5 Habits That Make You Sound
More Condescending Than You Mean To
You
might mean well, but other people aren’t always going to view it that way.
Let’s talk about those colleagues. Do you
know the type I’m talking about? The ones who have a knack for climbing up on
their high horses while making you feel oh-so-small and unimportant?
Nobody likes that condescending team member. But, take a minute to think about this: What if you’re coming off as
that patronizing person in your office? Even worse, what if–gasp!–you don’t
even realize you’re doing it?
I’m not big into scare tactics, but here’s
the reality: We’re all only human, which means it’s easy to slide into some
arrogant and superior habits every now and then.
Here are five signs that’s the case:
There are two words that have a way of
sneaking into our vocabulary and kicking everyone around us down a couple of
pegs. What are they? “Actually” and “just.”
Think about the last time you uttered a
sentence like one of these in the office:
“I actually think that’s a good idea.”
“You just need to do it this way.”
Inserting these words into your sentences
immediately makes you sound condescending. “Actually” indicates surprise–as if the fact that your colleague made a decent
suggestion managed to knock you back in your chair. And, “just” implies simplicity–as if your coworker is a total moron for not coming
to that solution on his own
2. YOU’RE ALWAYS PUTTING
YOURSELF FIRST
Your boss explicitly approved your request
for a long lunch. So, even though you know the rest of your team is scrambling
to finish up a shared project, you’re still heading out and taking that lengthy
break you believe you’re entitled to. You give your colleagues a wave and a
brief smile as you breeze past that crowded conference room and out the office
door.
Yes, sometimes in your career you need to put
yourself first–and, hey, you deserve a break! However, there’s a fine line
between managing your own needs and treating your colleagues like doormats.
Nobody’s saying you need to transform into
an office martyr. But, there’s also nothing wrong with lending a helping hand or
stepping up in a crisis every now and then.
3. YOU’RE THE MASTER OF
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS
You might think you’re always showering your
coworkers in praise. However, it’s worth some reflection to make sure you
aren’t dishing out too many backhanded compliments.
What do these look like? Here are two classic
examples:
“This presentation turned out way better than
your last one.”
“I could tell you didn’t have a ton of time,
but that project still looked good.”
Your intentions to offer a commendation are
pure. But, you’re going about it all wrong. When doling out a compliment, stay focused on the positive–anything else can make you come off as
snide or even snobbish.
4. YOU’RE ALWAYS EQUATING YOUR
EXPERIENCES
When a colleague vents to you about a
frustration or a problem, you think the best way to be supportive is to talk
about your own experience that you deem similar.
But, guess what? Your coworker who’s
stressing about that report that was just annihilated by your boss likely won’t
be comforted by the fact that the cafeteria screwed up your sandwich that day.
While demonstrating empathy is one thing,
attempting to equate your own experiences–particularly when they aren’t at all
relevant to your colleague’s situation–will always come off as condescending.
On the flip side of that coin, responding to
your team member with a relieved, “I’m so glad I’ve never had to deal with that…”
or “That’s never happened to me…” isn’t helpful either.
Instead, focus on actively listening and
offering help in any way that you can. That’s really all your coworker needs.
5. YOU’RE A CONVERSATIONAL
STEAMROLLER
You pride yourself on your ability to
maintain a lively discussion with anyone in your office. But, ask yourself
this: Is it really a discussion, or are you carrying the bulk of that exchange?
Are you giving your colleague adequate space and time to speak?
By not letting other people chime in–whether
it’s in a team meeting or even in a one-on-one conversation–being a
conversational steamroller sends the message that you deem whatever you have to
say as far more important.
There’s really nothing more demeaning than
that. So, the next time you’re chatting with a colleague, make a conscious
effort to listen just as much as you speak. Nobody likes a conversation hog.
Nobody wants to be condescending to their coworkers. But, unfortunately, it has a way of happening without
you even realizing it.
Keep your eyes peeled for these five
symptoms, and you’re sure to decrease your likelihood of inspiring groans from
your team members. And, when in doubt? Offer to pay for a round of drinks at
happy hour–that alone can go a long way.
BY KAT
BOOGAARD
https://www.fastcompany.com/40495290/5-habits-that-make-you-sound-more-condescending-than-you-mean-to
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