15 Secrets of Really Persuasive People
Persuasive people have
an uncanny ability to get you leaning toward their way of thinking. Their
secret weapon is likability.
Whether you're trying
to get the boss to fund your project or your preschooler to wipe his own hiney
after using the bathroom, persuasion is a skill that's instrumental to success
in life.
Persuasive people have
an uncanny ability to get others leaning toward their way of thinking. Their
secret weapon is likability. They get you to like more than their ideas; they
get you to like them.
Here are the 15 tricks
of the trade that exceptionally persuasive people use to their advantage.
1. They
Know Their Audience
Persuasive people know
their audience inside and out, and they use this knowledge to speak their
audience's language. Whether it's toning down your assertiveness when talking
to someone who is shy or cranking it up for the aggressive, high-energy type, everyone
is different, and catching on to these subtleties goes a long way toward
getting someone to hear your point of view.
2.
They Connect
People are much more
likely to accept what you have to say once they have a sense of what kind of
person you are. In a negotiation study, Stanford students were asked to reach
agreement in class. Without instruction of any kind, 55 percent of the students
successfully reached agreement. However, when they were instructed to introduce
themselves and share their backgrounds before attempting to reach agreement, 90
percent did so successfully.
The key here is to
avoid getting too caught up in the back and forth of the discussion. The person
you are speaking with is a person, not an opponent or a target. No matter how
compelling your argument, if you fail to connect on a personal level, he or she
will doubt everything you say.
3.
They Aren't Pushy
Persuasive people
establish their ideas assertively and confidently, without being aggressive or
pushy. Pushy people are a huge turnoff. The in-your-face approach starts the
recipient backpedaling, and before long, the person's running for the hills.
Persuasive people don't ask for much, and they don't argue vehemently for their
position, because they know that subtlety is what wins people over in the long
run. If you tend to come across as too aggressive, focus on being confident but
calm. Don't be impatient and overly persistent. Know that if your idea is
really a good one, people will catch on if you give them time. If you don't, they
won't catch on at all.
4.
They Aren't Mousy
On the other hand,
presenting your ideas as questions or as though they need approval makes them
seem flawed. If you tend to be shy, focus on presenting your ideas as
statements and interesting facts for the other party to mull over. Also, remove
qualifiers from your speech. When you are trying to be persuasive, there is no
room for "I think" or "It is possible that."
5.
They Use Positive Body Language
Becoming cognizant of
your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they're
positive) will engage people and open them up to your arguments. Using an
enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning
toward the person who's speaking are all forms of positive body language
that persuasive people use to draw others in. Positive body language will
engage your audience and convince them that what you're saying is valid. When
it comes to persuasion, how you say something can be more
important than what you say.
6.
They Are Clear and Concise
Persuasive people are
able to communicate their ideas quickly and clearly. When you have a firm grasp
on what you're talking about, it's fun and easy to explain it to those who
don't understand. A good strategy here is to know your subject so well that you
could explain it to a child. If you can explain yourself effectively to someone
who has no background on the subject, you can certainly make a persuasive case
with someone who does.
7.
They Are Genuine
Being genuine and
honest is essential to being persuasive. No one likes a fake. People gravitate
toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It's
difficult to believe someone when you don't know who the person really is and
how the person really feels.
Persuasive people know
who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By
concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you
become a much more interesting and persuasive person than if you attempt to win
people over by trying to be the person they want you to be.
8.
They Acknowledge Your Point of View
An extremely powerful
tactic of persuasion is to concede the point. Admit that your argument is not
perfect. This shows that you are open-minded and willing to make adjustments,
instead of stubbornly sticking to your cause. You want your audience to know
that you have their best interests at heart. Try using statements such as,
"I see where you are coming from" and "That makes a lot of sense."
This shows that you are actively listening to what they are saying, and you
won't just force your ideas upon them. Persuasive people allow others to be
entitled to their opinions, and they treat these opinions as valid. They do
this because it shows respect, which makes the other person more likely to
consider their point of view.
9.
They Ask Good Questions
The biggest mistake
people make when it comes to listening is failing to hear what's being said,
because they are focusing on what they're going to say next or how what the
other person is saying is going to affect them. The words come through loud and
clear, but the meaning is lost. A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of
questions. People like to know you're listening, and something as simple as a
clarification question shows not only that you are listening but also that you
care about what they're saying. You'll be surprised how much respect and
appreciation you gain just by asking questions.
10.
They Paint a Picture
Research shows that
people are far more likely to be swayed by something that has visuals that
bring it to life. Persuasive people capitalize on this by using powerful visual
imagery. When actual images aren't available or appropriate, these people tell
vivid stories that breathe life into their ideas. Good stories create images in
the minds of the recipients that are easy to relate to and hard to forget.
11.
They Leave a Strong First Impression
Research shows that
most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds
of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally
justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing
this, you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likability and
ability to persuade. First impressions are intimately tied to positive body
language. Strong posture, a firm handshake, a smile, and opening your shoulders
to the person you are talking to will help ensure that you make a good first
impression.
12.
They Know When to Step Back
Urgency is a direct
threat to persuasion, so tread lightly. When you try to force people to agree
instantly, studies show that they are actually more likely to stand by their
original opinion. Your impatience causes them to counter your arguments in
favor of their own. If your position is strong, you shouldn't be afraid to back
off and give it time to sink in. Good ideas are often difficult to process
instantly, and a bit of time can go a long way.
13.
They Greet People by Name
Your name is an
essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it.
Persuasive people make certain they use others' names every time they see them.
You shouldn't use someone's name only when you greet him or her. Research shows
that people feel validated when the person they're speaking with refers to them
by name.
If you're great with
faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make
remembering people's names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don't be
afraid to ask his or her name a second time if you forget it right after you
hear it. You'll need to keep the name handy if you're going to remember it the
next time you see the person.
14.
They Are Pleasers
Persuasive people
never win the battle only to lose the war. They know how and when to stand
their ground, and yet they are constantly making sacrifices that help their
cause. They are always giving in, giving ground, and doing things for other
people that make them happy. Persuasive people do this because they know in the
long run this wins people over. They know it's better to be successful than it
is to be "right."
15.
They Smile
People naturally (and
unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they're talking to. If
you want people to like you and believe in you, smile at them during a conversation,
and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.
Persuasive people smile a lot because they have genuine enthusiasm for their
ideas. This has a contagious effect on everyone they encounter.
Putting
It All Together
Persuasive people are
adept at reading and responding to other people. They rely heavily on emotional
intelligence (EQ) to bring people to their way of thinking. With 90 percent of
top performers rating high for emotional intelligence, it's no wonder that
persuasive people rely on it to get ahead. Add these skills to your repertoire,
and you're on your way to joining this exclusive group.
BY TRAVIS BRADBERRY
http://www.inc.com/travis-bradberry/14-secrets-of-really-persuasive-people.html?cid=em01014week15e
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