Beware of predators!
Fed
on romantic literature, girls fall easy prey to male predators watching them
from the fringes of society. Here’s how to save yourself from sure heartbreak
I am generally pretty optimistic, focussing on the sunnier side of things. A typical Sagittarian, I would ideally try to shoot an arrow over the rainbow, so I can see both, sunshine and a rainbow together. So fascinated I am by the silver edges that I often fail to notice dark clouds. Heck, I even prefer my eggs sunny side up, never turned over easy.
And yet, when it comes to trusting men, there is an innate wariness in me that borders on cynicism. A man has to work twice as hard as a woman to prove himself to me. I am aware of the unfairness of that statement, but that’s how it is. Of course once the trust is earned, it is steady. That is the fallout of an overprotective upbringing. As little girls, and especially those educated in convent schools, we are all warned to be wary of anything in pants. As a result, you kind of grow up a doubting Jane and learn to be super careful.
We all know that some men are forever on the prowl. The men who are misfits in society, the mysterious loners who hold an allure for unsuspecting girls. Lesson to learn? Be suspicious. Mothers warn their daughters against exactly these men while, ironically, literature has romanticised the same breed of men – the strong and silent type. Remember Mr Rochester in Jane Eyre? Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice? Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights? Even Howard Roark in The Fountainhead? Or a Mills & Boon hero? The more brooding and difficult they are, the greater their appeal. Each one of them is a perfect example of a sociopath who amazingly changes colour once he meets ‘the right girl’.
And herein begins the problem that plagues our fair sex. All girls fed on a diet of impossible romance start dreaming of a sociopath they can help change and claim as their very own Darcy. That makes it easier for the predators lounging silently on the fringes of society. They recognise this and understand a woman’s emotions and responses much better than she does herself. They know exactly which string to pull to manipulate her.
These men play upon a woman’s irrepressible romantic instinct and her compulsion to love and mould another human being. So anyone off the beaten track interests and excites women. If he has an artistic streak, all the better, because it suggests greater sensitivity harboured within, awaiting her love to wash him in a new light. He knows this and plays the game well, fascinating her with his dark moods and sudden spurts of heart-melting romance. And so, all bad boys find well-meaning little women, eager to please and hoping to change them.
But goodness, is she in for a huge heartbreak? Yes, because the sociopath is incapable of loving anyone but himself. He will romance her wildly, get her hooked and then move on to the next victim. The poor girls forget that most of the romantic novels end at the point where the hero unites with the heroine, without talking of the undoubtedly awful marriage the two will have. For, how can a man full of himself, focussed on his own needs and incapable of loving another, be good husband material?
For all those girls out there fed on romantic literature, here are a few tips on how to recognise the predator who feeds on nice girls. You may still get swept off your feet, but at least you’ll have been warned:
Anyone who is unbelievably good has to be unreal. This may sound cynical, but when have you ever seen a perfect hero walk out of a book or movie and enter your life? The good guys are the real guys, the ones with all their foibles and follies, the ones who forget to wish you on your special day, but are always there to pick up the broken pieces when you most need them.
Watch out for flowery compliments that ring untrue. While some concession can be made for a heart touched by romance, an overflow of compliments that are unbelievable even to your own ears should be taken with fistfuls of salt.
He is charming, but just when you are most bemused and starry-eyed, just when you are slipping under the spell, step back and take another hard look at him beyond his hypnotic eyes. Is the charm superficial or genuine?
Most rakes are pathological liars. If you happen to catch his lie, do not take it lightly. Be alert and watch out for further untruths.
Most sociopaths have a grandiose sense of themselves. They will exaggerate and try to portray themselves as highly important. This may or may not be to impress you; it is just the way they are.
Their emotions are pretty shallow and sociopaths rarely have friends.You will be able to figure this out by checking on his relations with relatives and friends.
They have poor control over their emotions and find it difficult to control their anger or irritation. They also do not respond with emotion to good or bad news.
A sociopath will not find it easy to apologise. In fact, he will almost never accept his fault, preferring to blame others.
Recognise anyone close to you? If you do, put a hand over your heart and run miles away if you wish to avoid a major heartbreak.
I am generally pretty optimistic, focussing on the sunnier side of things. A typical Sagittarian, I would ideally try to shoot an arrow over the rainbow, so I can see both, sunshine and a rainbow together. So fascinated I am by the silver edges that I often fail to notice dark clouds. Heck, I even prefer my eggs sunny side up, never turned over easy.
And yet, when it comes to trusting men, there is an innate wariness in me that borders on cynicism. A man has to work twice as hard as a woman to prove himself to me. I am aware of the unfairness of that statement, but that’s how it is. Of course once the trust is earned, it is steady. That is the fallout of an overprotective upbringing. As little girls, and especially those educated in convent schools, we are all warned to be wary of anything in pants. As a result, you kind of grow up a doubting Jane and learn to be super careful.
We all know that some men are forever on the prowl. The men who are misfits in society, the mysterious loners who hold an allure for unsuspecting girls. Lesson to learn? Be suspicious. Mothers warn their daughters against exactly these men while, ironically, literature has romanticised the same breed of men – the strong and silent type. Remember Mr Rochester in Jane Eyre? Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice? Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights? Even Howard Roark in The Fountainhead? Or a Mills & Boon hero? The more brooding and difficult they are, the greater their appeal. Each one of them is a perfect example of a sociopath who amazingly changes colour once he meets ‘the right girl’.
And herein begins the problem that plagues our fair sex. All girls fed on a diet of impossible romance start dreaming of a sociopath they can help change and claim as their very own Darcy. That makes it easier for the predators lounging silently on the fringes of society. They recognise this and understand a woman’s emotions and responses much better than she does herself. They know exactly which string to pull to manipulate her.
These men play upon a woman’s irrepressible romantic instinct and her compulsion to love and mould another human being. So anyone off the beaten track interests and excites women. If he has an artistic streak, all the better, because it suggests greater sensitivity harboured within, awaiting her love to wash him in a new light. He knows this and plays the game well, fascinating her with his dark moods and sudden spurts of heart-melting romance. And so, all bad boys find well-meaning little women, eager to please and hoping to change them.
But goodness, is she in for a huge heartbreak? Yes, because the sociopath is incapable of loving anyone but himself. He will romance her wildly, get her hooked and then move on to the next victim. The poor girls forget that most of the romantic novels end at the point where the hero unites with the heroine, without talking of the undoubtedly awful marriage the two will have. For, how can a man full of himself, focussed on his own needs and incapable of loving another, be good husband material?
For all those girls out there fed on romantic literature, here are a few tips on how to recognise the predator who feeds on nice girls. You may still get swept off your feet, but at least you’ll have been warned:
Anyone who is unbelievably good has to be unreal. This may sound cynical, but when have you ever seen a perfect hero walk out of a book or movie and enter your life? The good guys are the real guys, the ones with all their foibles and follies, the ones who forget to wish you on your special day, but are always there to pick up the broken pieces when you most need them.
Watch out for flowery compliments that ring untrue. While some concession can be made for a heart touched by romance, an overflow of compliments that are unbelievable even to your own ears should be taken with fistfuls of salt.
He is charming, but just when you are most bemused and starry-eyed, just when you are slipping under the spell, step back and take another hard look at him beyond his hypnotic eyes. Is the charm superficial or genuine?
Most rakes are pathological liars. If you happen to catch his lie, do not take it lightly. Be alert and watch out for further untruths.
Most sociopaths have a grandiose sense of themselves. They will exaggerate and try to portray themselves as highly important. This may or may not be to impress you; it is just the way they are.
Their emotions are pretty shallow and sociopaths rarely have friends.You will be able to figure this out by checking on his relations with relatives and friends.
They have poor control over their emotions and find it difficult to control their anger or irritation. They also do not respond with emotion to good or bad news.
A sociopath will not find it easy to apologise. In fact, he will almost never accept his fault, preferring to blame others.
Recognise anyone close to you? If you do, put a hand over your heart and run miles away if you wish to avoid a major heartbreak.
VINITA DAWRA NANGIA TL 131208
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