I Have It All—so Why Am I Not Happy?
I used to spend long nights wide awake,
wandering around our huge house, wondering what I was missing in my life. I
blamed myself for feeling this way. How could I be ungrateful when I had it
all—a beautiful family, an amazing career in journalism and politics, a
successful business, and even the perfect house (white picket fence included)?
I grew up with the conviction that my
studies, my job, and my perfect future family would make me happy. I gave my
all to becoming happy and successful. I made sure to be the best girlfriend,
the best mom, and the best daughter I could be. I lived like a robot, trying
hard to live up to my own and others’ expectations.
My story is not unique. We live in a world
filled with demands and expectations—what’s right and wrong, good and bad, what
will show success and not failure. There are many voices telling us what to
wear, what to eat, how to exercise, whom to marry, and what we should achieve.
Even our
bodies are great targets for judgment. In our quest
to fit in and do the right thing, we create stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and
depression. Not feeling great, or even well, has become the norm for many.
Then I made an amazing discovery: I realized
I had been living someone else’s life. Other people’s. Society’s. My family’s.
Anyone's but my own.
What was missing in my life wasn’t another
promotion, a higher salary, or a more perfect man. What was missing was me.
Today I no longer try to fit in or be
perfect. I had lived so much life based on what other people expected that I
didn’t even know what was true for me anymore.
Sound familiar? Here are five questions that
I ask daily to create a life where I’m included—a life that's different, more
joyful, and vibrant.
Create the Life You Really
Want
1. Am I acknowledging myself?
Most people look for someone else to
acknowledge them when they’re not acknowledging themselves. In the past, what I
really longed for was to be seen. To be validated. Today I know that only I—no
one else—can give myself a sense of worth. Acknowledging that opens up the
magical place I knew as a little girl, the magical place where everything is
possible, because everything I need is within me.
It also helps to actively choose to see
what’s beautiful and amazing instead of what’s missing and wrong. When you wake
up, see the sunlight streaming through the window, not the wallpaper that needs
fixing. When the familiar voice in your head says there’s something wrong with
you or that you’re not good enough, just say to yourself, "Stop!"
Then tell yourself, "I’m brilliant, just the way I am." Be your own
cheerleader.
2. What do I truly want to do?
Ask yourself: If I were to include myself and
my desires in my choices, what would I choose? Do I want to travel the world?
Do I want to live out in the suburbs or move into the city? Do I want to become
a politician or a volunteer in Ghana? Only you know what is true for you. Start
asking questions to access your knowing.
If I were to include myself and my desires in my choices, what would I
choose?
Not sure whether to accept that job offer?
Imagine being at that job. Being in that office or gym or classroom. Do you
feel light or heavy? If you feel heavy within yourself, you know that job isn’t
right for you or that something needs to change before it is. You don’t need to
start practicing this technique with something as big as a career change. Start
with small decisions—what movie to see, what to eat for dinner, whom to hang
out with over the weekend.
3. Who says that's true?
We’re all spiritually, emotionally, and
physically aware beings. We pick up stuff from the world around us—and the
result is that many of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions aren’t our own.
Instead we pick them up in different conversations, situations, and motivations
from those around us.
If you find yourself buying into a point of
view that doesn’t feel right, ask yourself: Is this point of view mine? Did I
buy into it somewhere along the line? Am I choosing what’s true for me or what
everyone else is choosing? In the movie Runaway Bride, there’s a
breakfast scene in which Richard Gere asks Julia Roberts what kind of eggs she
likes. Her response: “Whatever you're having.” With each of her three former
fiancés, their favorite eggs had been her favorite eggs. Have you ever asked
yourself what kind of eggs you really like?
4. What's not working in my life?
Cut out those things that aren't working—and
add the things and the people that make you happy. Sign up for that yoga class
you never seem to have time for. Set aside a night to have dinner with friends
who make you smile. Paint your office. Join Toastmasters. Go out dancing. Book
that trip you've always wanted to go on. Shake things up!
Most of us keep creating our lives more or
less within our comfort zone. Repeating slightly different versions of past
choices feels familiar and helps us predict the outcome. Even though this often
means that we recreate undesirable and destructive situations, we imagine that
stepping out of our comfort zone to try something new must be worse. What would
you choose if you knew that was a lie?
5. What if there’s nothing wrong with me?
Instead of judging your body because you
think it’s not thin enough to fit media-set expectations, try expressing your
gratitude for its wisdom and its beauty, for all it’s done for you, for how
it’s carried you through your life and still does.
Instead of judging yourself for being foolish, you might congratulate
yourself for daring to choose something different, something you feel is right.
If you find yourself wanting to switch career
paths—to leave that perfect job for a startup or one that pays less but will
make you happier—instead of judging yourself for being foolish, you might
congratulate yourself for daring to choose something different, something you
feel is right.
The Bottom Line
Understanding how the different points of
view around you become the filters through which you see and create your life
opens a space where you can start looking at them and asking if they serve you.
If they don’t, why keep them? They’re not you. You are.
If only you and your point of view creates
your reality, then who are you? What can you create? What is possible for you?
I invite you to take hold of your life and your future. Start living today for
you! You’ll be amazed at what unfolds.
This is a guest post written by Lisa Henriksson, author of I Was Supposed to Be Happy.
http://greatist.com/live/why-am-i-not-happy-with-life?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_content=story3_cta&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter_2016-02-22_mails_daily_new_header
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