10 ways to be more persuasive
Decoding persuasive communication skills, from
the classic book `How to Win Friends and Influence People '
Life would be much easier if more people realised that as saulting
someone with your opinion is not the best way to win them over to your way of
thinking. About a century ago, Dale Carnegie recognised the demand for
communication and leadership training.He developed a curriculum based on the
lives of people like Thomas Edison and Theodore Roosevelt with psychology
research. Carnegie's famous work, `How to Win Friends and Influence People' was
published in 1936, but its insight into human nature are relevant even today.
We've summarised his tips on how to persuade the most stubborn
people.
1 Don't try `winning' an
argument
Even if you manage to tear apart someone else's argument, you
don't actually achieve anything. Carnegie cites the old saying, “A man
convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still.“ If you actually want
to persuade somebody, avoid an argument in the first place.
2 Respect other people's
opinions
Pride both yours and the person you're trying to convince of
something - is the biggest impediment to reaching an agreement. Be diplomatic
about presenting your opinion, Carnegie explains, and never say “You're wrong,“
no matter how true it may be.
3 Admit when you're wrong
“ When we are right, let's try to win people gently and tactfully
to our way of thinking. And when we are wrong -and that will be surprisingly of
ten -let's admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm,“ Carnegie writes in
his book. It will allow you and whoever has pointed out your mistake to clear
the air and move on.
4 Be friendly to the other
person
It's human nature to meet aggression with aggression. But if you
take the high road and try to persuade someone while maintaining a smile and
showing appreciation for their situation, you'll be surprised what you can
achieve.
5 Reach a common ground
first
“Begin by emphasising the things on which you agree,“ Carnegie
writes.“Keep emphasising, if possible, that you are both striving for the same
end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.“
6 Let the other person do
the talking
The average person enjoys speaking about self more than any other
topic. And if you're engaging someone who has a lot to say, they're not going
to listen to you until they've put it all out there. Listen more than you
speak.
7 Get the other person to
think your conclusion is their own
No one can be forced to truly believe something. That's why the
most persuasive people know the power of suggestions over demands. Plant a seed
and when that's blossomed, don't take credit for it.
8 Appeal to nobler motives
Carnegie says that everyone but the most stubborn among us
actually wants to do what they consider to be right. Frame your argument with
morality.
9 Be dramatic
Carnegie distinguishes showman ship from lying. If you have truth
on your side, make it as appealing to emotions as you can.
10 When nothing else
works, challenge
If you truly can't convince another person to do or believe
something, then appeal to their competitive side.
Challenge them to prove why they think they are correct
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