The Most Important
Aspect of Emotional Intelligence That No One Talks About
Emotional intelligence is a known predictor of
success and happiness, but what we know and what we do sometimes don't align.
I recently facilitated one of my monthly CEO Roundtable groups, and a
member raised the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EI). My members all run
multimillion-dollar businesses, and have high emotional intelligence. (By the
way, "Emotional Quotient"
and "Emotional Intelligence" are different. EQ measures capacity; EI indicates application of EQ.)
EI was coined
by two researchers--Peter Salavoy and John Mayer--and then popularized by Dan
Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence. They define EI as
the ability to:
·
Recognize, understand, and manage our own
emotions, and
·
Recognize, understand, and influence the
emotions of others.
People with high EI know that emotions can
drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and they know
how to manage those emotions (their own and others'), especially when they are
under pressure.
Emotional
intelligence is essential in success because people do business with those
they trust.
There are five components of emotional
intelligence that allow people to recognize, connect with, and learn from their
own and other people's mental states:
·
Self-awareness: Knowledge
of our own emotional state and how we are showing up in the world.
·
Self-regulation: The
ability to control how we are showing up, and to keep our emotions in check
when situations call for control.
·
Motivation (defined
as "a passion for work that goes beyond money and status"):What moves us to do our best?
·
Empathy for others: Feeling for others when they are experiencing emotions (positive or
negative) as a result of their own life experiences.
·
Social skills: Proficiency
in managing relationships and building networks with communication.
It's great
to know about Emotional Intelligence, but as we have all
learned, execution is everything.
Through my work, I have the privilege of
helping CEOs with high emotional intelligence identify and face the challenges
that are holding them back from reaching their greatest personal and
organizational potential.
The fact that
they reach out for help to move to
their next level of growth is a telltale sign of their
emotional intelligence.
However, in virtually all of my engagements,
we invariably come to a crossroads, where my clients must commit to applying
what they've learned to move through a painful transition to get them to the
other side of the obstacle.
Knowing what
to do is not the same thing as doing it.
Every day, leaders must make difficult
decisions. They have to determine who to hire, who to fire, who to promote, how
to lead through difficulty, where to invest their funds, how to keep employees
engaged, how to lead compassionately when employees have personal struggles,
how to balance empowerment with accountability, where to invest their
networking time, how to keep customers happy, what vendors to trust, and many
other decisions.
Creating the
internal emotional strength to execute these decisions is the single most
important aspect of emotional intelligence.
Six Strategies to Increase Your Capacity for
Applying Your Emotional Intelligence
Here are six actions you can take to boost
your likelihood for applying your emotional intelligence in difficult
situations:
Keep a journal.
Create a list
of situations or events that "trigger" negative emotions, such as
anger or frustration. Write out a strategy to deal with these situations in a
positive and effective manner. Review them often so you're prepared to put them
into practice.
Practice being calm.
The next time
you're in a challenging situation, be mindful of your response. Do you relieve
your stress by shouting at someone else? Do you clench your teeth? Does your
heart rate accelerate? Counting to 10, or closing your eyes and taking a deep
breath, will help you control your emotions so that your emotions don't control
you. Remind yourself that a negative reaction to a stressful situation will
likely make the situation worse, and will affect your relationships with others
long after the situation has passed.
Be positive.
Emotionally
intelligent leaders lead from a place of optimism. They find the silver lining
in the storm and view challenges as learning opportunities. As leaders, they
are aware that their reactions will set the tone for how others respond to
difficulty.
Put yourself in someone else's
position.
Strengthen
your empathy muscle. It's always easy to support your own point of view.
Emotionally intelligent leaders always consider how decisions and situations
impact others. Empathy tells others that you care about their well-being and
success, and that they are not alone in their difficulty. They also communicate
their support.
Pay attention to body language. When you listen to someone, do you cross your arms or look around?
This tells others how you really feel about a situation, even if you are
speaking a different message. Learning to read body language can be a real
asset in a leadership role, because you'll be better able to determine how someone
truly feels. This gives you the opportunity to respond appropriately.
Practice gratitude.
As a leader,
you can inspire the loyalty of your team simply by showing appreciation. It
tells people you are paying attention, and that you acknowledge that others are
essential to your success.
Emotional intelligence is one
of the most valuable resources you have as a leader. It enables you to deeply connect with your most important business
stakeholders, which inspires loyalty in all business conditions. It also
cultivates a culture of trust, so that others feel safe and empowered to give
100 percent to you and the organization.
By Marissa Levin
http://www.inc.com/marissa-levin/the-most-important-aspect-of-emotional-intelligence-you-may-be-overlooking.html
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