9
Ways Mature People Deal With Negative Impulsive Thoughts
Most of
our days are filled with random thoughts. We have thousands of thoughts
per day. Many of those thoughts we are facing are negative impulsive
thoughts. Deepak Chopra was quoted in an article about meditation, saying that
we may have between 60,000 – 80,000 different thoughts per day. How many of
those are negative thoughts?
Sometimes
the negative thoughts are impulsive, intrusive, and overpowering. Sometimes we
act on those thoughts that do not seem like “us” or part of our character
and we deeply regret it later. It could be something as simple as blurting out
the first critical word to your best friend, really losing control with your
children by screaming or yelling, or even something more. It could also be
taking a financial risk that you know is not the best decision, or something
like feeling the need to drink more than you should, or use drugs because
of those negative impulsive thoughts.
We are
unable to control our thoughts, but we do have the power and ability to
control how we react to and deal with our thoughts, especially negative
impulsive thoughts. Here are 9 ways mature people deal with negative
impulsives.
1. They use the H.A.L.T.
method.
The
thought could be, “Go shopping and buy that outfit”, even when they don’t
have the extra money. It could be, “Go eat that big fat greasy
cheeseburger”, even when they are trying to eat healthy. For someone
that struggles with addiction issues, the thought could be, “Just go stop
off at that convenience store right now and buy a beer.” The thought for a
really stressed out parent at the end of their patience could be, “These kids
are so unruly right now, just spank the living you know what out of them.”
People that have lived with negative thought patterns their entire lives,
but choose a healthy reaction to those thoughts, ask themselves four
questions that are included in the acronym for H.A.L.T. They ask themselves: Am I Hungry? Am I Angry?
Am I Lonely?
Am I Tired?
If the answer to any of the questions are yes and they are having negative
impulsive thoughts, they take a step back and don’t react right away. Once they
are aware that they are lacking in food (or angry for any reason, or feel
lonely, or feel tired), they are able to take a breath. They take care of their
basic needs first instead of immediately reacting to those negative
impulsive thoughts.
2. They keep a journal.
It is no
secret that journaling one’s thoughts and feelings can be a positive act.
However, it is a struggle for many to get into the habit. Once they write
out some of their negative impulsive thoughts (or just write down the
feelings surrounding them), they get it out of their head and on
paper, and it releases the stress of the negative action that the thought
might bring. Once their feelings surrounding these thoughts are written down,
it is no longer stuck in their head or affecting their mood. Journaling
one’s thoughts can also be a way to kept track of how frequently these negative
impulsive thoughts might arise. If the negative impulsive thought might
involve telling someone how you really feel in a negative or hurtful way,
instead of writing in a journal, they might write a letter to that person or
write out a text that they don’t ever send. This action allows for
their feelings of anger to be released but not actually communicated or
sent to the person those thoughts and actions would involve. This way, they
avoid lashing out in anger or frustration but still allow the feelings to be
released so that they don’t later turn into resentments.
3. They talk to someone.
It is
known that having a mentor, a confidant, or someone you trust and you are able
to talk about your thoughts, feelings or issues with, can really help your
situation. Mature people talk to someone about their thoughts and feelings
to help sort things out. It could be a close friend they trust, a
therapist. a life coach, or even a mentor that they admire and consider someone
that would offer them sound advice with any given situation. The person
they share their information with is a safe person that is there to encourage
and guide, not one to ridicule or judge their situation.
4. They replace the negative impulsive thought with a
positive action.
Sometimes
they have negative impulsive thoughts about issues they might struggle with. If
it’s about lack of patience or quick anger towards their children, instead
of reflexively acting out, they take a step back. They go in a different
part of the house or set a boundary with their children that they need some
time for themselves. If they want to indulge in something sweet, or their
favorite burger, or pizza joint, they go for a walk or exercise instead. It
they want a new outfit or a pair of expensive shoes they can’t really afford,
they organize or go through their closet and find a few items they haven’t worn
in months. As a safe compromise, they could also browse clearance racks and buy
one item instead of a larger purchase they can’t afford. If they have addiction
issues, many times exercise or meditation can immediately change their mental
state for the better and are a great tools to utilise during periods of
negative impulsive thoughts about drinking or using drugs.
5. They process their feelings.
Feelings
are just feelings. They are neither right nor wrong. Mature people process
their feelings first and then choose which reaction they want to make based on
those thoughts and feelings. They are first presented with a thought, then a
feeling, and then they can decide how to respond. It is their responsibility to
own their feelings and make the best choice they can, based on the situation.
Mature people do not blame others for their actions or reactions, they take
responsibility for their own actions. They realise they have the power
of choosing how to react in any given situation, no matter how
negative or chaotic the current situation may be.
6. They think through the outcome.
If we
reacted on every single thought or feeling that came into our minds, there
might be a lot more people in prison or possibly even dead. For the most part,
we have pretty good self control as we don’t always react to every single
thought, desire, or feeling that we experience. Mature people that have
negative impulsive thoughts think through the outcome. They think what would
happen if they were to react to each to every negative impulsive thought
they have. For example, what if they drank too much and got behind the wheel of
a vehicle. The worst outcome could be their death or someone else’s. Instead,
they utilise a designated driver or a taxi. If someone in recovery
from addiction issues thinks through their thoughts on going back to
drinking or using drugs, they realize the relapse isn’t worth it and remain
sober for that day. If someone that enjoys shopping a little too much thinks
through the fact that they will go further into debt or worse, they decide
not to go shopping at all. If someone struggles with food addiction and
realises the long term affect could be a life threatening illnesses later down
the road, they eat something healthier or decide to exercise. After
thinking through the outcome of each negative impulsive thought, they
have the power to have stronger self control.
7. They filter out the lies.
Many of
the thoughts that come to us are not true, especially the negative impulsive
ones. Some thoughts tell us lies, like if we do take that drink or buy that new
outfit things will be great, when in reality there is a consequence for every
negative action. Mature people take the thought in and recognize it is not
true, rejecting it altogether. They will not act on impulse because
they know if they follow through on the action based on the thought the outcome
will be completely different than what their thoughts are telling them. When
they are hurt by someone and their negative impulsive thoughts tell
them to do the same to that person to get even or revenge, they
know the true outcome will eventually be guilt or shame for hurting someone
else even though they themselves have been hurt.
8. They practice forgiveness.
If we
continue to hold resentments or grudges towards others that have hurt us then
anger will follow us everywhere we go. With the feeling of anger
being a volatile one that can catapult a myriad of negative reactions in the
span of a few seconds. It is dangerous to continuously have underlying anger in
our lives because we have not forgiven others. Mature people practice
forgiveness in their lives so that anger is not an underlying presence. Many
times, feeling anger can be justified if others have hurt us, but to hold onto
that anger is detrimental to our happiness. If we don’t forgive others, we
actually allow them to still have control in our lives and our past because we
have not let go of the event or person that hurt us. Forgiveness is a
process, but mature people find other people that can help them work on the
process of forgiveness and be able to live their lives with a clearer conscious
and a heart that is no longer bitter. There is freedom in forgiveness. Mature
people continually practice forgiveness. This makes them less likely to
give in to negative impulsive thoughts because they have no lingering anger,
hate, or resentments towards others just waiting to rise up within them.
9. The practice prayer or meditation.
Many
times, believing in something greater than yourself can be a very positive
thing. Mature people utilize prayer or meditation to lessen the stress of
everyday life by giving those issues up to something greater than themselves.
They could be a part of many of the numerous practicing religions
around the world today, or just giving up their issues to a higher power (which
many recovery groups are based on). They choose to believe in something else to
help them get through their everyday lives. When negative impulsive thoughts
come, they pray for the thoughts to stop, or to be led to the best reaction
based on whichever negative impulsive thought they are faced with.
BY WENDY REDDEN
http://www.lifehack.org/284940/8-ways-mature-people-deal-with-negative-impulsive-thoughts?ref=mail&mtype=goal_reminder&mid=20161003_with_thumbnail&uid=687414&hash=707e797f7e757e6d794c856d747b7b3a6f7b79&action=read_more&goal_id=25&token=d0e3e4b03809d240b52d71f8a6770fa9
No comments:
Post a Comment