3 Ways to Use
Negative Feelings to Your Advantage
I've always loved the Aesop
Fable that coined the expression "sour grapes." It's
about a fox that can't reach the grapes on a tree, and after many failed
attempts, walks away grapeless, saying to himself, "Well, those grapes
were probably sour anyway."
The typical moral of this story is that people criticize what they
can't obtain. We hate what we can't have. And this is too true—anyone with
critics and haters understands this well.
But in a totally different interpretation, I've always liked the
fox's attitude.
We don't always get the metaphorical grapes, and that's OK. But
what if we could learn to detach from our desire for them with the help of a
little shade—rather than regret their absence or loss?
Here's how you can apply this on the daily:
1. So you didn't
get a job...
Hey, the boss seemed like a control freak anyway! Right?
Don't obsess over what you could have done differently or
should/shouldn't have said in the interview. If you didn't get the job, it
wasn't your job. Now think for a moment… what was the less-than-perfect
truth about it, really? Bad location? No WFH flexibility? A real bitch as a
potential co-worker? You felt her attitude in interview No. 2!
Perhaps there wasn't that much of a boost to your paycheck or
there was no signing bonus to celebrate with? Sprinkle the negative lavishly to
Let. It. Go.
2. A date ghosts
you...
It's happened to the best of us. Was he or she a player and you're
better off not wasting your time? Is a ghosting-type really what you deserve?
In my 20s, I dated a guy once who I was soooo into, but he was
soooo unreliable. I fretted. I cried to my girlfriends. I was deeply confused
by him. One day, my best friend said, "Ya know… he's a weird one. What's
he doing when he goes silent for days at a time? He might end up on Most
Wanted on TV."
It made me laugh. I didn't think he was a serial killer, but my
friend's statement did help turn my attention to the things I
didn't like about him. He was kind of into himself. And not
good at communicating. Our dates had to be on his turf and terms. After a
ponder, I couldn't help but land at… "Screw that!" A good old focus
on the undesirable parts of this man put me in a much calmer, clearer state
about releasing him.
Ironically, my phone then started blowing up with phone calls from
him. "Ciao, psycho!" my friends would giggle when his name lit up my
screen.
This is an important side note—releasing removes resistance. And
no resistance allows you to attract better things—I met my now-husband weeks
later. Letting go of old grapes leads you to new, juicy grapes… and fast.
3. You lost your
coat...
I'm always surprised at how people suffer (and go on and on) when
they lose something. In the long term, who cares? My mum
always said, "Don't cry over things that wouldn't cry over you."
Think about it: Your coat had a hole in it, right? And you already
needed a new one? Or your umbrella? It's just an umbrella! A friend of mine
lost her phone at a bar this summer and was phoneless for two whole days. She
said it was… heaven! She wants to institute a no-phone policy for a whole day a
week. "And your screen was broken!" I reminded her. Those
grapes were sour.
It's up to us to reframe any perceived loss as a positive. Most
recently, I severed a friendship and instead of mulling over it and feeling
sad, I realized how much lighter and happier I am without this friend in my
life (I used to dread our lunches—where it was 60 percent her complaining).
The best news? Nature abhors a vacuum. It's a universal law. That
means that empty spaces fill quickly… but only when we let go of those grapes
BY SUSIE
MOORE
https://greatist.com/live/turn-negative-thoughts-into-positive-thoughts
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