12 Essential Communication Skills That Aren't
Taught in Schools at All
“I’ve never let my
schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain
We’re taught the basics of communication early in the classroom.
To be able to read, write, and speak effectively, we had to learn vocabulary,
grammar, spelling, handwriting, and pronunciation. They were, however, focused
on the rudimentary goal of imparting or exchanging information.
Communication goes much further than the academics of the
written or spoken word. The purpose of communication is to build and grow
connections with others at an emotional level. This is where classroom learning
stops short and life learning kicks in. For many people, this transition can be
rather jarring.
The earlier you master communication skills, the better for you — and those around you. Here is the cheat-sheet to the 12
essential communication skills your school missed:
Showing empathy
Theodore Roosevelt said, “People don’t care how much you know
until they know how much you care.” Empathy makes us human. We stop being a
twitter handle, a job title, or a faceless stranger when we can relate to the
emotions of someone else. You connect with others much better when you show
empathy in your communication.
How-to:
Be present with the person and feel what he feels. When someone
opens up with his problems, see it from his point of view. Suspend your own
judgment of what’s right or wrong. Listen to his emotions. Reflect back his
vulnerability by sharing yours. Ask questions to go deeper into his world. Give
encouragement. Offer to help if possible. Show the kindness and compassion you
would hope to receive from someone else when in a similar situation.
Resolving conflict
This is the bomb disposal equivalent of communication skills.
Left unchecked, conflict can leave relationships constantly tumultuous.
Avoiding conflict altogether isn’t a solution either, as you’ll often be
simmering with restrained frustration and resentment. Conflict often happens as
a result of poor communication. To resolve such conflict, you’d need better
communication skills.
How-to:
Respond, but never react. When you react
to a conflict situation, you allow emotions to lead your words and actions.
Responding to the situation means you keep emotions in check and focus on the
problem, not the person. Let the other party know your intention to work out a
mutually acceptable solution. Very often, the gesture of extending an olive
branch is more important than actually coming to a solution, as it shows the
person how much you value the relationship. Clearly and calmly communicate what
you want from the situation and listen to the other party’s views. Understand
what counts as a ‘win’ — winning the argument or winning
the other person over. The two are very different.
Asking great questions
To be a better communicator, don’t try to be the person with all
the right answers. Instead, be the one who asks all the right questions. When
you ask great questions, you show that you’re eager to engage and open to
exploring more into the topic. They encourage the other party to share more of
his opinions, stimulate discussion, and even create new ideas. He won’t forget
you in a hurry.
How-to:
Ask questions that could lead to interesting answers. To do that,
keep your questions open-ended, that is, they cannot be answered with a simple
“yes” or “no”. Let your questions come from a place of genuine curiosity.
Consider how others can benefit from the answers. When you practice good
listening skills, thoughtful questions will suggest themselves to you.
Negotiating effectively
Many people find negotiation one of the hardest communication
skills to learn. They must be nice people. This one of the few communication
skills that is mostly used to maximize self-interest. While there’s no avoiding
it in life and work, to enter into a negotiation without negotiation skills is
to go into a gunfight without a gun.
How-to:
Be assertive. Have options. Seek a win-win outcome. Recognize that
if the other party wishes to negotiate, you have something they need. Be
assertive in asking for what you want, aiming as high as you think is realistic
for them. Listen to what they are saying (and not saying). Gather clues to how
much they need what you have. Always have ready options should the negotiation
fails — the other party can always sense your confidence or desperation. Show
them how you’re looking for a win-win outcome by satisfying their basic
interests too. If the deal goes through, it’s wiser to leave a bit of money on
the table to enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship in the long run.
Proactive listening
This is the most underrated skill that can instantly make you a
better communicator. Ever notice that when someone is a good talker, there’s
something disingenuous or untrustworthy about him? But when a person is a good
listener, we see her as someone who is patient, trusted, and generous.
When a person speaks, he believes he has something of value to
share and wants to be heard. If he is not listened to, his self-esteem takes a
hit. By listening to him intently, you immediately build a bond by validating
his importance as a person or professional.
How-to:
Listen to the other party like she’s the most important person
in the world at that moment. Be fully engaged and
present with her. Block off all judgment of what she says or what that says
about her. Keep your mind from thinking of what you’re going to say. Listen to
not just her words, but also her emotions. The tone of voice, pace of speech,
and shift in energy can tell you much more about her. This makes it easier for
you to respond in the most appropriate way.
Using body language
You should know that almost 97% of all communication is
non-verbal. It’s not about what you say, but the overall experience people take
away from their encounter with you. The message you send out without even
saying a word is the impression others have of you. As humans, we are
conditioned to observe people and make snap decisions if a person is a friend,
foe, or lover.
How-to:
Work on the three basics of good body language: the smile, eye
contact, and the handshake. Smile at someone from the heart when you meet
them. Look the person in the eye when you speak to them, or when they speak to
you. Combine smiling and eye contact with a good, firm handshake. Always keep
your body relaxed and posture confident. Observe the body language of others to
gather important information. Is he engaged? Impatient? Defensive? You can
tailor your response for a the outcome you want.
Perfecting the elevator pitch
In an attention-deficit world, it is imperative to be concise
yet memorable in our communication. The elevator pitch is a very
short presentation of yourself or your proposal to someone who has no more than
30 seconds. Whether you’re presenting a business idea or at a
speed dating session, this is one communication skill that will set you apart
from the pack.
How-to:
Distill what your proposition in one sentence. It’s
not always easy, but put in the work to come up with something simple and
memorable. For example, Apple in a sentence could be “Technology that’s
beautiful and intuitive.” Lord Of The Rings is “Loyal friends help hobbit
become the unlikely hero to save Middle-Earth.” Give the person a reason to
care. Show him how your proposal can benefit him in a way nothing else
can. Then end with a clear call-to-action — this is what
you want him to do after your pitch. Remember, be confident. You have a good
proposal and you know it. When you’re confident, they will know it too.
Inspiring others with an idea
An idea is one of the most powerful and contagious elements of
any communication. Having an idea with someone can create a common bond built
on the power of shared imagination.
How-to:
Share a unique thought that can energize others, and hold it
lightly. Everyone has ideas, but the ones worth sharing are those that
are refreshing and inspiring. When you have one of these gems, don’t make the
mistake of keeping it too close to your chest. Share it with others, be open
suggestions to improve or interpret it. Asking for input to reshape the idea
together builds a trust that can go a long way.
Acknowledging others
Acknowledging someone is the act of letting the person know
something great about him or her. It is different from complimenting or
flattering. The difference lies in the intent. You’re not trying to benefit
from the gesture, but to sincerely shine a spotlight on others. They will feel
the difference.
How-to:
Look for the good in someone, and tell her how great it
is. When we compliment someone, we can be indirectly flattering
ourselves. When you say, “I really like your report”, is it about her report,
or is it about you and your approval of her report? Try saying, “Nice report,
you have some great insights” Now it’s all about her, not you. You can also
acknowledge something in a person that few people would even notice, like how
an assistant’s handouts are always perfectly stapled because she takes pride in
being meticulous. The best communication lies in its subtlety.
Confident public speaking
Public speaking is one of the biggest all-time fears people
have. Yet with its ability to influence and inspire many individuals at once,
it’s one of the most powerful forms of communication. Think of the best orators
in history — Winston Churchill, Martin Luther
King, or Steve Jobs — they communicate simply and
persuasively, making us feel better off after listening to them. Be it a work
presentation or a charity drive, you will be put in situations where you have
to speak to a group.
How-to:
Think of the one person in the audience who needs to hear your
message. As with most communication skills and strategies, focus on the
recipient of your message. Believe you have something important to share, and
someone in the crowd will benefit from it. Don’t aim to be perfect in your
delivery, aim to be passionate about your message. When you’re speaking from a
place of authenticity and vulnerability, people will listen to you and root for
you. Keep practicing.
Projecting leadership
The best leaders are masters of the craft of communication. How
do you think they become leaders? We only follow those we trust. It helps that
they are competent as well. Guess what, being a strong communicator does
wonders on both counts.
How-to:
Aim to be a leader who serves his followers. Leaders
have a separate manual for communication. This would include speaking clearly
and confidently, acting with authenticity, listening to feedback, and many
other skills. Underpinning these is a genuine intent to put his followers
first, serving their interests above his own. Communication rooted in servant
leadership not only makes a leader more empathetic, it makes followers more
loyal. This deepens their relationship beyond one that’s based on rank and
seniority.
Building authenticity and trust
While there are many best practices in communication, here is
one rule above all: be true to yourself. People will only trust you if they
feel you’re a real person who stands for something worthwhile. Without trust,
there can be no quality communication and connection.
How-to:
Keep it real. Never try to be someone you’re
not. Don’t “fake it” if you haven’t made it, work on getting better until “it”
becomes you. You’ll earn people’s respect that way. Be honest with your
shortcomings, share inspiring personal experiences, hold yourself accountable
to your words, and speak with conviction. Communicating with others will come
naturally to you.
`
http://www.lifehack.org/582780/12-essential-communication-skills-that-arent-taught-in-schools-at-all
No comments:
Post a Comment