How to Make Everyday
Moments Extraordinary
A new book suggests ways we can infuse more peak experiences into
our work and everyday lives.
Our lives are filled with memories of experiences we’ve had; but
that doesn’t mean we can recall everything that happened to
us. Why do we remember certain experiences and forget others—and how can we
create more memories?
Research suggests that we tend to remember things more if they
elicit strong emotion—negative or positive—and if they
are imbued with meaning. Think of your wedding day, or the
first time you spoke in front of a crowd. These are experiences that lodge in
our memory, sometimes filling us with happiness or pride or a sense of awe.
Now, imagine if you could experience peak moments like these in
your everyday life. Wouldn’t we all like more of that?
This idea
is at the heart of the new book The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have
Extraordinary Impact, by Chip Heath and Dan Heath. Their book makes the case that peak
moments are essential to a happy life and that we could take steps to create
more of them at work and in our personal lives.
Drawing on what we know about emotion, meaning, and memory, the
Heaths suggest that we can manipulate our experiences to stand out more by
incorporating some or all of these four elements:
·
Elevation: Rising above the everyday and seeming
extraordinary.
·
Insight: Challenging our understanding of ourselves or the world,
helping us to grow and change.
·
Pride: Capturing us at our best, when we are achieving something
important or showing courage.
·
Connection: Strengthening our social
relationships.
By doing so, they argue, we can create more peak, memorable
experiences for ourselves, our family and friends, and our workforce.
How
experiences become memorable
According to the Heaths, we often overlook opportunities to create
peak experiences that could have long-term consequences.
Take, for example, a new employee’s first day on the job, which is
often a ho-hum experience filled with lots of paperwork. The Heaths suggest
doing something like what the John Deere company did to change the first-day
experience for their new employees: providing free parking, greeting them in
the office lobby, having fellow employees drop by to introduce themselves,
inviting new employees to lunch, decorating their desks with gifts, and
performing other welcoming gestures to make them feel valued.
The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have
Extraordinary Impact (Simon & Schuster, 2017, 320 pages)
The payoff? A peak experience that communicated a caring
culture—something tied to increased productivity,
connection, and loyalty to the workplace.
There are certain moments that are ripe for improving, write the
authors—like attending the first day of school, receiving a promotion, or
retiring after a long career. If we pay more attention to making these events
extraordinary, emotionally evocative, and meaningful for those experiencing
them, we will increase the chances that these events become “some of the most
memorable moments of our lives,” they write.
Feelings of pride can also lead to peak experiences. How many of
us had a teacher recognize some hidden strength in us that instilled pride and
motivated us to move forward in school or life? I know I did—I still remember
when my dissertation advisor praised my writing and made me reconsider my
personal strengths. The ability to recognize what is best in others is an
important leadership skill.
In the workplace, the Heaths recommend eschewing formal
recognition programs, which seem impersonal and may involve quotas, like
“employee of the month” awards. Instead, they suggest giving spontaneous and
frequent recognition of a job well done, making sure feedback is honest and
personal and involves objective measurements—like reaching a work goal or
adding to the kindness quotient at the office.
Positive moments are not the only ones that stick in the mind. In
fact, research suggests that
negative experiences—like making a huge mistake at work or blowing the first
date with our dream partner—tend to stand out even more than positive
experiences. Is it possible to turn these into peak experiences?
Yes, if we gain insight from them, say the Heaths. Though we may
be tempted to beat ourselves up for failing at something, failure can be an opportunity to dig deep and to
uncover lessons about our strengths and weaknesses. That means that we
shouldn’t be afraid to stretch ourselves, as long as we’re focused on
self-discovery rather than achievement.
“The promise of stretching is not success, it’s learning,” write
the Heaths. “It’s the promise of gleaning the answers to some of the most
important and vexing questions of our lives: What do we want? What can we do?
Who can we be? What can we endure?”
Another
tool they recommend is writing a gratitude letter to someone who has impacted your
life in positive ways. This is an especially powerful way to offer them all
four elements of a peak experience at once: elevation (it’s out of the
ordinary), insight (it shows that their kindness matters and generosity has
ripple effects), pride (it’s recognizing their gifts, which induces pride), and
connection (it gives you both a big dose of closeness). And it has benefits for
the letter author, too: Research has shown that the
rush of happiness that accompanies this experience can last up to a month
later.
The Power of Moments is full of useful tips on how to infuse
our everyday lives and work with more peak experiences. Though less
scientifically grounded than some other books, it is an enjoyable and inspiring
read, providing lots of food for thought. Happily, I read it right before
planning my 25th wedding anniversary party, and it made a big difference in
what I decided to do for that occasion. Instead of a simple dinner party, we
added a slideshow and surprise mini-reenactment of our wedding vows, which
definitely elevated the proceedings.
BY JILL SUTTIE
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_make_everyday_moments_extraordinary?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=e0acb26ee6-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2017_11_08&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-e0acb26ee6-51482775
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