8 Secrets of Great Communicators
Great communication skills are a powerful tool to have in your
arsenal. Here are eight proven strategies that will improve yours today.
When it comes to communication, we all tend
to think we're pretty good at it. Truth is, even those of us who are good
communicators aren't nearly as good as we think we are. This overestimation of
our ability to communicate is magnified when interacting with people we know
well.
Researchers at the University of Chicago
Booth School of Business put this theory to the test and what they discovered
is startling. In the study, the researchers paired subjects with people they
knew well and then again with people they'd never met. The researchers
discovered that people who knew each other well understood each other no better
than people who'd just met! Even worse, participants frequently overestimated
their ability to communicate, and this was more pronounced with people they
knew well.
"Our
problem in communicating with friends is that we have an illusion of
insight," said study co-author Nicholas Epley. "Getting close to
someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual
understanding."
When communicating with people we know well,
we make presumptions about what they understand--presumptions that we don't
dare make with strangers. This tendency to overestimate how well we communicate
(and how well we're understood) is so prevalent that psychologists even have a
name for it: closeness-communication bias.
"The understanding, 'What I know is
different from what you know' is essential for effective communication,"
said study lead Kenneth Savitsky, "but that insight can be elusive. Some
[people] may indeed be on the same wavelength, but maybe not as much as they
think. You get rushed and preoccupied, and you stop taking the perspective of
the other person."
Communication is the real work of leadership;
you simply can't become a great leader until you are a great communicator.
Great communicators inspire people. They create a connection that is
real, emotional, and personal. And great communicators forge this connection through an
understanding of people and an ability to speak directly to their needs in a
manner that they are ready to hear.
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that
it has taken place." -George Bernard Shaw
The eight strategies that follow will help
you to overcome the communication bias that tends to hold us back with everyone
we encounter, especially those we know well. Apply these strategies and watch
your communication skills reach new heights.
1. Speak to groups as individuals.
As a leader, you often have to speak to
groups of people. Whether a small team meeting or a company-wide gathering, you
need to develop a level of intimacy in your approach that makes each individual
in the room feel as if you're speaking directly to him or her. The trick is to
eliminate the distraction of the crowd so that you can deliver your message
just as you would if you were talking to a single person. You want to be
emotionally genuine and exude the same feelings, energy, and attention you
would one-on-one (as opposed to the anxiety that comes with being in front of
people). The ability to pull this off is the hallmark of great leadership
communication.
2. Talk so people will listen.
Great communicators read their audience
(groups and individuals) carefully to ensure they aren't wasting their breath
on a message that people aren't ready to hear. Talking so people will listen
means you adjust your message on the fly to stay with your audience (what
they're ready to hear and how they're ready to hear it). Droning on to ensure
you've said what you wanted to say does not have the same effect on people as
engaging them in a meaningful dialogue in which there is an exchange of ideas.
Resist the urge to drive your point home at all costs. When your talking leads
to people asking good questions, you know you're on the right track.
3. Listen so people will talk.
One of the most disastrous temptations for a
leader is to treat communication as a one-way street. When you communicate, you
must give people ample opportunity to speak their minds. If you find that
you're often having the last word in conversations, then this is likely
something you need to work on.
Listening isn't just about hearing words;
it's also about listening to the tone, speed, and volume of the voice. What is
being said? Anything not being said? What hidden messages below the surface
exist? When someone is talking to you, stop everything else and listen fully
until the other person has finished speaking. When you are on a phone call,
don't type an email. When you're meeting with someone, close the door and sit
near the person so you can focus and listen. Simple behaviors like these will
help you stay in the present moment, pick up on the cues the other person
sends, and make it clear that you will really hear what he or she is saying.
4. Connect emotionally.
Maya Angelou
said it best: "People will forget what you said and did, but they will
never forget how you made them feel." As a leader, your communication is
impotent if people don't connect with it on an emotional level. This is hard
for many leaders to pull off because they feel they need to project a certain
persona. Let that go. To connect with your people emotionally, you need to be
transparent. Be human. Show them what drives you, what you care about, what
makes you get out of bed in the morning. Express these feelings openly, and
you'll forge an emotional connection with your people. It helps tremendously if
you're emotionally intelligent. Not sure if you are? You can always take
an emotional intelligence test and find out.
5. Read body language.
Your authority makes it hard for people to
say what's really on their minds. No matter how good a relationship you have
with your subordinates, you are kidding yourself if you think they are as open
with you as they are with their peers. So, you must become adept at
understanding unspoken messages. The greatest wealth of information lies in
people's body language. The body communicates nonstop and is an abundant source
of information, so purposefully watch body language during meetings and casual
conversation. Once you tune into body language, the messages will become loud
and clear. Pay as much attention to what isn't said as what is said, and you'll
uncover facts and opinions that people are unwilling to express directly.
6. Prepare your intent.
A little preparation goes a long way toward
saying what you wanted to say and having a conversation achieve its intended
impact. Don't prepare a speech; develop an understanding of what the focus of a
conversation needs to be (in order for people to hear the message) and how you
will accomplish this. Your communication will be more persuasive and on point
when you prepare your intent ahead of time.
7. Skip the jargon.
The business world is filled with jargon and
metaphors that are harmless when people can relate to them. Problem is, most
leaders overuse jargon and alienate their subordinates and customers with their
"business speak." Use it sparingly if you want to connect with your
people. Otherwise, you'll come across as insincere.
8. Practice active listening.
Active listening is a simple technique that
ensures people feel heard, an essential component of good communication.
To practice active listening:
·
Spend more time listening than you do
talking.
·
Do not answer questions with questions.
·
Avoid finishing other people's sentences.
·
Focus more on the other person than you do on
yourself.
·
Focus on what people are saying right now,
not on what their interests are.
·
Reframe what the other person has said to
make sure you understand him or her correctly ("So you're telling me that
this budget needs further consideration, right?")
·
Think about what you're going to say after
someone has finished speaking, not while he or she is speaking.
·
Ask plenty of questions.
·
Never interrupt.
·
Don't take notes.
Bringing It All Together
As you work to employ these strategies, try
to avoid biting off more than you can chew. Working on one to three strategies
at a time is sufficient. If you try to take on more than you can handle, you're
not going to see as much progress as you would if you narrowed your focus. Once
you become effective in one particular strategy, you can take on another one in
its place. Communication is a dynamic element of leadership that is intertwined
in most of what you do each day. You'll have ample opportunity to improve your
abilities in this critical skill.
BY TRAVIS
BRADBERRY
http://www.inc.com/travis-bradberry/8-secrets-of-great-communicators.html?cid=em01016week37a
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