6 Things no one tells you about long-distance relationships
The story never gets old -a girl meets a boy, they fall head over
heels in love to realise later on one is bound to leave somewhere far. My story
, however, comes with a little twist. While I desperately wished to quit my
job, pack my bags, I couldn't. Saying goodbye forever at that point would have
torn my heart apart as well. So, I opted for the kind of relationships I never
believed could work -long-distance relationship (LDR). Fast-forward to two
years, we are still together. We are still in love and I now have two homes in
two different countries, where I spend equal amount of time.There's one most
important thing I need to tell you upfront -LDRs suck. You may eventually
discover some positive aspects, but on your `bad days' you will curse each mile
separating you. Yet, if you ask me, “Is it actually worth to get into a LDR?“
Absolutely. Every. Single.(Pun intended). Minute. If you found yourself at the
point when you need to decide whether love on the distance is possible for you,
here are some crucial things I have learned the hard way .
I have always thought of myself as a big girl who doesn't cry .
The first month of LDR turned me into a total weepie. It's not that we weren't
doing good. It's just due to complete novelty of the situation. I have
experienced a variety of feelings from deep, depressive sadness to anger, joy ,
anxiety, enthusiasm and everything in between. If you think it gets better with
time, sorry , it doesn't. You will still have `good days' when you do your
daily chores, feel excited about something and have fun times with friends.
There would also be bad days.Terribly wrong days full of self-pity ,
heart-wrenching loneliness and drilling pain. When you are together, your joy
and happiness can't be tamed. When you are apart, your sadness grows to the
size of the universe.
2 YOU WILL BECOME
REALLY CREATIVE IN FILLING UP YOUR TIME
To avoid the sadness consuming me, I got creative and kept my
brains occupied most of the day . I took language classes, learnt to cook new
dishes, started biking regularly into the countryside, worked long hours,
started a blog, revived some long-forgotten friendships, de-cluttered my flat,
gave away my clothes and did some charity projects. My partner started playing
the guitar, learned to skate, became a pro-chess player, continued to study
another language and make new friends and useful professional connections in
his new home country .
Now you get the point, you will have a lot of `waiting' time you
will need to productively waste, unless you don't want to be a sad girl all the
time.
3 YOU WILL HAVE A LOT
OF MAKE TOUGH CHOICES TO
Let's start with some relatively simple questions both of you will
need to answer honestly: `Where is this all heading?' and `What's next?', `How
do you see our future together?' and `How can we close the distance?' Add to
the above developing the ultimate visiting schedule, shared expenses and
financial planning, plus questions from all sort of random folks asking when why
don't you get married or dump him.
4 YOUR FRIENDS MAY NOT
BE AS SUPPORTIVE AS YOU THINK
If they are not in LDR as well, they won't understand all your
woes and complaints 75% of the time. They will sound as sympathetic and
compassionate as they can, but deep down inside, you will know they don't
understand your feelings. Some would be much worse, asking seemingly hilarious
questions like: `Does your boyfriend even exist?', `How do you cope with the
physical aspect of being in relationships?' and `Maybe you should date someone
else?' Right.
5 IN TIME, YOU DEVELOP
AN ODD FEELING OF SURENESS
Your relationships are definitely not just about sex. You are rather
friends without benefits when you are not together. If that's not true love,
why would each of you bother to sustain this whole thing? You are very honest
with your partner and can share anything in person or online -fears, dreams,
hopes, pain and insecurities. Suddenly, `jealousy' becomes an empty word for
you as you grow a thousand per cent sure in your partner.
6 YOU WILL MAKE IT
TILL THE END
I have never believed long-distance relationships work. I was
proved wrong. You will make it through. You can be a happy couple even if you
don't share the same zip code. If you are meant to be together, you will
survive everything and make it through all the future `couple struggles' and
difficulties of life.
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Elena Prokopets, HuffingtonPost In
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BT13SEP15
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