DREAMING OF DOOMSDAY?
Chasing deadlines, regularly receiving
negative feedback and failure to say ‘no’ are some of the reasons that
inculcate negative thinking. Experts share how we can fight it
We’ve all been there. Just the night
before that big presentation, you wake up in the middle of the night with a
chest burn and a feeling that you’re headed for the biggest disaster of your
career. What if the PC hangs? What if the client rejects the proposal? Will I
get a bad appraisal? How will I survive in this economy if I’m sacked? Such an
extreme line of thinking or jumping to doomsday theories is becoming
increasingly common in today’s high-pressure work life and psychologists feel
it needs to be addressed before things get out of hand. “Negative thinking has
to do with catastrophising or thinking through the narrative of a worst-case
scenario, especially when working towards a deadline. A lot of people can’t
think of a middle ground and only imagine a doomsday,” says Sonali Gupta, a
clinical psychologist who attends to several patients in therapy who “need to
work around the inner critique”.
The prophecy revolves around ‘I am
not good enough’ or ‘I am not able to do this job as well as someone else’ and
Gupta feels that those who fall into this trap also undermine their own
achievements and are harsh on themselves. “When asked to rate their own work,
they are more negative than their bosses see them. And this stems from how they
see their own selves. So, on a scale of 1-5, they would give themselves a 3,
when their bosses would give them a 4.”
Am I negative?
Psychologists believe that while most of us have a negative thought or two, we don’t allow it to affect us. Dr Kersi Chavda, former president of the Bombay Psychiatric Society, says that those who look at life through a pessimistic viewpoint and begin catastrophising are definite cases of negative thinking. “If you find that you’re becoming obsessed with work and worrying about failure, if all your friends are related to work, if you’re smoking and drinking too much and not getting enough sleep and your eating pattern is eratic, these are all red flags to watch out for,” says Chavda, who feels that such people imagine the worst happening to them. “Their imagination is worse than the reality. The chances of it happening could be one per cent but you start behaving like it’s already happened and you sink into a negative state of mind and your productivity actually starts reducing. Then, people around you consequently start asking ‘why aren’t you doing what you’re supposed to?’ and this reinforces your belief that something is wrong. It’s almost a self-prophesying thing,” says Chavda, who believes that “such people are naturally anxious and have a constant feeling of impending doom”. Dr Chavda has attended to patients who are afraid of travelling and it’s only because they constantly anxious about possible accidents that could occur while travelling. “They feel going out would mean they will get robbed or kidnapped. They feel that if they left the safe confines of their home or places they are familiar with, something bad would happen to them or to their loved ones. For such people, even travelling for work becomes an issue but when the job demands it, it becomes a concern.”
Cause and effect
Psychologists feel that there can’t be a single reason that can pinned for this altered outlook and would differ from person to person. “Some may have had a parent who was constantly critical or anxious, the person may have a history of trauma where they’ve been exposed to a negative event and sometimes, it is just a personality trait,” says Gupta, who feels a common reason is the inability to filter feedback. “We are not taught how to filter feedback. When someone gives a feedback, don’t take it blindly and think about it, see if there’s evidence around it, who is it coming from. The relationship with the person is important because someone who doesn’t know you well is not in a position to offer valid feedback. Also, if someone is judging you based on a single incident and saying you’re this kind of a person because you did this, one needs to look at it across the spectrum,” says Gupta, adding that people who don’t trust themselves are more likely to take feedback without checking whether the feedback is valid or not.
“Indian culture encourages the idea that everyone has feedback and opinions they want to share with everyone and anyone, whether they want it or not. “Oh, you’ve put on weight. Why aren’t you married yet? When are you planning a second child? One needs to figure out how to filter which feedback should be considered.”
Why me?
For many, the answer lies in their stressful work-life which pushes them to take additional accountability and the pressure that comes with it. “A lot of people get into a negative way of thinking when they reach a certain level in their career. It’s almost as if they feel that if they don’t do well, their company won’t. But the fact is that companies will go on even if you’re not there and we have to learn to say ‘no’ on occasion and learn to take time out for ourselves and our family and treat ourselves with some respect. If a person can do that, it would reduce their stress levels but a lot,” explains Chavda.
Side-effects of a negative mindset
Apart from burning anxiety issues which could affect your work and personal life for the worse, becoming an overtly pessimistic person could lead to several other issues. “The pressure of meeting deadlines keeps them from eating in time and they end up with ulcers and acidity. Sometimes, they become so stressed out, they start snapping at everyone and become horrible people to live with. They’re not exercising because there’s no time for it. They resort to excessive drinking and smoking. And to top it all they constantly feel that they’re not performing as well as they should. Your work and home life is ruined and you’ve earned a horrible reputation,” explains Chavda.
The path to recovery
Acceptance is key and the first step to reviving one’s optimistic approach to life. Many of Chavda’s patients refuse to accept that they suffer from the condition which makes things worse. “Firstly, be aware of the fact that you are not superman, a lot of people feel it cannot happen to them. You may be strong but if there’s constant stress and your body is overworked, there will be issues — both physical and psychological and acknowledging that you have a problem that needs to be addressed doesn’t make you a lesser person,” explains Chavda. To break the negative mindset, Chavda feels one should begin by “making several lifestyle changes”. “Eat on time, perform a physical activity daily, cut down on smoking and drinking and channelise the stress appropriately,” he says.
Been there, done that
A simple line of reasoning one can approach to curb one’s fears of failure would be draw from past references when one has succeeded. “Think about the times when you’ve delivered a similar task within a stipulated time or try to tell yourself that this deadline can be negotiated,” explains Gupta, who feels that when one is too worried about meeting a deadline, he/she may not enjoy the process and this could also affect their productivity. “Perfectionists are more likely to procrastinate when given a deadline because it seems scarier for them. Since they want to be meticulous in their work and may take longer than others on a job and they would associate this event with how long it took them to deliver a similar job the last time around.”
The reward mechanism
Another popular method to cheat the mind, shares Gupta, is to remind oneself that the demanding phase will eventually pass, allowing one to rest and rejuvenate. “Tell yourself, ‘I am pulling an all-nighter today but tomorrow, I am going to sleep, relax and unwind’. Self-soothing is very important in breaking the negative cycle.”
█ Tell yourself, ‘I am pulling an all-nighter today but I’ll relax tomorrow. Self-soothing is very important in breaking the negative cycle
– Sonali Gupta, clinical psychologist
Am I negative?
Psychologists believe that while most of us have a negative thought or two, we don’t allow it to affect us. Dr Kersi Chavda, former president of the Bombay Psychiatric Society, says that those who look at life through a pessimistic viewpoint and begin catastrophising are definite cases of negative thinking. “If you find that you’re becoming obsessed with work and worrying about failure, if all your friends are related to work, if you’re smoking and drinking too much and not getting enough sleep and your eating pattern is eratic, these are all red flags to watch out for,” says Chavda, who feels that such people imagine the worst happening to them. “Their imagination is worse than the reality. The chances of it happening could be one per cent but you start behaving like it’s already happened and you sink into a negative state of mind and your productivity actually starts reducing. Then, people around you consequently start asking ‘why aren’t you doing what you’re supposed to?’ and this reinforces your belief that something is wrong. It’s almost a self-prophesying thing,” says Chavda, who believes that “such people are naturally anxious and have a constant feeling of impending doom”. Dr Chavda has attended to patients who are afraid of travelling and it’s only because they constantly anxious about possible accidents that could occur while travelling. “They feel going out would mean they will get robbed or kidnapped. They feel that if they left the safe confines of their home or places they are familiar with, something bad would happen to them or to their loved ones. For such people, even travelling for work becomes an issue but when the job demands it, it becomes a concern.”
Cause and effect
Psychologists feel that there can’t be a single reason that can pinned for this altered outlook and would differ from person to person. “Some may have had a parent who was constantly critical or anxious, the person may have a history of trauma where they’ve been exposed to a negative event and sometimes, it is just a personality trait,” says Gupta, who feels a common reason is the inability to filter feedback. “We are not taught how to filter feedback. When someone gives a feedback, don’t take it blindly and think about it, see if there’s evidence around it, who is it coming from. The relationship with the person is important because someone who doesn’t know you well is not in a position to offer valid feedback. Also, if someone is judging you based on a single incident and saying you’re this kind of a person because you did this, one needs to look at it across the spectrum,” says Gupta, adding that people who don’t trust themselves are more likely to take feedback without checking whether the feedback is valid or not.
“Indian culture encourages the idea that everyone has feedback and opinions they want to share with everyone and anyone, whether they want it or not. “Oh, you’ve put on weight. Why aren’t you married yet? When are you planning a second child? One needs to figure out how to filter which feedback should be considered.”
Why me?
For many, the answer lies in their stressful work-life which pushes them to take additional accountability and the pressure that comes with it. “A lot of people get into a negative way of thinking when they reach a certain level in their career. It’s almost as if they feel that if they don’t do well, their company won’t. But the fact is that companies will go on even if you’re not there and we have to learn to say ‘no’ on occasion and learn to take time out for ourselves and our family and treat ourselves with some respect. If a person can do that, it would reduce their stress levels but a lot,” explains Chavda.
Side-effects of a negative mindset
Apart from burning anxiety issues which could affect your work and personal life for the worse, becoming an overtly pessimistic person could lead to several other issues. “The pressure of meeting deadlines keeps them from eating in time and they end up with ulcers and acidity. Sometimes, they become so stressed out, they start snapping at everyone and become horrible people to live with. They’re not exercising because there’s no time for it. They resort to excessive drinking and smoking. And to top it all they constantly feel that they’re not performing as well as they should. Your work and home life is ruined and you’ve earned a horrible reputation,” explains Chavda.
The path to recovery
Acceptance is key and the first step to reviving one’s optimistic approach to life. Many of Chavda’s patients refuse to accept that they suffer from the condition which makes things worse. “Firstly, be aware of the fact that you are not superman, a lot of people feel it cannot happen to them. You may be strong but if there’s constant stress and your body is overworked, there will be issues — both physical and psychological and acknowledging that you have a problem that needs to be addressed doesn’t make you a lesser person,” explains Chavda. To break the negative mindset, Chavda feels one should begin by “making several lifestyle changes”. “Eat on time, perform a physical activity daily, cut down on smoking and drinking and channelise the stress appropriately,” he says.
Been there, done that
A simple line of reasoning one can approach to curb one’s fears of failure would be draw from past references when one has succeeded. “Think about the times when you’ve delivered a similar task within a stipulated time or try to tell yourself that this deadline can be negotiated,” explains Gupta, who feels that when one is too worried about meeting a deadline, he/she may not enjoy the process and this could also affect their productivity. “Perfectionists are more likely to procrastinate when given a deadline because it seems scarier for them. Since they want to be meticulous in their work and may take longer than others on a job and they would associate this event with how long it took them to deliver a similar job the last time around.”
The reward mechanism
Another popular method to cheat the mind, shares Gupta, is to remind oneself that the demanding phase will eventually pass, allowing one to rest and rejuvenate. “Tell yourself, ‘I am pulling an all-nighter today but tomorrow, I am going to sleep, relax and unwind’. Self-soothing is very important in breaking the negative cycle.”
█ Tell yourself, ‘I am pulling an all-nighter today but I’ll relax tomorrow. Self-soothing is very important in breaking the negative cycle
– Sonali Gupta, clinical psychologist
DREAMING
OF DOOMSDAY?
By Kunal Guha, Pune Mirror
Nov 20, 2017
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