How Emotionally Intelligent Bosses Resolve Conflicts
The most skilled peacemakers
know how to talk with the warring parties separately before bringing them to
the table.
As the boss, one of your main goals is to
create a workplace that fosters collaboration, encouragement, and unity. Sounds
simple enough, right? But human beings are far from simple.
Sometimes,
despite your best efforts to ensure everyone works well together, there are
employees who just
can’t seem to get along with each other. And if you
don’t handle the situation, it can wreak havoc on an otherwise solid workplace.
"People
leave their jobs because of ineffective leaders and toxic work teams, even more
so than for low pay."
"These
days, people leave their jobs because of ineffective leaders and toxic work
teams, even more so than for low pay," says Marcia Reynolds, author
of The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations Into
Breakthroughs. "And they will stay with good leaders and teams they
enjoy working with, even if they are offered more money elsewhere."
Follow these tips to help your direct reports
mend fences and move forward.
"The fact
that people disagree isn’t a bad thing," says Amy Gallo, author of
the HBR
Guide to Managing Conflict at Work.
"It’s how
we manage conflict that can be damaging to
productivity."
However, not every little squabble requires
you to get involved. For everyday friction that occurs at work, give people
space to disagree and work things out. But when a disagreement becomes
personal, or when it’s affecting the work, then it’s time for you to intervene.
The first step
to finding peace: Talk to both parties separately.
The first step to finding peace: Talk to both
parties separately, says Lindred Greer, an assistant professor of
organizational behavior at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business.
Start with one-on-one conversations, Gallo
says, and help each person do the important initial work of "seeing the
other person’s perspective, understanding their own emotions, and preparing for
the conversation."
Your job is to make sure you have the
complete story and give everyone a chance to voice their grievances.
"Often conflicts erupt because one person doesn’t feel heard," Gallo
says. "Just making someone feel heard can help."
It can be difficult for someone to put into
words exactly why they feel slighted. "Most of us have a very limited
emotional vocabulary," Gallo explains. To help employees dig deeper and
better understand their own feelings about the situation, ask questions that
focus on their emotions. For example, "if you’re disappointed versus
angry, you’re going to act very differently," Gallo says.
You also want to ask questions to help each
person take the other’s perspective. Gallo suggests asking, "What do you
think is going on with her?" or, "What’s making him act that
way?" If your employee is not immediately able to come up with realistic
answers, keep pushing: "What else could be going on? What could be an
alternate theory?" Help them open their mind to other viewpoints and
perspectives that could help foster understanding.
Finally, ask questions to bring out what
behavioral psychologists call "efficacy"—show team members that they
have the power to solve the problem. Ask them, "What’s something you could
do to make this situation better?"
Through asking meaningful questions, Gallo
says, you’re helping the employee understand their own nuanced feelings, see
the other person’s perspective, and pinpoint something they can do about it.
They will walk away feeling heard and empowered.
Once you’ve helped each side to gain a bit of
clarity, encourage them to talk with each other privately, communicating to
each other what they have each separately communicated to you.
Ask questions
to bring out what behavioral psychologists call "efficacy"—show team
members that they have the power to solve the problem.
Express confidence that they can work out
their differences and find resolution on their own. Be careful about acting as
a direct mediator between two employees. "Only insert yourself if they ask
you to be there," Gallo says.
After the immediate disagreements are
addressed, map out a plan to help everybody stay on the same page. Help your
employees identify what group success looks like—and how success for the group
is different than individual success, says Reynolds.
With a shared mission statement that everyone
believes in, you can rally your team to work toward that mission together in
harmony.
LEE
PRICE, MONSTER
https://www.fastcompany.com/3066431/how-emotionally-intelligent-bosses-resolve-conflicts?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fast-company-daily-newsletter&position=2&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=12132016
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