea in a meeting, recognize it with a simple,
“That’s a great point, thanks for mentioning it.” It really is that easy–and
that effective.
2. MAKE TIME TO MEET
Meeting calendars can get out of control, and it can be tempting
to reschedule your appointments on short notice, especially with your direct
reports. But when you consistently de-prioritize meeting with them, you’re
basically telling them that that one-on-one time isn’t important to you. As a
result, when something important to you comes up that you need them to put in
extra hours on, their minds may jump to, “Hhhhmmm . . . well, youcouldn’t
make 30 minutes for me over the last three weeks, and now you
want me to help you out by working on Saturday?”
The opposite can also be true, though. If you consistently invest
in the people who work for you–by honoring your one-on-one meetings and showing
through your actions that they’re a priority–then when you ask for something
extra, they’re more likely to reply, “I’d be happy to” (and mean it). Offering
your time and attention to your coworkers and direct reports doesn’t mean
becoming close personal friends with them, but it’s a crucial way to show they
matter and that they can rely on you.
3. PROACTIVELY OFFER SUPPORT
Everyone has times when they feel particularly vulnerable at work.
Perhaps it’s at the start of a new project when the project plan needs
definition, maybe it’s when a major issue comes up halfway through, or maybe it
isn’t until the home-stretch. Whatever the case may be, try to stay aware of
these moments times for your coworkers.
You need to be able to anticipate when a task or project they’ve
been working on might be turning a corner, and offer support whenever you can.
Being friends with your coworkers isn’t the only way to know when those moments
arise; you don’t need to be chatting regularly over lunch each day to know when
your colleagues might be able to use a hand. Just pay attention to the rhythms of
your own work and the big initiatives your whole team or department is
tackling, and use that as a prompt to reach out.
For example, you could offer to help with an initial brainstorming
meeting or to go through the slide deck your colleague has been working
on before she actually presents it. And in this case, too, it only takes a
short email to do that:
Hi [name]!
I know that [stressful situation] is happening. I’d be glad to
meet with you about it in case you could use a hand. If not no worries! Just wanted
to let you know I’m a resource if you need it.
People like to feel like they’re noticed and remembered. One
simple thing you can do is to put a recurring annual reminder on your calendar
for your coworkers’ birthdays. If they’re someone who works for you or is a
significant enough connection at work that a card or small gift might be
appropriate, schedule the reminder for a week before their
actual birthday, so you can remember to pick something up. Do the same for work
anniversaries, too, so you can remember to tell people you appreciate the time
they’ve been at the company since first joining your team.
5. JUST BE PRESENT
Finally, when you’re spending time with someone, just be all
there–even if it’s no more than a 90-second interaction. If at all
possible, stay off your phone or computer when you interact with others. Be an
emotionally intelligent listener. Make eye contact and express–either verbally
or nonverbally–that you’re genuinely glad to be able to chat. And if you’re in
the middle of something when coworker swings by your desk, don’t sneer
passive-aggressively and have the conversation anyway, showing your annoyance
that they’ve interrupted you. Just ask if you can grab them as soon as you’re
done–and follow through on it.
Time is
limited, and you need to make careful choices about how you invest it. And yes,
you still do need a few friendships around the office–but you can’t be best
buddies with everyone. These five strategies are simply ways to make
thoughtfulness into a regular habit. They might only take a few seconds,
but they’re essentially for cultivating the strong
relationships with your colleagues that you all need to thrive.Time is limited, and you need to make careful choices about how you invest it. And yes, you still do need a few friendships around the office–but you can’t be best buddies with everyone. These five strategies are simply ways to make thoughtfulness into a regular habit. They might only take a few seconds, but they’re essentially for cultivating the strong relationships with your colleagues that you all need to thrive.
BY ELIZABETH GRACE SAUNDERS
https://www.fastcompany.com/40494858/stop-trying-to-be-friends-with-all-your-coworkers-and-do-this-instead?utm_source=postup&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Fast%20Company%20Daily&position=5&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=11142017
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