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What’s your style?
It’s tough to be a mother with so many relatives,
experts, books and blogs ready to dole out advice. Leslie Ferris, parenting
expert, who coaches parents of struggling teens and young adults, helps you
navigate through the rhetoric to come up with your own style of effective
parenting.
“In reality, most parents don’t ‘choose’ a style; rather, they most
often default to their natural style.
Their natural style is a product
of how they were raised, their views on parenting, and what has happened to
them till that date. It takes work and selfawareness for a parent to choose
a style that is outside their default way of being.”
“Parenting is not an event, it is a journey.
Parents should spend time
thinking about what their default parenting style is, and what changes they
would like to make to benefit their children and themselves. It is
important to remain flexible and understand that styles may need to change
along with the changing needs of the children.”
“The parenting style one chooses doesn’t always have a profound effect
on the child’s development;
but it can, depending upon the
temperament of the child, the severity of the parenting style, and what
other influences the child has in his/her life. Many other things have a
profound effect, like the child’s genetic makeup, their caregivers, school
experiences, extended family etc.”
“There is no one ‘right’ style or one ‘best’ parenting recipe that
applies to all children.
Every parent, every family, and every child is different. It is up to
each family to navigate what is right for them. This is the part that makes
parenting so difficult!”
“You can combine two or more parenting styles.
While consistency is really
important in parenting, styles can be combined, especially when different
situations or different children are involved.”
“It is difficult when one parent clashes, disagrees, or even outright
conflicts with the other. That situation is not good for the parents or
the child. It can take time, patience, and work in order for parents to
talk to each other and then come to a mutual agreement about how to parent,
yet this is what should be done. It works best when the parents present a
unified front of love and consistency with the child.”
Guiding principles of good parenting
Unconditionally love the child, independent of
what they do or accomplish.
Parent the child you have, not the one you want!
Don’t do things for the child that he can do for
himself.
Don’t try to be a perfect person in the eyes of
your child – share your past failures, successes, fears, hope, and dreams.
Be clear, consistent, and enforce boundaries.
Children feel safe when there are boundaries and they know what they are,
even if they challenge them.
4 MAJOR TYPES OF PARENTING.
1 Authoritative parenting (Good
style):
Parents are attentive,
forgiving, can understand how their children are feeling and teach them how
to regulate feelings. They do not force their children to obey them
blindly, but make them understand why they must follow certain rules and
regulations. They encourage their children to be independent but still
control and limit their actions.
2 Permissive parenting (Good style but has limitations):
These parents are nurturing,
accepting, and are responsive to the child’s needs and wishes. Also known
as Indulgent parenting, this style allows children to be selfregulated.
This may result in creating spoilt brats, depending on the child’s
individual experiences at home, school etc.
3 Authoritarian parenting (Need for concern):
A strict style, where parents
establish rigid rules and regulations for children and failure to obey
their guidelines result in punishment. Authoritarian parents expect a lot
from their child, but generally do not explain the reasoning for the rules
or boundaries. It allows little open dialogue between the parent and child.
4 Uninvolved parenting (Need for
grave concern):
The involvement of parents in
this parenting process is zero. They do not communicate effectively with
their kids. This kind of neglectful parenting can stem from a variety of
reasons like parents prioritising themselves, lack of encouragement on the
parents’ parts, financial stresses, rift between partners, etc.
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