10
Reasons People Really Don't Like You (and How to Fix That)
Some people are thoughtful and charming and
genuine. Others are not. Some people are
remarkably likable. Other people,
unfortunately, are not -- and that might include you.
Can
that impact your chances for success? Probably so:
Research
shows "popular workers were seen as
trustworthy, motivated, serious, decisive, and hardworking... and their
less-liked colleagues were perceived as arrogant, conniving and
manipulative."
Ouch.
If any of the following
apply to you, decide you'll make some changes, if only because that will also
make you a lot happier.
1. You control.
Yeah, you're the boss. Yeah, you're the titan of industry. Yeah,
you're the small tail that wags a huge dog.
Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find
yourself trying hard to control other people, you've decided that you, your
goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires
force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure--none of those let you
feel good about yourself.
Find people who want to go where you're going. They'll work
harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.
And all of you will be happier.
2. You blame.
People make mistakes. Employees don't meet your expectations.
Vendors don't deliver on time.
So you blame them for your problems.
But you're also to blame. Maybe you didn't provide enough
training. Maybe you didn't build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too
much, too soon.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming
others isn't masochistic; it's empowering, because then you focus on doing
things better or smarter next time.
And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.
3. You try to impress.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions,
your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all "things." People
may like your things, but that doesn't mean they like you.
Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also
insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real
relationship.
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you'll form genuine
relationships only when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be
yourself.
4. You cling.
When you're afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you
know, even if what you know isn't particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or insecurity isn't happiness: It's just an
absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what you think
you need won't make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try
to earn what you want will.
Even if you don't succeed in earning what you want, the act of
trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.
5. You interrupt.
Interrupting isn't just
rude. When you interrupt someone, what you're really saying is, "I'm not
listening to you so I can understand what you're saying; I'm listening to you
so I can decide what I want to
say."
Want people to like you?
Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you
understand what they say.
They'll love you for it--and you'll love how that makes you
feel.
6. You whine.
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your
problems makes you feel worse, not better.
If something is wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that
effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it
forever, eventually you'll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.
Don't talk about what's wrong. Talk about how you'll make things
better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don't be just
the shoulder they cry on.
Friends don't let friends whine. Friends help friends make their
lives better.
7. You criticize.
Yeah, you're more educated. Yeah, you're more experienced. Yeah,
you've been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more
dragons.
That doesn't make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.
That just makes you you:
unique, matchless, one of a kind--but in the end, just you.
Just like everyone else, including your employees.
Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different.
Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you'll see
people--and yourself--in a better light.
8. You preach.
Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the
same father: Judging.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely
you are to think you know everything and to tell people everything you think
you know.
When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may
hear you but they don't listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling
less happy.
9. You dwell.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the
mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It
depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance
to learn something you didn't know. When another person makes a mistake, see
that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn't define you. Think about
what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time,
you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
10. You fear.
We're all afraid, of what might or might not happen, of what we
can't change, or what we won't be able to do, or how other people might
perceive us.
So it's easier to
hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little
longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.
Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by.
And so do our dreams.
Don't let your fears hold you back. Whatever you've been
planning, whatever you've imagined, whatever you've dreamed of, get started on
it today.
If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you
want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a
new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.
Put your fears aside and
get started. Do something. Do anything.
Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost
forever.
Today is the most precious asset you own-and is the one thing
you should truly fear wasting
BY JEFF HADEN
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-reasons-people-really-don-t-like-you-and-how-to-fix-that.html?cid=em01016week43a
http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-reasons-people-really-don-t-like-you-and-how-to-fix-that.html?cid=em01016week43a
No comments:
Post a Comment