TRAVEL SPECIAL ...................BHaRaT daRSHaN ON A BUDGET

BHaRaT daRSHaN ON A BUDGET

An A to Z Guide

Offering quirky, odd, mostly accurate, somewhat useful information curated by a broke couple who travelled across India on a very, very tight budget to write a book and lived to tell the tale.

B Bakeries

If, like Marie Antoinette (and at least one-half of the broke couple) you believe that when people can't have bread they should eat cake, you can pitch your tent at the German Bakeries. These are found in all hippie quarters ­ whether Jaisalmer, Rishikesh or our very own Paharganj in New Delhi ­ and sell their ubiquitous chocolate cake by the kilo.But, intrepid traveller that you are, you ought to hunt out local options too. The broke couple discovered roadside tea-stalls in Kerala and Tamil Nadu offering slices of soft homey sponge cakes made with Dalda and kept in glass jars (a cake by any other name is also cake), and in the Main Bazaar in Pushkar, a jugaadu gentleman ran a unique mobile cake shop on a cart called `New Chandra Bakery'. It offered a range of delicacies, the most original of which was the coffee-chikoo cake.

C (Intrusive) Caste Questions

Random people will ask you your caste. In trains, buses, queues outside historic monuments. They will ask it good-naturedly , eyebrows slightly raised, faces bobbing expectantly inches away from you. Feel free to make up answers. They will also volunteer their caste, even if you have not asked.

D Dawn in Junagadh,

Dusk in Jodhpur The preferred times to reach these places.Well, in the first case, it's not so much your preference as your lot, if you take the overnight train from Ahmedabad. But dawn, cutting cleanly through the Saurashtra night, with its rumours of ghosts, ghouls and the spirits of all kinds of babas (Hindu, Sufi, Buddhist, Jain), will give you the truth about the place in a heartbeat. After all, the pilgrims who pledge to climb all 9,999 steps up and around Mount Girnar to reach Lord Dattatreya's temple start at dawn. And as for the old city in Jodhpur, make sure you reach at dusk. Whizz around the little narrow lanes in an auto, looking high and low for your hotel until the late blue hum descends and you feel the place has you captivated forever.

E Eccentric bookshops

Yes, you are on a budget and cannot afford to pig out at the bakeries. So here's a trick. Get a second-hand book instead, and extend the pleasure. Cheaper than cake, a book keeps you occupied on those long bus journeys in seats designed for midgets, and you can exchange the books at the next port of call. Also, the nifty thing about these bookstores is that you get books from all over the world that tourists leave behind. For instance, you could find a South African book called Rumours of Rain in Paharganj, an American book called Sophie's Bakery for the Brokenhearted in Alleppey , or a very French very chic book called The Elegance of The Hedgehog in Khajuraho. You just have to dive into the musty piles, unafraid of dust.

F Firang aka Gora aka Angrez

Plentiful sighting in certain locations.Recognized by: pronounced camera, harem pants, beaded bags, unkempt hair, flannel shawls. Often bears aloft, like the Olympian torch, a copy of the fat Lonely Planet India in native tongue. Regularly spotted hunched over a handmade paper notebook in a German Bakery (see B.), taking copious notes while sipping GLHT (see G.).

G Ganja? Apparently not. GLHT is the new weed

If it were the nineties or even early 2000s, you'd have said Ganja, of course, Ganja, I mean, hello! But now, people are deeply boring (the word bandied about is clean) and it's actually GLHT that rules the roost. The ubiquitous backpacker's tonic, available everywhere: ginger lemon honey tea.

(Strong competition is offered to its undisputed status by the horrible-sounding but actually rather nice drink: banana lassi.)

H His Holiness and Himachal

The shadow of the Dalai Lama looms out of the utterly charming Dharamsala to make Himachal Pradesh, hands down, the politest state in India. You are actually likely to find old people climb a frigging hill with you just to show you the right way to your homestay , or since you seem ready to collapse under your backpack any moment, young people will spring up from their seats in local buses to let you sit.

I `Is This Supposed To Be Fun?'

A line you will find yourself throwing at your co-traveller often.

(Other alternatives include: `Is This How You Are Going to Try to Boss Me For the Rest of The Trip?', `Is That Thing Dead?' and `Is this where I get to look for a loo?')

J Jackfruit Jaisalmer

If you find yourself on a bus to Jais almer with a sack of jackfruit ­ as we did ­ well, then, you may need to remember your Scouts motto: Be Prepared. You may also need to know the common superstition associated with jackfruit and travel in India. Apparently its fecund musk attracts naughty spirits. (The Heat and Dust Project has a critical section on the Jaisalmer jackfruit conundrum. Also, do note, Jaisalmer is king. Jaisalmer is most magical.If you have not seen Jaisalmer, you have not been born..etc.)

K Kerala vs Kolkata is a tough match to predict.

Could go either way

And no, we are not talking about football ­ though, that'd work too ­ but food. Delicious, cheap, and really generous proportions. The added bonus of Kerala, in addition to the backwaters and the Coffee Houses, is that you can also catch up on your reading (see E), because you will have to stay indoors several days due to unforeseen bandhs.

L Lovers

On the road you will hear of people from diverse backgrounds who found love through odd encounters -you will hear how Yfrom Israel met and later moved in with Jfrom Germany , how Myour average Non Resident Indian, met Ayour average Non Resident Pakistani while on a returnto-roots bus yatra from Amritsar to Lahore (or the opposite), and how Vivi of Buenos Aires fell madly in love with Vicky of Begusarai, her Spanish tourist guide, and how they run a homestay with their two children in Orchha. Lovers of all sorts have been welcomed in Bharat, in spite of the garden-variety staring, nudging, tsk tsk-ing. The original hall-of-fame broke couple who travelled budget across the sub-continent were Allen Ginsberg and Peter Orlovsky , who did India literally off the Beaten track.

M Medimix

You will obtain the final piece of evidence that India is indeed one country . From Kashmir to Kanyakumari, budget hotels and shady hovels all place two tiny bars of Medimix soap reverentially in their dirty bathrooms. The scent will cling to your brain for the rest of your life.

N No Marigolds, No Mangoes?

You will try to steer clear of clichés with great post-colonial deliberation. You will, of course, fail. India is present in each of its clichés as emphatically as it is present in the exact opposite of said clichés. Both equally valid and equally false. Alternately , N is for Not Neti Neti. (Or something like that. You are going to try to be all mystical and philosophery once in a while at least.)

O Oh My God Moments

1. Brihadeshwara Temple in Thanjavur on a hot summer noon.

2. Kolhapuri mutton cooked two ways in the course of the same meal: tambada rassaa style and pandhara rassaa style.

3. Starched clean sheets and pillowcases.

P (to) Pee or Not to Pee

You will invariably find yourself in a bus, which is purring and groaning in the bus station, about to leave any minute now for more than an hour. More people get in. You will want to go down and hunt for a filthy loo ­ but then you will fear the bus will take off ­ and because your bags are tied up all securely on the baggage rack on top of the bus, you are afraid you will lose all your worldly possessions. Given Murphy's Laws at work, there has been no resolving of this dilemma.

Q Questions

Should you travel light?
Yes. Very. You can buy everything everywhere. So spare your shoulders that grinding strain.

Should you carry ear plugs?
Yes. Unless you like how unbearably loud films are played in long-distance buses plying between Virajpet and Kannur (and a million other routes).

Should you wake up at dawn?
If you want to climb Girnar, see animals in a forest, or take a train. Otherwise, sleeping in and eating brunch work beautifully .At night you can hang out with your Yehudi friends (see Y) ­ talking for hours and hours about the meaning of love, life and bad internet connections, and go to bed late.

R Regrets

Never travel so perfectly that you don't have any regrets. You owe it to the future. Smug travellers who do everything in a place have ruined it for their future selves. Forget to take that coupley photo outside the Taj Mahal. Do it when you are 60. Be too poor to go on the camel safari in Jaisalmer. Go to the dunes in Barmer instead.

(Related: Don't be a smug traveller. It's the worst thing to be after bossy best friend and chummy boss.)

S Safety

Carry a hundred safety pins. They are very useful in all kinds of situations, ranging from clothing emergencies to advanced creep-repelling tactics.

T Ten-rupee notes

Can buy you several luxuries.

A samosa and bread pakora meal.

A tiny jar of Vaseline and a fuchsia scrunchie in a local shop called `New Kheteshwar Store', somewhere between Barmer and Jaisalmer, which also offers pure-ghee delights, when your vanity needs a boost.

A rickshaw ride for just your backpacks. You can sprint alongside the rickshaw.

U Ultimate Relationship Test

There can be absolutely no doubt that a budget journey across India is the Ultimate Relationship Test. While champagne in chilled flutes and the softest of duvets are greatly conducive for romance on honeymoons, squabbling over a limited budget, biting the other's hand over who gets to finish the one nutella pancake, learning to decide the next pitstop by consensus and, most importantly, learning to accept that it is regular to be too exhausted to have sex offer a glimpse of life after the honeymoon and till kingdom come. You will see the face of truth. It's glorious.

V Vodka

and orange juice in a shady bar with dim disco lights and local businessmen with their mistresses.Self-explanatory.

W Woman and the Road

Carry a can of pepper spray in your handbag and claim the road. And remember the advice my aunt gave me when I was 14: If in doubt, ever, use your heavy bag or running shoes to kick him in the balls.

X eXquisite Shopping

The bazaars are filled with silk scarves, silver chokers, ethnic furniture, tiny lacquered boxes, Kerala oils, embroidered pants, fake Louis Vuitton bags, summery shift dresses, old books and wooden shoes that you cannot buy and cannot carry .

Y Yehudis

After finishing their compulsory army service, young Israelis come to India for their gap year. They travel across the sub-continent, making their savings last as long as possible, before returning home via Thailand.

It is a rite of passage almost, and in new terrain, you will feel relieved instantly once you've spotted the young Israelis ­ good bargains shall not be hard to find thereon.

Z Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara?

A budget journey across Bharat is nothing like the film.Your husband, however much he hopes, will not find a scuba instructor like Katrina Kaif; your best friend will never whip up a delicious paella; your co-traveller's continuous spouting of poetry will only get on your nerves; and our advice to you if tomatoes are suddenly in the air: run!

Jha & Roy plan a trilogy on their travels. The first part titled The Heat and Dust Project: The Broke Couple's Guide to Bharat is out soon

Saurav Jha & Devapriya Roy

TOI19APR15