5 Easy Ways You Can Change The Way You
Look At Your Life
The word “can’t” is probably the
only four letter word I never heard in my 24 years as an FBI agent. I learned
early in my career that negativity would impair my ability to analyze a tough
case that looked impossible to crack.
Once you allow a negative thought
to take root, it can change the way you look at your life. Everything from
business to relationships can become affected by your negativity if you allow
it to raise its ugly head.
It might not be a lack of talent
that holds you back in your business. It might not be a lack of personality
that holds you back in your relationships. Instead, it might be the way you
look at your life and relationships that prevents you from moving ahead.
Witnesses are always important in
FBI investigations because they observe first-hand the sequence of events. In
the same way, you need to witness your thoughts and observe them so you are in
a better position to identify and eliminate their negative influence.
Here are 5 easy ways you can change
the way you look at your life:
1. Avoid Use Words Like
“Always” and “Never”
Absolutes like always and never are rarely correct. If you use these words when
confronted with an obstacle or barrier, you activate the limbic brain system.
This produces emotions like fear and anger.
“My children never
listen to me.”
“I never get recognized
for my hard work.”
“Everyone always takes
advantage of me.”
“I always end up on the
short end of the deal.”
How To Make It Work For You:
Think about how many times you use
an absolute to describe a negative event. Have a trusted friend repeat how many
times they heard you use absolutes like always and never in
a conversation. Whenever you catch yourself thinking in terms of absolutes,
stop and find a different way to express your disappointment.
2. Pay Attention To Your
Self-Talk
Studies have shown that our mental chatter is 70% negative. Deep
down, we are more self-critical, pessimistic, and fearful than we convey in our
conscious thoughts. We are wired for survival, and our aversion to pain can
distort our judgement and the way we look at our life.
The brain’s negativity bias
produces a greater sensitivity to unpleasant news. The bias is so automatic
that it can be detected at the earliest stages when the brain processes
information.
How To Make It Work For You:
Question your negative feelings;
don’t act on them without thinking them through. For example, when you feel
guilty about something, be skeptical. Is the guilt trying to teach you
something rational and helpful about your behavior? Or, is it an irrational response
to a situation?
3. Change Your Memory Of
A Negative Event
Once you draw a conclusion about
yourself and your abilities, all you will notice is information that reinforces
your beliefs. This is called a confirmation bias, and your brain will discount
new or different information that contradicts the way you look at your life.
For example, if you believe you’re
a failure, that’s all you’ll remember about a specific incident or event — how you failed. The way you look at your life will
become your reality. If you’ve drawn inaccurate conclusions about your talents
and skills, you create self-limiting beliefs about what you can achieve in
life.
Research shows that new memories remain unstable for a short period of time
after the event. During the unstable period, memories are being coded and
consolidated into your consciousness.
We can erase our fear if we can
alter our memory of it, and the best time to do that is during the unstable
period which usually lasts a couple of hours. If we can interrupt the coding
and consolidating, we can change our memory about an unpleasant event.
How To Make It Work For You:
If you experience a terrifying
event or situation, the best thing you can do is replace that memory with a
better one — right away. Take the opportunity to update and transform your memory. It is
important, however, that you make sure your environment is safe before trying
to extinguish your fear-conditioned memory.
4. Keep It Positive
Optimism is a soft and fluffy term
that is seldom taken seriously by leaders, entrepreneurs, and business owners.
Much like the term happiness, it conjures images of toothy smiles and a
Pollyanna attitude about life.
Positive thinking, however, has
deep roots in serious research. Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology researcher, discusses how positive thinking
can change the way you think about your life.
According to Fredrickson, a healthy
balance of positive and negative emotions is essential to overall health.
People should cultivate positive thinking in themselves and those around them
because it not only nurtures psychological growth, it also fuels resiliency.
Resilient people have energetic approaches to life, are curious and open to new
experiences, and are positive thinkers.
How To Make It Work For You:
As an adult, we need to give
ourselves permission to play, and yes — smile! Play produces a
sense of adventure, and that leads to to contentment and joy as we build new
skills. The upward spiral leads
to new success, which leads to more positive thinking, and on it goes….
5. Stop Seeing Yourself
As A Victim
Victimhood has become an American
epidemic. If something goes wrong, we claim victimhood and blame someone else
for our situation. We don’t like what someone says, or the way they look at us,
we scream “micro-aggression” and seek a safe place where we
know we’ll be coddled until our little tantrum ends. In the real world, not
everyone is a winner and nothing is free.
We are mentally tough when we acknowledge and accept responsibility for
our life. We cannot dodge responsibility for it. The worst thing we can do is
take on the role of victim, make excuses, or blame others. This is a lie we
tell ourselves, and it prevents us from reaching success.
How To Make It Work For You:
It’s your choice if you let the
actions of other people affect you in a negative way. If you always take things
personally, you make yourself a victim of what others think and do. All this
does is to give people power over you, and quite frankly, it’s self-absorbed to
live this way. Do you really believe that everything is always about you?
LaRae Quy
https://medium.com/@LaRaeQuy_97216/5-easy-ways-you-can-change-the-way-you-look-at-your-life-515fbc0b1bb5
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