BOOK
SUMMARY (23)
Persuasion
·
Summary written by: Jill Donahue
“How do you convince someone to do what you want,
in a way that leaves both of you feeling good about it?”
Persuasion,
opening line, page 1
Is ‘Persuasion’ a bad word? Arlene Dickinson
doesn’t think so. In fact she equates persuasion with connecting and caring. In her book Persuasion:
A New Approach to Changing Minds she
shares her stories, trials and tribulations that led to her understanding of
persuasion as a partnership.
Arlene had a less than ideal beginning to her
business success. At thirty-one she found herself fighting the battle of her
life – for custody of her 4 young children, with only a high school diploma, no
savings and no clue of what to do.
She climbed from despair to incredible
influence and success. When asked “How did you do it?”,
her short answer is “I figured out how and why
principled persuasion works.” And she admits it is easy! By the end
of her book, you not only feel you too can be persuasive but you can’t wait to
apply her lessons!
Golden Egg
Care
and Listen
“It’s astonishing how often people go into critically
important meetings armed with spreadsheets, an impressive track record, and
lofty-sounding mission statements and promises, yet with no clue what the other
party actually wants.”
Persuasion, page
124
And how do you figure out what they want?
Simply put: caring and listening. If you put them first, are interested in them
and ask questions such that you listen more than you talk, you are sure to
discover it!
Persuasion, Dickinson says, is about
connecting; not only wanting what is best for the other party but caring enough
to find out what it is. This way, you achieve an outcome that benefits others
while simultaneously attaining your goal. The key to this path is caring and
listening.
“…at least half of what makes you persuasive
occurs before you ever even open your mouth.” (Page 123)
When was the last time you started your
effort to persuade with a question? Perhaps it’s time to stop telling and start
engaging. Find out what is important to them and what they want. Make
persuasion an interaction, a dialogue not a monologue.
GEM # 1
Trustworthiness
“Trust is the bedrock of ethical persuasion; the other
party has to believe completely that you have told and always will tell the
truth, even when it’s difficult.”
Persuasion, page
62
Do you ever feel tempted to shade the truth
or lie by omission? Arlene urges us to resist at all
cost. She describes how your reputation is your most valuable asset to
persuading others. Think about it. You often are asking the other party to
deviate from a preconceived notion and take a different path, maybe even take a
leap of faith. That leap is possible only when they feel they can rely on you
completely. Even one small indiscretion could irreparably damage that trust.
Arlene shows us that successful persuasion
comes from a place of honesty, authenticity and reciprocity. Long term, honesty
is not only the best policy it is also the most persuasive one.
GEM # 2
Failure
“Mistakes are an inevitable part of the equation of
achievement.”
Persuasion, page
229
An overarching theme throughout Persuasion is the benefit of failure.
Dickinson writes about her mistakes because they are the most memorable, with
the greatest learning opportunities, she ruminates.
How you think about mistakes impacts your
success. Dickinson helps us think of mistakes as learning opportunities to gain
the powerful “growth mindset”. When we have this mindset, we believe that
intelligence can be transformed through effort. We are more likely to keep
trying until we succeed.
For example, while she is arming us with the
right attitude and focus to persuade, she warns us there will still be failure.
The changing dynamics and infinite variables when dealing with people make it
impossible to create a guaranteed successful influential plan.
The story you tell yourself about mistakes is
key. Try to think like:
·
Henry Ford: “Failure provides the opportunity to begin
again, more intelligently.” P.
233
·
Thomas Edison: “I didn’t fail one thousand times. The light bulb was an invention
with one thousand steps.”
·
Oprah Winfrey: “I only
got the opportunity to co-host a talk show because I had failed at news.”
Simply ask yourself “What can I learn from
this?” and “How can I improve?” and pull up your socks and try again.
“If you can stop thinking about your
own need for self-gratification, it’s much easier to understand what’s driving
other people and to figure out how to make their goals compatible with yours.
At the end of the day, that’s persuasion.” (page 153)
And anyone can try it…. In just about any
situation in business and life.
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