The Gentle Art of Saying No
It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take
on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be
able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.
But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through
phone, email, IM or in person. To
stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of
Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.
What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can
hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not
usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future,
you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and
saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.
But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your
relationship.
Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying
No
1. Value your time.
Know your commitments, and how
valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of
your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And
tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.
2. Know your
priorities.
Even if you do have some extra time
(which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want
to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time
with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
3. Practice saying no.
Practice makes perfect. Saying “no”
as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable
with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get
a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting,
just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
4. Don’t apologize.
A common way to start out is “I’m
sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is
important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and
unapologetic about guarding your time.
5. Stop being nice.
Again, it’s important to be polite,
but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy
for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if
you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time
is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not
on your top priority list) as possible.
6. Say no to your boss.
Sometimes we feel that we have to say
yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like
we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact,
it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many
commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing
commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your
project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s
only so much you can take on at one time.
7. Pre-empting.
It’s often much easier to pre-empt
requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know
that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone
as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week
is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new
requests
8. Get back to you.
Instead of providing an answer then
and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some
thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some
consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t
take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and
checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this
time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
9. Maybe later.
If this is an option that you’d like
to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often
better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just
don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in
[give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have
some free time on your hands.
10.
It’s not you, it’s me.
This classic dating rejection can
work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person
or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this
time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the
organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re
looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense
insincerity.
Leo Babauta https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-gentle-art-of-saying-no.html
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