The More We Compare, the More We Lose Ourselves
What is a sure-fire to completely
destroy your self-esteem with as little effort as possible? Compare yourself to
others. Their achievements, their appearance, whatever it is that they have
that you don’t. Completely ignore the factors circumventing their success, and
the fact that you have up until this point led a very happy life. Destroy all
of that contentment by telling yourself that you need to be more like “them.”
Who is to blame? Science? Nature? Or instant-gratification
culture?
Since our developmental stages, our brains are wired to compare
and contrast. It is a facet of our personalities; the preferences that we
gravitate to. It is only natural that our eyes wonder and consider the
possibilities of having something different. How would that something different
improve our lives? If we had made an alternate choice somewhere down the line,
where would we be now?
Many individuals who envy and strive for the fortune of others
are themselves insecure.1 That
should not be surprising, because you are not plagued with the need for
improvement when you are self-confident. Perhaps they don’t know what their
purpose in life is, so they look to others who have made it and think, “I
should be more like them.” It could stem from the way they were raised. There
was a very strong emphasis for a need for success within their family, and to
fill the impossible shoes of the fortunate achievers who came before them.
The most likely culprit, riddling the average individual with
notions of failure and FOMO; peer comparison. The knowledge that someone in
your class, from your neighborhood, or some extension of your social circle is
doing “better” than you.
Instant-gratification culture has made it nearly impossible for
the average person to comprehend that the majority of successful people in
today’s society must still make lots of sacrifices in order to achieve their
position. Most people don’t just get “lucky.”
Focusing on what someone else has achieved will not bring you
the same fortune.
It’s easy to fixate on someone else’s success, and beat yourself
up for, well, not being them. But everyone is on their own path, and have made
many choices that led to where they are. It’s time that we stop comparing
ourselves to others, and focus on personal improvement.
You need to focus on what you bring to the table, and how you
can hone it to manifest your own success.
You are the one responsible for losing yourself and having
yourself.
Realize that everyone is on their own path, and you have made
many choices to bring you to where you are.
Do you regret taking that gap year to backpack through Europe? I
really, honestly doubt it. Maybe it set you back in terms of your “career,” but
you have acquired experiences and skills that you could never have attained
anywhere else. And you’ve opted to LIVE your life, instead of filling your bank
account in hopes of living your life later. Good for you.
Don’t focus on your weaknesses.
You’re not good at everything, and you never will be. Neither is
anyone else, so just let that one go. What made one person successful might not
necessarily work for you. Do you enjoy making cold calls and manipulating
buyers into acquiring your product? No? Well then you’re not going to make your
fortune by manufacturing a product. But you have always been good at fixing
computers. Perhaps there is a Freelance I.T. career in your future. You can
always find a way to market the skills that you already possess.
Accept who you are, and don’t be a phony.
Way too many try to project themselves as someone they’re not,
because they think it will bring them success. If you’re really good at being
fake, good for you I guess. But most people can pick up on the lack of
authenticity and I’ll tell you what, they don’t respect it. If you’re trying to
pass yourself off as a guru of something you don’t really care about, but it’s
a popular subject so you think it will bring you traffic; it won’t. Be
yourself. Embrace what you love. You will attract people with similar
interests, and they will respect you for being authentic.
Let others inspire you, not deflate you.
There are always going to be those who pioneer a niche, and are
mentors for our desired success. It’s okay to want to be like them. To use
their style in influence your own. But don’t forget to include yourself in the
mix. The addition of your personality and style is what makes your product or
service unique.
Realize that no one is judging you.
And brush off anyone who is. Whether it’s a long term friend or
family member. If they are weighing you down with negativity, making you feel
as though you are not good enough, kick them to the curb. Most people are not
waiting idling by, anticipating your failure. Most people will notice what you
are doing, but they are not emotionally invested in your success.
Jennifer Beach
http://www.lifehack.org/597671/the-more-we-compare-the-more-we-lose-ourselves?ref=mail&mtype=daily_newsletter&mid=20170607_tuning_v1&uid=687414&hash=707e797f7e757e6d794c856d747b7b3a6f7b79&action=click
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