9 Ways Mentally-Strong People Prevent
Self-Pity From Becoming Self-Destructive
Whether you've been dumped by your
partner, or you're facing a financial crisis, throwing a pity party won't help.
In fact, feeling sorry for yourself can become downright self-destructive. It
makes overcoming adversity difficult -- if not impossible -- and it keeps you
stuck.
Mentally-strong people refuse to
allow self-pity to sabotage their success. Instead, they use life's inevitable
hardships as a way to grow stronger and become better. Here's how
mentally-strong people avoid the self-pity trap:
1. They Face Their
Feelings
Mentally-strong people allow
themselves to experience emotions like grief, disappointment, and loneliness
head on. They don't distract themselves from uncomfortable emotions by
questioning whether their problems are fair, or by convincing themselves
they've suffered more than those around them. They know the best way to deal
with discomfort is to just get through it.
2. They Recognize Warning
Signs of the Downward Spiral
When you focus on everything that is
going wrong in your life, your thoughts become exaggeratedly negative. And
those negative thoughts will negatively affect your behavior if you dwell on
them. The combination of negative thinking and inactivity fuels further
feelings of self-pity. Mentally strong people recognize when they're at risk of
becoming caught in this downward spiral and they take action to prevent
themselves from living a pitiful life.
3. They Question Their
Perceptions
Our emotional state influences how
we perceive reality. When you're feeling sorry for yourself, you're likely to
focus on the bad things going on in your life, while overlooking the good.
Mentally strong people question whether their thoughts represent reality.
They ask themselves questions like,
"Is my luck always bad?" or "Is my entire life really
ruined?" Asking themselves these types of questions allows them to
recognize when they're outlook isn't realistic. This allows them to create a more
realistic perception of their situation.
4. They Turn their
Negative Thoughts into Behavioral Experiments
Mentally strong people don't allow
their negative thinking to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, when
they find themselves thinking things like, "I could never put on a
presentation as good as this one," they respond by saying, "Challenge
accepted!" They perform behavioral experiments to prove their negative
thinking wrong.
5. They Reserve their
Resources for Productive Activities
Every minute you spend hosting your
own pity party is 60 seconds you delay working on a solution. Mentally strong
people refuse to waste their precious time and energy dwelling on their misery.
Instead, they devote their finite resources to productive activities that can
improve their situation.
6. They Practice
Gratitude
It's impossible to feel self-pity
and gratitude at the same time. While self-pity is about thinking, "I
deserve better," gratitude is about thinking, "I have more than I
need." Mentally strong people recognize all that they have to be grateful
for in life -- right down to the fresh air to breathe and clean water to drink.
7. They Help Other
People
It's hard to feel sorry for your
problems when you're helping those who are less fortunate. Problems like
demanding customers or declining sales don't seem so bad when you're reminded
that there are people who lack food and shelter. Rather than ruminate on their
own inconveniences, mentally strong people strive to improve the lives of
others.
8. They Refuse to
Complain
Venting to other people about the
magnitude of your problems fuels feelings of self-pity. Mentally strong people
don't try to gain sympathy from others by complaining about their difficult
circumstances. Instead, they either take action to make things better, or they
accept the situations that they can't change.
9. They Maintain an
Optimistic Outlook
Some of life's problems can't be
prevented nor solved. The loss of loved ones, natural disasters, and certain
health conditions are problems that most people will face at one time or
another. Mentally strong people keep an optimistic outlook about their ability
to handle whatever life throws their way.
Build Mental Strength
Developing mental strength is
similar to building physical strength. If you wanted to become physically
strong you'd need good habits -- like lifting weights. But you'd also need to
get rid of bad habits, like eating too many sweets. Developing mental strength
requires good habits -- and it also requires you to give up destructive habits,
like self-pity.
Everyone has the ability to build
mental strength. By developing an increased ability to regulate your thoughts,
manage your emotions and behave productively despite your circumstances, you'll
grow stronger and become better.
Amy Morin
Psychotherapist and author of '13
Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do'
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morin/9-ways-mentally-strong-pe_b_7214826.html?ncid=newsltushpmg00000003&ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in
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