How to Stop Being a Perfectionist
Have you ever allowed your desire to
do something perfectly keep you from doing it at all? Shortly after joining
Toastmasters two years ago, I had the worst perfectionism -- induced,
ego-bashing experience of my life.
I had written an awesome second
speech and practiced and polished it until it was absolutely perfect. On the
day that I was to present it, I stood up in front of a room full of people and
promptly forgot everything that I was going to say. It was horrible.
I finally managed to struggle my way
through it and everyone was very nice in the evaluations, pointing out all the
things that they liked about the speech, but I was devastated. The
perfectionist in me was so focused on how badly I had screwed up on something
that I had worked so hard on that I was completely unable to see anything good
about my performance at all.
The problem with
perfectionism
Perfectionists are people who strive
for flawlessness in everything they do. They set exceedingly high performance
standards for themselves and tend to be extremely critical when evaluating
their own efforts and results.
In my experience, the problem with
perfectionism is that if you never feel like you measure up to your own
standards, you're constantly focused on negativity and always in a state of
stress. Perfectionism can also lead to a habit of avoiding situations that
could help you to expand your skills and accomplish your goals, if the fear of
failure overshadows the desire for growth.
After my disastrous speech I decided
I had two choices: I could either slink away from the public speaking world
with my cheeks burning and my head down, or I could pick myself up and try it
again. I decided to take the second approach.
In order to do that, though, I
realized that I needed to find ways to let go of my perfectionism so that I
could focus on what I wanted to achieve rather than wasting time and energy
wallowing in my mistakes. I needed to stop focusing so much on what I thought I
was doing wrong and start thinking about what I was doing right. In short, I
needed a complete mindset-makeover.
Strategies for getting
over perfectionism
At first, the thought of such a
mental shift was daunting -- how do you get rid of an ingrained pattern of
thinking? But then I realized that perfectionism is really just another
habit... and habits can be changed. So I started small, with simple little
strategies to slowly shift the way I looked at myself and my speaking
performances. Over time, these little techniques helped me to overcome my
perfectionism habit and become a better and far more confident speaker.
Here are the five strategies I found
most helpful; if you're struggling with perfectionism in your own life, give
them a try and get yourself back on track to accomplishing your own goals, too!
Strategy #1: Look for
the Positive.
While you may think that your
performance was awful in every way, there is always at least one thing that you
did well. Focus on that thing and see if there's a way that you can use that
strength to improve your next attempt.
Strategy #2: Reframe
Your Thoughts.
When you find yourself slipping into
self-criticism mode, actually tell yourself: "Stop!" Reframe your
thought into something more positive, such as: "It's OK; everybody has a
bad performance once in a while. You'll do better next time!"
Strategy #3: Be Your
Own Friend.
If your friends talked to you the
same way you talk to yourself, you wouldn't keep them as friends. Think about
what you'd say to your best friend if he or she was in your shoes and give
yourself some encouragement, instead!
Strategy #4: Adjust
Your Standards.
Do you have higher standards for
yourself than you do for anyone else in your life? If so, then perhaps your
standards are unrealistic. What would you expect from someone else in your
situation? If you'd be happy with your performance if it had come from someone
else, then give yourself the recognition you deserve.
Strategy #5: Focus on
Action.
Subjecting yourself to constant
negative self-talk isn't going to improve your abilities and will just make you
feel bad about yourself, so do something useful instead and ask yourself what
one thing you can improve on for your next performance. Focus on taking
positive, constructive action to work on that one thing.
Perfectionism can really put a
wrench in your ability to achieve your goals. When things don't go as planned
give these strategies a try before your inner critic kicks in, and you'll be
back in the game in no time. Always remember that you don't have to be perfect
in order to be amazing!
Nathalie Thompson
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nathalie-thompson/how-to-stop-being-a-perfectionist_b_7205844.html?ncid=newsltushpmg00000003&ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in
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