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Measuring your EQ isn't as simple as
measuring your height or your weight. There are EQ tests you can take, but
they have certain limitations.
The problem with EQ
What's the
most 'emotionally intelligent' way to comfort a friend? It depends — on the
situation and on the friend. Yet most EQ tests work with right/wrong
answers to generic situations.
Most
importantly, they work with answers you give about who you are and how you
behave. But are you the best person to assess your personality and
emotional intelligence?
Yes and no.
Studies show that we're good at judging certain traits but not so great at
judging others. Most of us can accurately assess our levels of happiness,
anxiety, and self-esteem, for example, but when it comes to evaluating our
intelligence, creativity, and
interestingness, others do a better job than we do.
In spite of
that, traditional EQ tests rely exclusively on self-reporting. As a result,
they measure not how emotionally intelligent you are, but how emotionally
intelligent you think you are.
Finding truth
in consensus
An accurate
measure of your emotional intelligence should, therefore, consider
considering not just how you see yourself (your identity), but also how
others see you (your reputation).
Your identity
is an idealized self-image that guides your behavior. Your reputation is
the social consensus about how you actually behave. Robert Hogan, a pioneer
in psychological testing, believes that the only way to accurately assess
someone's personality is to study their reputation.
Journalist
James Surowiecki, author of the book Wisdom of Crowds, agrees that there's
truth behind collective evaluations. According to him, a diverse group of
independently deciding individuals, can make better assessments than single
individuals and even experts.
The takeaway for measuring emotional
intelligence
Want to know
how empathic, motivated, or self-aware you are? Examine yourself -- but
make sure you get other perspectives, too.
Consider
getting feedback from people from different social circles and areas of
your life. When you ask for feedback, focus on specific actions and
behavior (ask, "Do I follow through with the things I set out to
do?" and not "Am I motivated?").
If you want to
go one step further, consider creating an online survey and sharing it with
friends, relatives, and teammates. This is an idea taken from G. Richard
Shell’s Springboard:
Launching Your Personal Search for Success. In this book, the business professor encourages people to seek
input from their social network in order to discover (or validate) their
strengths.
Whichever path
you choose for measuring and increasing your emotional intelligence,
remember to be kind to yourself.
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