Want to Be More Charismatic?
17 Verbal Habits of Highly Likable People
It starts with you say--and what you know not to say.
We all
know a few people--probably just a few, actually--who win over
everyone they meet. Their charisma is hard to quantify, and yet it makes others feel
at ease and drawn to them.
How do
they do it? One of two ways: either they're born with an instinct, or else they
study what works best and incorporate
those routines into their daily lives.
Chief among these habits are the
verbal messages that they communicate to others. Here are some of the most
important things they do--perhaps as often as every day.
1. They are polite when then can be.
Words like "please" and "thank
you" might be technically unnecessary but they're invaluable if you
want to be more charismatic. Want to see an example? Watch this video of an
extremely polite and apologetic armed robber--especially starting around the
23-second mark--and tell me you don't feel a bit of sympathy for him (even if
you still think he needs to go to jail).
2. They acknowledge small favors.
"You're welcome." These two short
words communicate much more than "no problem" (or, of course,
"yup") when someone thanks you for something. Likable people
appreciate being thanked, and they pay it back verbally.
3. They offer meaningful praise.
The key word here is "meaningful."
Charismatic people give sincere compliments--never bashful, never obsequious.
When someone merits praise, they say so.
4. They express sincere empathy.
They
use phrases like, "That must have made
you feel proud," or "I can imagine you must feel angry," thus both exploring and validating other people's
feelings. (Because here's a little secret: Everybody wants to be understood.)
5. They share useful information.
Some people like to hoard
information because they think it makes them more powerful. Don't be that
person. Important caveat, however: Truly likable people understand
that "information" and "rumors" are not the same
thing.
6. They offer to help.
Many of us want to contribute to our society,
but we often don't know where to begin. The most charismatic people among us
start simply by looking for chances to help--in their families, in their
communities, and in the small moments of their day-to-day lives. (Note to
America: Hold doors for people coming in behind you!)
7. They speak with
justifiable confidence.
They don't boast or brag. But when faced with
challenging situations--especially things that affect other
people--they're the ones who approach the problem with an air of calmness,
curiosity, and confidence. You might hear them saying things
like, "Hmmm. I wonder how we're going to solve this."
8. They use names and titles that connote
respect.
Charismatic people remember other people's
names, and use their titles in circumstances when it makes those
people feel good. It takes a long time to earn titles like
"doctor" or police officer, for example; why not use them?
9. They express their faith in others.
Four
simple words: "I believe in you." My old boss Bob Woodward
used to talk about how a few small words of encouragement from Ben
Bradlee, his editor at The Washington Post, were all he needed to feel he could succeed as a
journalist. That kind of validation from others can inspire
achievement--and affection for the person who gives the validation.
10. They remember that they're part of a
team.
A sense of camaraderie makes tough
situations bearable. Having a sense of humor can even make them
fun. Really charismatic people are the ones who say things like,
"Hey, we're all in it together" during tough times--and then work
hard to achieve the team's goals.
11. They make introductions.
Want
to know five of the nicest words anyone can ever say to two people at the
same time? "I'd like you to meet...." We're all networkers these days, I suppose, but
truly charismatic people are the ones who are out to help others meet
still more people--rather than just building their own networks.
12. They take their turn.
Likable people aren't afraid to step up when
it's their turn to do something enjoyable, or even to bear the burden of
something that isn't so great. In other words, they can take a compliment or be
gracious, but they're also the ones who remember when it's their turn to pick
up the tab for lunch.
13. They let others make their own decisions.
Truly charismatic people have confidence in
their opinions--but they also recognize that other people may
legitimately see things differently, and that they have to choose their
own paths in life. Moreover, charismatic leaders aren't afraid to delegate, and
then to trust others to accomplish what they've asked them to do.
14. They listen--and they want to hear
more.
Highly likable people are active and sincere
listeners. You can tell them your opinion or a story or ask for their
advice, and they respond with questions and verbal cues that suggest they're
present in the moment--interested, even. For any of us, our time is our most
valuable resource, and yet they're more than willing to give it to you.
15. They take responsibility.
When it's their job or their fault, they
step up. They take control of the things they're supposed to have control over.
It makes sense: Reliable people are often very likable.
16. They voice their support.
We all appreciate people who stand by us and
who let us know that they're there. In the military it's called
having the other guy's "six"--his backside position. Think of someone
who showed you support when you needed it and tell me you
didn't think of him or her as highly likable in that moment.
17. They ask, "Why not?"
Likable
people are often dreamers, optimists, and doers. RFK put it best:
"There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I
dream of things that never were, and ask why not?"
BY BILL MURPHY JR.
http://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/want-to-be-more-charismatic-17-verbal-habits-of-highly-likable-people.html?cid=em01014week08a
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