The Epitaph
Question
Thinking about how you
would like to be remembered can be a catalyst for radical change.
It’s
said that Alfred Nobel made the decision to establish his famous prize after
his brother died in France and a French newspaper, mistakenly believing it was
him, published the epitaph: “The Merchant of Death Is Dead.”
Although
we all know about the Nobel Prize, what many may not know is that Nobel made
his fortune from the invention of dynamite. To Nobel, the epitaph was a harsh
reminder of how he would go down in history. No wonder he was horrified.
Shortly after this eye-opener, in a bid to rehabilitate his name, he changed
his will, donating most of his fortune to the Nobel Foundation. His memory now
lives on, not as a merchant of death, but as an advocate of peace and progress.
This
anecdote begs the question, how would you like to be
remembered? What would you like to be your epitaph? The reason
I pose this question is that thoughts about our legacy can influence our life’s
trajectory. Consciously or unconsciously, they impact our life’s choices.
A
tribute to life
An
epitaph (meaning literally in ancient Greek “on the grave”) is a
memorial statement, most commonly inscribed on a tombstone or read as part of a
funeral oration, to pay tribute to a deceased person, or to remember a past
event.
Walking
through a graveyard recently, I was struck by the often rather generic nature
of so many epitaphs. Some of the more typical ones were “rest in peace” “always
in our thoughts, forever in our hearts” or “a long life well lived”. Truly
memorable ones such as “Excuse my dust” (Dorothy Parker), “I told you I was
ill” (Spike Milligan), or “I knew if I stayed around long enough, something
like this would happen” (George Bernard Shaw) are few and far between.
The
epitaph question
Early
in life, reflecting about our epitaph is not something that is top of our
minds. But as we get older, thinking about the kind of obituary or epitaph we
would like to leave becomes more prominent. We begin to realise the importance
of living on in the hearts of the people we leave behind.
In
my experience, the epitaph question is a very enlightening way to obtain a
long-term perspective on an individual’s life – to zoom in on what is most
important. It pushes you to think about the kind of person you would like to
be.
By
forcing yourself to focus on the big questions, you may obtain greater clarity
about what really matters in your life.
Over
the years, as part of career exploration in the various leadership development
programmes that I run, I have asked executives what they would like to read on
their tombstones. What would they like people to remember them by? And, keeping
these thoughts in mind, what may be missing from their life?
Not
surprisingly, when thinking about their own epitaph, many executives struggled
to find a response. But after some hesitation, some of the more recurring
answers I received have included the following:
·
I’d like to be remembered as a wonderful parent, a thoughtful spouse, a caring
sibling or friend.
·
I’d like people to say that I made a positive difference in their lives – that
I was their source of inspiration.
·
I’d like to be remembered for standing up for those unable to do so for
themselves.
·
I’d like to be remembered for my sense of humour, my ability to make others
laugh and make them feel good.
·
I’d like to be remembered as someone that lived life by my own rules, not
afraid to take risks – a person able to follow my own path.
·
I’d like to be remembered as a person who always stuck to my values – being
always true to myself – never being a fake.
·
I’d like to be remembered as someone who always made the extra effort in
everything I did – who tried my best.
·
I’d like to be seen as someone whose leadership qualities and successes were
driven by compassion, affection and ambition for others.
·
I’d like to be remembered as someone creative and imaginative – who advanced
the knowledge in my field.
What’s
clear from these comments is that we’re not going to be remembered for how much
money we earned, our jewellery, the size of our homes, or the type of car we
drove. Our enduring legacy is what we do for others. To quote
Albert Einstein: “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”
Executives will do well to keep this observation in mind.
A
catalyst for radical change
To
have a fitting epitaph, you need to be the best version of yourself. This means
making a difference in other people’s lives. How you want to be remembered is
how you ought to live your life. Reflecting now on the kind of epitaph you
would like to leave (as was the case with Alfred Nobel), may propel you to make
radical changes in your life.
Your time is
limited, so don’t live a meaningless life. Live a life worth remembering.
Manfred
Kets de Vries, INSEAD Distinguished Clinical Professor of
Leadership Development & Organisational Change |
Read more at http://knowledge.insead.edu/blog/insead-blog/the-epitaph-question-4898?utm_source=INSEAD+Knowledge&utm_campaign=ffa10be0d7-8_Sept_mailer9_8_2016&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_e079141ebb-ffa10be0d7-249840429#jUh4KUZqdGbkoxyl.99
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