BOOK SUMMARY 195 Leading Women
·
Summary written by: Ryan Long
"At the core of my passion is this nagging reality that
the glass ceiling, although cracking, still exists."
- Leading Women, page 141
As a
woman who has worked in the sales industry for more than 10 years, I’m no
stranger to the need for female leadership and empowerment in business. I
picked up Nancy D. O’Reilly’s Leading Women: 20 Influential Women Share
Their Secrets to Leadership, Business, and Life excited for the
opportunity to see how 20 different women can help me, and help me help other
women.
The
book is organized in three sections: Mastering Your External Environment,
Mastering Your Internal Environment, and Connecting to Support Each Other. Each
section gives us tools that we can use in the business world, but we can also
use the lessons in the lives we lead everyday as mothers, daughters, and friends.
Gentlemen, please read on for how you can gain insights from the book as well.
The Golden Egg
Recognize negative messages
"So
many myths exist regarding female capabilities. Your awareness of these
negative messages is a giant first step. Help [others] be aware also."-
Leading Women, page 148
A
popular Super
Bowl ad asked people of various ages and
genders to both demonstrate and tell us what it means to do something “like a
girl.” The ad asks when “like a girl” became an insult?
The
section written by Janet Rose Wojtalik entitled “Seven Keys to Unlocking Female
Leadership” gives the reader different ways to have conversations about female
leadership and empowerment; one of those is awareness of the negative messages
about women. Things like doing something “like a girl” or being good at
something “for a girl”. The section is geared toward talking to
daughters, but I think it’s also important to have these conversations with our
adult female peers and our male counterparts. If men never realize the subtleties
of what amounts to female alienation, women will continue to lose the battle of
equality. It’s important to look for teachable moments with young girls, each
other, and with the men around us.
I
remember the day that I became aware that a glass ceiling does exist. I was a
brand new sales rep at a medium sized company, attending my very first area
meeting. When management was introduced, there was only one female out of about
fifteen managers. I immediately wondered if I were witnessing female discrimination
for the first time in my young career. As I grew in the company (and became a
manager myself) I learned that they didn’t purposely discriminate against
women. In fact, they wanted women in leadership. But like so many other
companies, the subtleties of the unintentional “boys club” actually serve to
unwittingly turn women away; ask any seasoned businesswoman. She’ll tell you
that she’s seen it: locker room talk around the conference table, endless
sports references, jokes that warrant apologies after the punch line. Until
both men and women have an awareness, it will be more than revenues that
suffer.
Gem #1
Define your terms of power
"We
want [power] but do not know how to get it and are afraid to admit we seek it.
When we have it, we hide it. We are often afraid to use it because our society
punishes powerful women in subtle and not-so-subtle ways."- Leading Women,
page 11
In the
very first section of the book, Gloria Fendt gives what might be the most
actionable advice for me. She gives simple steps to help define your own terms
of power in interactions with others. I know that I have successfully used
several in some interactions, but I can also recall many meetings where I
failed to use them at all. They are:
·
Be intentional
·
Say the first word
·
Say the last word
When I
have successfully used these tips, I have been confident and haven’t felt that
there would be a struggle for power. Rather, there would be a frank
conversation where everyone wins. When I’ve failed to use them, it’s because I
went into the meeting or conversation lacking confidence; I felt like the
underdog. At the time I didn’t see these conversations as struggles for power,
but underlying they certainly were.
The
most actionable item for me in all my future interactions is to make sure that
I am intentional, which will increase my confidence. The role I’m in with my
company is brand new. It comes with new challenges for me and for the company,
as well as a lot of tasks and responsibilities that fill my plate to the edges.
If I’m going to reach most of my desired outcomes, I need to follow Fendt’s
advice about being intentional about my actions and my interactions. She says
“we must think proactively and intentionally about what we want to have happen,
and then frame the conversation so that it will happen”. This goes for
conversations with those above me, those I manage, but just as importantly, the
conversations I have with myself.
Gem #2
Choice
"If
a woman does not know she has a choice, she literally has no choice!"-
Leading Women, page 79
Growing
up I was taught to be independent, to speak up for myself, and that I had
options in life. This lesson was taught to me by women who hadn’t always had a
lot of options. When I read the section by M. Bridget Cook-Burch, it was very
eye opening to me. I know that I’m more confident and headstrong than many
women. I always knew that some women made what might be considered high-risk
choices or bad choices that I wouldn’t have made. But it never occurred to me
that they made those decisions because they didn’t know they had a choice.
This
section was almost painful to read. Painful because some women don’t know they
can take control, that they can indeed write their own stories. And painful
because I recognize that there have been moments in my life and career where I
didn’t feel like I had a choice. I’ve been in conversations with superiors
where I was asked a question, presented with two “options” but felt that there
was really only one “right” answer. From an actionable standpoint, it’s
important that all leaders empower people to realize they will always have
options. I’ll look for ways to empower women (and people) that I work with to
see their choices and even create new options for themselves.
I tend
to struggle with books that are specifically for women about leadership. I
don’t agree with many of the so-called differences between men and women. I
identify with what are typically both male and female characteristics and I
find myself often furiously scribbling in the margins things like “all people”
and “disagree”. While this book was mostly about women leading women, it
does throw in a few places where men should be involved as well. Whatever your
gender, I hope you pick it up.
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