The 3 Types Of "No" You
Need To Master In Your Career
Many work situations
call for a different type of response. Here's how to decipher which one to give
at which time and how to deliver it.
There’s a reason why "no" is one of first words we learn
to say. Life never fails to throw us offers and opportunities that are worth
turning down.
As we grow up, it’s no longer the
suggestion that we finish our broccoli that we're most hard-pressed to
reject—it’s the requests to do more work and the dubious job offers that we have to
find ways of declining politely. Hence the raft of advice out there for
professionals looking for graceful ways to bow out of everything from hiring processes and time-consuming
assignments to helping coworkersand "voluntary"
extracurriculars.
But while much of that advice is sound, you don't actually need a
separate strategy for every one of these situations in your career; toting
around a mental encyclopedia of "noes" to whip out for each new
occasion just isn't practical. Instead, you just have to master these three
types of "no," then choose which one to deploy depending on the
context and the strength (or weakness) of your interest.
A couple weeks ago I got a Facebook
invitation to an art exhibition whose stated
aim was to:
[consider] the many ways in which artists and artworks address
contradictions in day-to-day reality, whether in an explicitly political
register or in more subtle, even satirical, modes that acknowledge an uneasy
complicity with the dominant order.
Now, it may very well be an outstanding show, but I didn't have
any trouble deciding whether the invitation was for me: It was a "hard
no."
Sometimes your career will present you
with similarly clear-cut decisions, where you know your answer
is a definite "no
thanks" right off the bat. In those cases, many of us have
trouble being as categorical in our refusals as we should be, worried that
we’ll burn bridges, anger a boss, or hurt our reputations.
"Saying ‘no’ is not something that
comes naturally to the majority of people," the social psychologist Susan Newman told Fast
Company last year. From an early age, we learn to say
"yes" so regularly that it becomes a nearly reflexive response for
many adults—as does the habit of making ourselves seem more open to something
than we actually are.
From an early age, we learn to
say "yes" so regularly that it becomes a nearly reflexive response
for many adults.
But as Newman sees it, "The fallout from a ‘no’ is rarely as
bad as you think it will be."
In professional situations, there are
two key things to bear in mind when you’re sure you're not interested and don’t
envision your position ever changing. First, it isn’t personal. Just as that
art exhibition will be a great experience for a different kind of person, the
offer to invest in Startup A or to interview for a job at Company B
aren’t fundamentally bad—they just aren’t right for you.
And second, bowing out early and clearly does the offerer a favor.
By making it apparent that you aren’t interested (instead of giving a wishy
washy insincere "maybe"), the person asking for your participation is
free to go elsewhere with their offer and find someone more likely to accept
it. Your rejection might even help them refocus their search.
Here's a perfect example: A reader of
career expert Alison Green’s Ask A Managerblog wrote in to ask how to politely
decline a promotion:
I really don’t want a leadership position. I am happy with what
I’m doing now, and the leadership roles all seem to come with an enormous
amount of stress . . . I don’t want to buy into the more-more-more and
sacrifice my happiness, my comfort, and time with my family for a bigger
paycheck and more responsibilities.
A "hard no" if ever there was one.
"It sounds like you need to be more direct," Green
wisely counseled, proposing a response like this:
I really appreciate your confidence in me and your push for me to
move up, but I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’m really happy with what
I’m doing currently. I don’t want to move into management; I have huge respect
for people who do, but it’s just not me.
Notice that last line, where there’s no whiff of criticism for
either the offer or the offerer: "It’s just not me."
What if you’re leaning against a proposition but might consider
doing something short of what’s being asked of you, but you need to hear more
before deciding? This type of situation may be more common in our careers, and
it’s probably the bigger culprit in our tendency to wind up agreeing to things
we shouldn’t.
You don’t just want to show that you’re
on the fence. The key to delivering an effective "soft no" is to
convey the reasons for your skepticism and explain what
information you’ll need to give a firmer answer.
Back in 1997, the consultant William R. Daniels offered straightforward advice on converting a
probable "no" into a possible "yes" contingent on more
information. "If I'm going to get involved," he told a client who’d
asked to expand a training series Daniels had run that had been a big hit,
"I need to understand more about the project."
If that sounds open-ended, it was, but
it accomplished two things really succinctly: It let Daniels’s client know he
wasn't a sure bet—he didn't lead them on or sound any false notes of feigned
enthusiasm. But, second, it gave his client a chance to pitch him on the
specifics of the new initiative, rather than to try winning
him over based on prior experience.
Daniels showed polite hesitance, avoided anything personal, and
made clear what he'd need to know in order to make a final call.
Sometimes we say "yes" to something that’s a bad match
for us now but might’ve been a good one had we only held out. And while it’s
true that some (or maybe even most) offers have expiration dates, there can be
ways to extend or even renew them later on.
In these cases, briefly explain what prevents you from accepting
the opportunity right now but why it interests you all the same. Then suggest
terms for revisiting it later, and see if that’ll work for the other party.
This type of response is handy because it reflects the big role
that timing plays in our lives and careers (so handy, in fact, that LinkedIn
has a canned auto-response for replying to recruiters’ messages: "Thanks
for reaching out. This isn't a good fit for me now, but let's keep in
touch."). Our jobs tend to subtly prod us in the opposite direction,
though, into seeing opportunities in black or white—they’re there until they’re
not.
"Deadlines can be a good thing,"
The Muse’s Joy C. Lin recently explained. "They help you
gauge whether you’re moving in the right direction and keep you motivated. But
forcing yourself to stick to a schedule when it doesn’t make sense can be
ineffective, and even hold you back."
You can’t schedule you entire career in advance, even though some
offers and opportunities may compel you to (deliberately or otherwise). Haste
can be more than just paralyzing, though, as Lin points out. It can lead us
down blind alleys—or toward regrettable "yeses."
Whereas the worst thing that can happen when you ask to wait and
decide later? Someone gives you a "hard no" and moves on—then so do
you. No hard feelings.
RICH BELLIS
http://www.fastcompany.com/3060441/your-most-productive-self/the-3-types-of-no-you-need-to-master-in-your-career?utm_source=mailchimp&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=fast-company-daily-newsletter-featured&position=1&partner=newsletter&campaign_date=06072016
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