BOOK SUMMARY 336
5 Conversations
·
Summary written by: Peter Taylor
“The quality of conversation we engage in
could not be more important in the modern age.”
- 5 Conversations, page 26
Employee engagement is now recognized as critical to
business success. 5 Conversations by Nick Crowley and Nigel
Purse addresses leadership through the power of developing meaningful
conversations, and offers powerful and practical tools to encourage employee
engagement. True engagement is highly dependent on the quality of the
relationships developed at work. Each conversation has to be authentic with the
intention of appreciation, understanding, and trust, while also showing genuine
care and compassion. The book discusses five key conversations which are
essential to achieving success
1. Establishing a trusting relationship
2. Agreeing on mutual expectations
3. Showing genuine appreciation
4. Challenging unhelpful behavior
5. Building for the future
The Golden Egg
FIVEC
"So the problem is that our brains don’t
recognize the difference between a difficult conversation and a sabre-toothed
tiger!"- 5 Conversations, page 54
Recent research has shown that various factors in a
relationship can help to build trust. When more of these factors are
present, the more likely you are to receive a positive response and build a
trusting relationship. Conversely, when these factors aren’t present, the
opposite will occur and relationships may sour. These factors are described in
the mnemonic FIVEC which are critical components of the five conversations
concept.
Familiarity: The
concept of familiarity within the workplace has often being considered
dangerous and undesirable. The modern concept is that by becoming more in tune
with your team and being prepared to divulge more of your own needs and values
with your co-workers, you can encourage mutual trust and respect to develop.
This results in a more open and healthy discussion around critical issues
at work.
Influence: Influence
can extend to social and interpersonal relationships, resource control,
technical expertise and perceived status. Influence may be perceived as either
a threat or an advantage, so it is important to be deliberate about how you use
your influence.
Value: This
one is obvious. People want to feel valued and the easiest way to do that is to
tell them, take the time to outline the contribution the employee is giving and
authentically tell them how much they are appreciated.
Empowerment: Empowerment
refers to the degree of freedom to act that the employee has within the
organizational structure. Freedom of expression generally allows engagement to
develop within the confines both individual personalities and their experience.
A new employee will most likely want some hand holding and a longer term
employee may resent micromanagement. It is important to establish boundaries
around what level of support employees want.
Clarity: Lack
of clarity about the future is often perceived as a threat. As a leader it is
important to remember that people need and value clarity around the future, and
to provide as much information as possible.
Gem #1
Showing Genuine Appreciation
"This conversation is also about showing that you
care about not just the performance of your people but also about their
emotional well being."- 5 Conversations, page 117
The traditional approach is focussed on problem solving
and questions that tend to be based around “what’s wrong or what needs to be
fixed?” The alternative approach portrayed in this book is built around the
premise that everyone in the organization has positive aspects that need to be
built upon. Switching these questions to something like, “what’s working well
and what’s good about what you are currently doing?” allows a more positive
framework to build upon. This concept is borrowed from some old research around
“appreciative enquiry” which posits the belief that concentrating on problems
tends to reduce the vision of opportunities in business.
The authors discuss the concept of appreciative enquiry
in the context of a more personal interaction or more precisely, the second
conversation, “showing genuine appreciation.” This conversation is based around
the mindset of genuine curiosity about the employee’s success. It is
recommended to have this conversation with every employee several times a year,
and it can be either planned or spontaneous. Broadly the conversation should
first understand and appreciate the individual’s contribution, and then explore
options around future opportunities, and consolidate action plans and learning
points.
The five conversations give all employees an experience
of positive feedback and appreciation, but also gives you an understanding of
everyone’s unique strengths and talents that they bring to the table. A win-win.
Potential questions include: “What’s been your biggest
success in the last few weeks and how does that make you feel? How can we play
to your strengths?”
Gem #2
Non-violent Tough Questions
"This conversation is about having the courage,
insights and resources to face up to another person's unhelpful behavior in
such a way that you achieve a positive outcome for everyone involved."- 5
Conversations, page 113
Dealing with unhelpful behaviors or having
difficult conversations are always considered some of the more challenging
aspects of leadership and management. The conversations are about respect,
primarily for your team members who have been impacted by the unhelpful
behavior, and should also be respectful of your team member showing this
unhelpful behavior. This can be achieved by showing that you genuinely want to
help them to be successful, but to do so requires some changes to their
behavior.
The structure of the conversation is based on nonviolent
or compassionate communication, which has three underlying principles;
·
Acknowledgement of your own inner feelings
about the unhelpful behavior and accepting your reaction to it.
·
Listening to your team member with the
intention of supporting them and accepting that there are real reasons for the
behavior which are not necessarily malicious.
·
Being prepared to express your own feelings
and needs.
With these underlying principles the process of
discussing unhelpful behaviors has four stages.
1. Observations. This
stage is talking about facts and observations of the non helpful
behaviors in a non-threatening, non judgemental way and inviting a
response. An example could be “John, I would like to discus the way you spoke
to Sarah in surgery yesterday?” Follow up with “what was your recollection?”
2. Feelings. This
stage is about addressing the feelings the behavior has caused in you or
others, and inviting a response. Acknowledging that these feelings are
authentic is important as people can not challenge feelings. “Sarah was hurt by
your comments, especially because there were many people present” and then
revisit with “how were you feeling at the time?”
3.Needs. Move
the discussion onto the needs you need as a leader so they can understand where
the disparities have occurred. “Sarah has a need to be treated with respect by
you and her contributions should be recognized. What needs do you have?” It is
important to invite a response from your team member about how they were
feeling and how they are feeling now.
4. Requests. Make
a clear request of your team member. “My request of you is that you don’t make
personal negative comments about colleagues during work, will you be able do
this and what needs do you have?”
I believe we have lost the true art of authentic one to
one conversations. This book will give you powerful and practical tools to
overcome this deficiency. Many people take a confrontational approach to
conversations—especially when they need to give feedback or correct behavior.
This framework will help you overcome this urge, approach conversations with an
open mind, and create trusting relationships.
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