How To Make Your Stress Work In Your
Favor
Change the way you think about
your fight-or-flight reaction, and make it work for you.
Sometimes, stress can seem like a
full-time job. Many of us try to avoid it or, failing that, manage or mitigate
it. But Kelly McGonigal, a lecturer at Stanford University and author of The
Upside of Stress, makes the case for embracing the stress in your life.
"We have this story about
stress that says when stress is present, there’s something wrong with me or
something wrong with my life," she says. But the reality is that there’s
no stress-free version of your life available to you—it’s always going to be
there.
Often, the reason we have stress
in our lives is because we’re leading rich lives and something we care about is
at stake, she says. Constantly avoiding or reducing stress could mean not
striving for certain goals or taking risks that could lead to great rewards,
such as a new job or relationship.
Instead, McGonigal advocates
changing our attitudes about stress and embracing it. That’s easier said than
done, but following several steps can help.
Accept That Some Stress
Will Always Be There
Noticing and accepting that
stress is a part of what it means to be human and to have a meaningful life is
the first step in turning around negative attitudes toward it. "Sometimes,
when you’re feeling stressed out, you literally have to say to yourself, ‘I’m
stressed out right now because I care about my job,' or, ‘This is stressful
because I’m a parent and parenting is stressful,’" McGonigal says.
Look For The Message
Stress is often a reaction that’s
trying to tell you something, says Alicia H. Clark, PsyD, a licensed clinical
psychologist in Washington, D.C.: "Look for the part of the stress or
anxiety response tricking you into thinking you can’t handle it. That part is
the part that drives you to avoid doing what you need to do."
When you start looking at why you’re
stressed, McGonigal says, you either find meaning or have an opportunity to
dissolve it. If your stress level is rising because you’re in the 10-item
checkout line and the person in front of you has 15 items, ask yourself why
that matters. If you can realize that it doesn’t matter, it makes it easier to
let go of stressors that aren’t important. But when the answer is something you
care about—such as when you’re anxious about your health or job—the realization
allows you to connect with that value and put the stress in perspective, she
says.
McGonigal explains that when you
can identify that stress is connected to something you value, it changes the
way your body responds to it. How you respond to stress can not only have an
impact on your health, including your immune system, but it’s also more likely
to motivate you to engage with the stress in a way that is productive,
McGonigal says.
Let Yourself Feel The
Stress
The people who do best in
stressful situations aren’t the ones who seem deliriously happy all the time.
In fact, quite the opposite—being able to see the darker side of stress and
what you need to learn from the stressor is essential to making it work for
you, McGonigal says. That may mean feeling anger, recognizing injustice, or
admitting mistakes. Those actions are all necessary for using the stressful
situation or state as "a catalyst for deepening relationships with
colleagues or family members, for strengthening their priorities," she
says.
When
you realize the stressor is there and it’s real, you have options in how you’re
going to deal with it, says Paul Coleman, PsyD, a Wappingers Falls, New York,
psychologist and author of Finding Peace When Your Heart’s in Pieces. He
calls these options the "four F's":
- Fight: Anger or blame are
typically the drivers here.
- Flee: This is where we shut
down or pretend the stress isn’t there.
- Fold: In this option, we
surrender or become helpless.
- Face: This option has us facing
our fears and dealing with the stressor head on.
The
key is to find the best way to deal with the stress at the time versus falling
into patterns and coping mechanisms in a knee-jerk way, he says.
Dealing
with stress is difficult, and those who are better at it have a safe place to
be open about what’s bothering them, McGonigal says. Confiding in a trusted
family member, friend, or colleague acts as a pressure valve, and you’ll often
feel better after you’ve talked out the situation.
While
dealing with unrelenting negative stress can sap our energy and have a negative
effect on performance, optimal performance is usually achieved with a moderate
amount of stress, Clark says. Put your anxiety to work by listening to what’s
causing it, paying particular attention to those factors, and using your
heightened state of awareness to do a better job, she says.
By Gwen
Moran
http://www.fastcompany.com/3049879/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/how-to-make-your-stress-work-in-your-favor?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fast-company-daily-newsletter&position=6&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=08182015
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