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We learned that EQ is a better
predictor of success than IQ. That is, you need to get along in order to
get ahead. But can you actually become more emotionally intelligent? The
answer is yes — if you believe your personality can change over time.
Stanford psychology professor
Carol Dweck studies people's self-theories — she calls them 'mindsets' —
and the crucial role they play in how people function in the world.
The two types of mindsets
Some people believe they can
improve their abilities through effort and education. They love learning
new things, embrace challenges, learn from feedback, and are inspired by
other people's successes. They have what Dweck calls a 'growth mindset'.
Others believe that their
qualities are carved in stone. They believe strongly in talent and see
effort as fruitless. They tend to avoid challenges and ignore feedback that
could help them improve. These people have what she calls a 'fixed
mindset'.
A growth mindset empowers you to
learn and to grow. A fixed mindset keeps you in your comfort zone and
prevents you from living up to your full potential.
Growth mindset and EQ
“People say to me all the time,
‘I’m not a people person,’ or ‘I’m not good at managing my emotions,’
unaware that they’re expressing a fixed mindset," writes Peter
Salovey, social psychologist at Yale and a pioneer in EQ research.
Salovey seems to suggest that a
fixed mindset is limiting, and also incompatible with how your brain really
works. For example, it goes against all evidence of neuroplasticity, the
brain's ability to change even after you become an adult.
And it ignores a growing body of
research that shows that, when people adopt a growth mindset, they become
more motivated to learn and perform better on challenging tasks.
So, step 1 to increasing
your EQ is believing it's possible.
Here are the others:
2. Identify
opportunities for growth
To develop your EQ, you need to have a clear picture of
where you are right now. One way to do that is to record in a diary social
situations in which you were either successful or unsuccessful at
understanding yourself and others. What were your thoughts? What were your
emotions? What were your behaviors?
3. Be flexible
Don't be afraid to try new things just because you might
fail. Allowing yourself to make mistakes means that you're taking on
appropriate challenges, and you're in constant learning mode. Experiment
with different strategies and pay close attention to which ones work.
4. Expect results
People with a growth mindset know they are going to fail
from time to time, but they know that eventually all their effort will
pay off. Expecting results is what keeps you motivated. After all, if
you don’t think you're going to succeed, then why bother?
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