11 Ways
Emotionally Intelligent People Communicate Better Than the Rest of Us
Emotions. They’re
complicated.
On one hand, they’re a natural and vital part of our lives. They
motivate us, regulate us, empower us. But they can also limit us greatly—if
we don’t
understand the effect they have on us and others.
So how do we improve
our emotional intelligence, that ability to understand
emotions, and then use that knowledge to guide our thinking and behavior?
Take a look at the following 11 behaviors, and see how many you can
incorporate into your life.
1. Use Small Talk—Strategically
Imagine you receive regular messages from a colleague that always
read something like this:
Hi, I need [random favor here]. Any way you can help me with that?
Nothing wrong with that message—under the right circumstances. But if
all you ever receive from this person is requests for help, you naturally begin
to resent their messages, and may even stop replying.
In contrast, the emotionally intelligent realize that they’re dealing
with a real person on the other side. They take a moment to ask how things are
going, or to make brief conversation. They realize they’re not the only person
making requests, so they periodically ask if they can somehow make the process
smoother.
By showing (appropriate) personal interest in others, you foster
healthier relationships.
2. Say Thank You
No-brainer, right?
Unfortunately, neglecting these two simple words has become commonplace
today.
So take the few extra moments to say the words. Look the person in the eye. If that’s not possible, write an email. Even better, send a small card, or even a small gift (if appropriate).
So take the few extra moments to say the words. Look the person in the eye. If that’s not possible, write an email. Even better, send a small card, or even a small gift (if appropriate).
Because a little appreciation goes a long way.
3. Remain Open to Other
Perspectives
Each of us has a perspective that’s influenced by thousands of factors,
including how we were raised, where we grew up, and who we count as friends.
But the way other people view us is much different than how we view
ourselves (and vice versa). By soliciting feedback from others, and
then truly listening, you’ll begin to see how different
those perceptions can be.
Of course, those opinions won’t always be easy to hear. But knowing that
ahead of time can help you to keep your emotions in check.
4. Analyze Your Weaknesses
It takes self-reflection, insight, and courage to identify
weaknesses.
But all of us have them, and we won’t get better unless we work on them.
By analyzing situations in which we’ve lost control of our emotions, we
can work on our strategy for encountering those moments the next time.
5. Praise Sincerely and
Specifically
People see right through insincere attempts at praise or flattery.
But when you’re consistent about looking for the good in others, and
then specific about what you appreciate, you motivate them. They’ll feel good
about working with you, and moved to give their best.
The
key is sincerity. If you praise half-hearted effort,
that’s what you’ll continue to get. Which is why it’s also important to...
6. Give Constructive Correction
Feedback should be balanced. Just as you look to praise positive
behavior and actions, you should also share negative feedback in the spirit of
helping others improve.
That’s not easy to do; it requires thinking
from the other person’s perspective and using tact. But if you’ve taken advantage of other opportunities to praise
sincerely and specifically, they’ll realize you’re trying to make them better.
7. Show Your Passion
If you need to convince others of an idea or decision, make sure to
convince yourself first.
That’s easy if the idea is yours, and it’s something in which you
strongly believe. But if you start to lose motivation for whatever reason, take
time to remind yourself of the “why” behind the “what.”
Because if you don’t get passionate about the idea, no
one else will.
8. Learn to Keep Anger Under
Control
Getting angry is a natural part of life. In some circumstances, it’s
very useful: It can motivate you to address an unacceptable set of
circumstances.
But losing control of your anger will almost always lead to negative
consequences.
Think of anger like fire: It can be a useful tool, or it can be
hideously destructive. You may not be able to control feeling angry,
but you can take steps to control your response to that feeling—like stepping
away from a volatile situation before you say or do something you later regret.
Learn to harness
your anger appropriately, and use it for good.
9. Apologize
Admittedly, “I’m
sorry” can be the two most difficult words to utter
in the English language.
But even the best make mistakes. When you acknowledge them and
apologize, you make a big statement about how you (or your company) view
yourself in relation to others. This actually draws people to you and builds
loyalty.
Learning to apologize can also help develop qualities like humility and
authenticity, all of which contribute towards healthy relationships.
10. Pause
Pausing—at times, even for just a few seconds—can make a major
difference in how you react. Using the pause may be as simple as stopping and
thinking before you act or speak (which is much more challenging than it
sounds).
The pause isn’t only effective when dealing with upsetting
situations. Often, we’re tempted to jump on opportunities that
look really good at the time but which we haven’t really thought
through.
The goal of “the
pause” is to reduce those “What was I
thinking?” moments.
11. Focus on Your Thoughts
It’s been said: “You can’t stop a bird from landing on your head. But
you can keep it from building a nest.”
Every action is preceded by a thought. It’s easy to give into our
emotions—but that often leads to decisions we wish we could take back.
If you’re trying to keep your emotions under control,focus on controlling your thoughts, first.
Putting it Into Practice
Our emotions are a large part of what makes life worth living.
But by constantly learning more about them, as well as how they affect
us (and others), we make sure to keep our emotions working for us and not
against us.
By Justin Bariso of Inc.
https://www.themuse.com/advice/11-ways-emotionally-intelligent-people-communicate-better-than-the-rest-of-us?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=daily_20160624_11-ways-emotionally-intelligent-people-communicate-better-than-the-rest-of-us&utm_source=blueshift&utm_content=daily_friday&bsft_eid=5650391a-268c-4575-83dc-9032d77979d8&bsft_clkid=fe503604-b02d-4d22-a2f6-5b901189bcc6&bsft_uid=d4f9562c-4347-49cb-9544-373dd1f2b1f3
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