Most of us know not to give in to all of our impulses. In fact, we
spend much of our average day managing our wants and needs, a recent study
on self-regulation (Hofmann et al., 2012) showed.
The study had 200 people report on whether they felt any desire, how
strongly, whether they tried to resist it, and how successful they were. In
the course of a week, a total of 7,000 desires was reported, with
participants claiming to resist two out of every five of their impulses.
Willpower, a limited resource
While the reasons why people succumbed to some of their desires
aren't entirely clear, willpower depletion probably played
a major role.
Say you're on a restrictive diet and have to employ self-regulation
throughout the day to keep yourself from eating anything that's not
protein. If you have to use self-regulation again later in the evening—for
refraining from yelling at your flatmate for not doing the dishes, for
example—you're far less likely to succeed. Why? You've used up all your
willpower trying not to eat carbs!
Studies show that people become more aggressive when their willpower
is depleted. Couples who are usually harmonious treat each other worse
(Finkel et al., 2009), blaming each other (Vohs & Baumeister, 2008) and
paying more attention to attractive people of the opposite sex (Vohs &
Baumeister, 2008).
Research also suggests that self-regulation is like a muscle. The
more frequently you use it, the stronger it gets.
Regulating emotions
When we think of self-regulation, we usually think of resisting
impulse. But we also regulate our emotions. You already have strategies for
doing that, but here are others you can add to your repertoire:
· Breathing deeply. Taking
slow, deep breaths helps keep emotions in check, calms the body down, and
prevents you from turning into the Hulk. Watch
this video to learn how to breathe correctly
.
· Taking your mind off it. Distracting
yourself from your problems, just for a while, helps you re-approach them
with more clarity and perspective. But only if you pick the “right”
distraction. If you're angry, reading or going for a walk can calm you
down; venting, shopping, or eating can make you feel worse.
· Challenging your thoughts. Buddha,
Epictetus, Shakespeare, and most psychologists agree: it's not objective
events that make you sad and angry, it's the thoughts you have about them.
Because not all your thoughts are rational, disputing them is good for
you. Here's
a form that helps you do that.
· Getting a good night's sleep. Sleep
recharges your brain, and when you miss out on getting some shuteye, you're
less likely to be in control of your emotions. Get
tips for getting a good night's rest.
· Practicing self-compassion. We don't
always succeed at regulating all our impulses, thoughts, moods, and
emotions. And that's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it! Be kind to
yourself and do better next time.
And remember, the more you practice self-regulation, the more
willpower you will have for resisting temptations and impulses in the
future.
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