It’s Not How You Look
That Makes You Attractive, But Who You Are Inside
We all have those days when
we just don’t feel attractive. And trying to meet society’s expectations of
beauty can be even more frustrating – your clothes are from last season, your
hair doesn’t look right, you gained 10 pounds over winter. You start thinking,
“Is this why I’m still single?” Let me just stop you right there. Resist these
overwhelming feelings. Don’t allow social demands to cause you to question your
self-worth.
As it turns out, your
physical appearance is not what makes you attractive to other people. What
matters the most is who you are on the inside.
“Beauty
is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” – Kahlil Gibran
Your physical appearance is
not likely to cause attraction between you and the person you’re dating.
Contrary to what we are conditioned to believe, your emotional expressions are
what other people find attractive. When we’re dating new people, we want to
build a relationship with somebody who shares our thoughts and morals. We want
to find somebody that we can understand…
A psychology study has backed
this up. A professor of Social and Affective Neuroscience at the University of
Lubeck in Germany, Silke Anders, conducted an experiment by having volunteers
watch videos of women expressing either sadness or fear. The volunteers then
rated the videos. The results indicated a positive correlation between how well
the volunteers understood the woman’s feelings and how attractive they found
her. The findings went beyond the volunteers’ ratings. The area of their brains
responsible for the feeling of attraction were also more active when watching
the women that they could understand.[1]
Our desire to have a
relationship with somebody we can understand is built into our psychology. In
fact, the very attraction between two people is dependent on whether or not we
share a common language. Being able to understand somebody we are dating means
that we can trust them as our partner.
I
found I was more confident when I stopped trying to be someone else’s
definition of beautiful and started being my own.” –Remington Miller
All of this worrying about
how attractive we are on the outside can really bring us down, giving us
insecurities and even social anxiety. We lose our confidence when we start
worrying about how other will see us. And with our confidence goes our
happiness.
So what’s the answer? It’s in
your communication with the rest of the world. Show them that you don’t care
what you think. That’s right, stop caring and stop thinking. Thinking too much
before you do something (like going out for the night) only causes you a ton of
social anxiety. When you stop thinking, you get rid of that anxiety. If you’re
in the dating world and get rejected, don’t think about it. Let it roll right
off your shoulders; don’t feel angry and don’t feel hurt. Because you don’t
care.[2]
When you stop caring, you’ll
be more likely to be proactive in life, both in the professional and personal
realm. And you’ll start to realize something with this new attitude. It gives
you social confidence. As long as you focus on your life with confidence,
people will be attracted to you.
The psychology of attraction
says that it doesn’t matter how you look. So stop worrying about getting the
right shade of lipstick, going out with a bad hairdo, and putting on the right outfit.
None of this makes you attractive. People are attracted to you because of your
confidence, your personality, and the way you express yourself. So remember
this when you’re going out there into the dating world. You are beautiful on
the inside, let that person shine through.
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