Do These 5
Emotionally Intelligent Things Within 5 Minutes Of Meeting Someone
Being
instantly likable isn’t rocket science, but this checklist takes practice to
master in the short space of a first impression.
What’s the point of networking if not to get other people to like
you? Sure, you need new contacts to see you as interesting, competent,
professional, and potentially valuable to them—but if they don’t also find
you likable, nobody will feel motivated to reach out later and work
with you.
The reason why all comes down to emotional
intelligence, the set of skills and qualities that allow people to form deeper,
closer relationships with others. Likability is a key ingredient in that,
and its career
benefits are pretty obvious. For instance, being
likable—and liking your coworkers in return—can increase
your chances of getting promoted.
But when it comes to first impressions, you don’t always have much
time to get people to like you. So here are a few straightforward things
that the most emotionally intelligent people do to cement their likability from
the get-go:
1. SHOW GENUINE ENTHUSIASM FOR MEETING
Especially in business contexts, some people’s demeanors while
making introductions are terse and serious. That might feel formal and
“appropriate,” but it’s not always the most emotionally intelligent thing to
do. Neither is laying it on thick with a forced grin and over-the-top
proclamations about how absolutely wonderful it is to meet.
Just be natural. Pretend you’re meeting a sibling’s new
significant other at a social occasion. Give your best, authentic smile. Open
up your posture so your legs are at a wide stance but you’re relaxed. Make eye
contact, offer a firm handshake. It’s that easy.
2. OFFER A COMPLIMENT
If you notice something about the person you’ve just met that
you can compliment them about, do it right away. Maybe there’s a recent
accomplishment you’re aware of that you could mention. If not, ask a
question or two that can lead to information you can later
compliment them on.
Emotionally intelligent people are great listeners right from the
moment they make acquaintances. They know that most people love to
talk about themselves and will like and appreciate anybody who’ll earnestly
listen. The problem is that most of the time—especially in the moment or two
after meeting someone—we’re too busy thinking about our own responses and
can’t wait for the next opportunity to jump in. This tendency is natural,
and it sometimes gets worse when we’re nervous.
So treat the first five minutes after meeting somebody as a silent
quiz session: Pretend you’re being tested to see how much you can find out
about the new acquaintance—that when five minutes are up, you’ll have to write
an essay about everything you’ve just learned, and the more
information you include, the higher your score.
3. ASK AT LEAST TWO OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
Conversations often die quickly or turn into monologues when they
aren’t propelled forward by good questions. When someone
starts talking about something they enjoy, use that as an opening to ask
more: “How did you get into that?” “What do you like most about it?” Since it’s
something they’re clearly dying to talk about it, don’t just ask yes/no or
simple factual questions that might cut off their chance to really dig into it.
Aim for at least two open-ended questions within the first few
minutes of striking up a chat with somebody you’ve just met. That should
be enough to get a good, in-depth conversation going. On a subconscious level,
you’ll quickly become somebody they remember liking and will want to be around.
4. FIND SOMETHING YOU SHARE
Have you ever spoken with someone and found them distracted,
glancing around the room or maybe maybe fiddling with their phone while
you were speaking? If you did, there’s a slim chance you came away really
liking them afterward. In order to make someone feel like they’re getting
your full attention, you obviously need to focus on them exclusively. But you
also have to find an interest or belief you both share.
The most emotionally intelligent people know that it’s easiest to
connect with people they’ve found something in common with. These commonalities
might not always be obvious, though; you have to look for them. For
example, there’s a really experienced runner who works out at my gym, and we
often have a chance to chat. Since I personally have zero interest in
running, there wouldn’t seem to be common ground for a meaningful conversation
beyond, “Good to see you again, how’s your week going?”
But since most people like food, I once asked him what he
eats before a major long-distance run. It gave us something in common to
talk about.
These conversational openings are really simple but not
always obvious right away just after meeting someone. Pay attention to what
makes somebody light up, become more animated, and sit up straight. These
little cues are easy to catch early on in your conversation, and they can make
for great opportunities to quickly find commonalities, passions, and ideas to
talk about in those crucial few minutes while we’re forming first impressions.
5. SAY THEIR NAME BEFORE YOU LEAVE, AND COMMIT KEY FACTS TO MEMORY
Everybody loves the sound of their own name. Say it when you first
meet someone; then sprinkle it throughout the conversation whenever you get the
chance. At a minimum, make sure to say their name when you’re about to leave:
“Really great meeting you, Shareen.” “Thanks for chatting, Kyle, let’s be in
touch.”
Finally, emotionally intelligent people reinforce the likability
they’ve banked during first impressions by remembering a few key details later
on. The names of a new acquaintance’s partner, kids, even the pets they have or
that vacation recommendation they shared—that’s all useful information to
refer back to the next time you see them. It’ll help you stand out in
their memory, and make them look forward to connecting with you again—because
for some reason or other, they find that they just like you.
BY HARVEY DEUTSCHENDORF
https://www.fastcompany.com/40441365/do-these-5-emotionally-intelligent-things-within-5-minutes-of-meeting-someone?utm_source=postup&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Fast%20Company%20Daily&position=7&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=04212018
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