PERSONAL FRIENDS SPECIAL ...How do we choose friends and why?

How do we choose friends and why?





Are you choosy about friends or do you just let friendships happen to you? Beware, for therein lies the difference between a life well lived and one barely lived

Are you the kind who steps out and be friends people ­ or do you wait for others to reach out to you? Further, do you just befriend whoever is in your environment, or scout for and identify people you would really like to know?
In short, are you choosy about friends or do you allow friendships to happen to you? After all, unlike blood ties, we have the option of choosing friends.Although, scientists at University of California and Yale would have us believe there is a genetic pattern to our friendships too. Their research establishes that friends share around one per cent of our DNA ­ as much as we share with our fourth cousins! So of the infinite choices, even though we may not know our own four-times-removed cousins, we end up choosing friends who resemble them.

That surely cannot happen without a reason. Do we look for `people like us' to befriend? Plato had said similarity begets friendship. Aristotle said, “We love those who are like ourselves.“ Popular adages about friends run ­ “Birds of a feather flock together“ or “Friends are the family we choose“ or “A man is known by the company he keeps.“

So, is striking friendship a self-validation by grouping with similar people? The reassurance that we are all connected and think, feel and react like each other? Research proves that humans and animals strike friendships with those who have traits similar to their own ­ personality, build and general look as well.

Or are friendships, as evolutionary biologists insist, more of a reciprocal nature based on mutual benefit? Are friendships strategic social alliances to keep us prepared in case battle lines get drawn? Or worse, are they politically motivated? Obviously there are all kinds. But the kind of friendship that you can sink into with comfort and trust is that with friends you get unconditional support from ­ those who are non-judgmental, sensitive, have the time to hear you out, and give you due regard and advice. People you can be yourself with, and those who do not put on an act. Importantly, the best friendships are between people who share the same value system, stick with each other through thick and thin, and do not hesitate to speak the truth, however unpalatable it might be.

Friends play a significant role in our lives. It wouldn't be wrong to say that in our choice of friends, we are also charting the course of our destiny to some extent. We all have a tendency to pick up habits and behaviour, adopt opinions, and yes, even dreams and value systems of those we interact significantly with. And this is exactly why a good backbone of friendships can become your greatest strength, while weak friends can be a disaster.

Friends can help you resist temptation by providing non-judgmental moral support. They can be a great help in trying times. Researchers have proved that those who are friendless are more likely to take financial risks in their loneliness. Surrounding your self with confident and motivated people is a secret to success.

Tempted to give up just before exams in a moment of panic? Here comes the motivated, disciplined friend to help you along. Don't feel like hitting the gym to day? But your friend will be at it, waiting for you to join. Always planning, but never executing? A good friend will motivate you into getting down to the task. An Australian University study proves that having friends is a secret to longevity and also to better health in old age. A study says those with a large network of friends outlive their counterparts by 22 pc.

And so, you should not just live out good friendships, but rather live them up! And yes, like all good things, friendships too need constant airing and working on. There is, of course, great comfort to well-lived patterns and the sameness of things. But there is an element of boredom to that as well.

What works best is the comfort of the old and tested along with the sheen of the new and exciting; friends you can share naughty indulgences with, who also help you stay away from temptation; those who cushion you in tough times but also push you into bettering yourself.

vinitadawra nangia

TL7FEB16