18 Ways to Improve
Your Body Language
There is no specific advice on how to use your body language.
What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and
who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language
differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy
you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language
and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your
body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how
you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to
practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching
you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give
you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.
Another tip is to
close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident,
open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like
that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want
observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good
body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you
like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips
might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a
useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too.
If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will
feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel
calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings
of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy
it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost
ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s
ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a
bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1.
Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross
your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your
legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2.
Have eye contact, but don’t stare –
If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact
to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much
eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem
insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little
hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to
it.
3.
Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or
standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are
comfortable in your own skin.
4.
Relax your shoulders –
When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They
might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the
shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5.
Nod when they are talking –
nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and
peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6.
Don’t slouch, sit up straight –
but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7.
Lean, but not too much – If
you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward
the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and
relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and
desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant
and distant.
8.
Smile and laugh – lighten up,
don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone
says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if
you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own
jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to
someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9.
Don’t touch your face –
it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the
people in the conversation.
10.
Keep your head up –
Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit
lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11.
Slow down a bit – this goes for
many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it
will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap
your neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12.
Don’t fidget and try to
avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as
shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem
nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something
across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax,
slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently instead of fidgeting with
your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying
to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you
are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting.
And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14.
Lower your drink. Don’t
hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front
of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold
it beside your leg instead.
15.
Realise where you spine ends –
many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight
back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the
neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward. Your
spine ends in the back of your head. Keep your whole spine straight and aligned
for better posture.
16.
Don’t stand too close –one
of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a
close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
17.
Mirror – Often when you get along with a
person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror
each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body
language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring.
If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her
thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every
change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18.
Keep a good attitude –
last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel
will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.
You can change your
body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like
keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of
days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it
might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these
body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they
should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even
thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of
things you’d like to change and work on them.
by HENRIK EDBERG
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2006/10/27/18-ways-to-improve-your-body-language/
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