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Let’s face it: Bosses aren’t
perfect. And sometimes, they need to know it. But scary as it may be, there are
some steps you can take to be sure that any
feedback conversation is
both diplomatic and productive.
Consider
the Cost-Benefit
I’ve noticed over the years, people
seem much more comfortable sharing their opinions than they did when I first
started out—which can be a good thing. But, as a result, people sometimes say
things that may have been better left unsaid, or at least, should’ve been said
in a more diplomatic way.
When I first
started out as a manager, I had one such employee. He was
bright, and a great worker, so I often appreciated his candor as it related to
day-to-day problem-solving. But, when he cornered me in front of the whole team
and told me I was going about a task incorrectly, I was stunned. In an instant,
he had destroyed my credibility with the team (not to mention shattered my
confidence).
Worse, when I pulled him aside later
to discuss, it turned I wasn’t doing anything wrong, just different from how
their old manager had. Over time, we both recognized that my approach worked
just as well, but it took months to repair the damage to my confidence and my
authority. The price of that comment was pretty high, with little to no
benefit.
While feedback is important for both
of you, take the time to consider whether your input truly needs to be
delivered, how sharing it will impact your manager, and whether that
information will end up helping—or hurting—you in the long run. As they say,
pick your battles. Deliver the feedback you really think your boss needs to
hear—and do it the right way.
Write
it Down
Telling your boss she’s not meeting
your expectations is scary, so don’t rely on your improved skills to carry you through
this type of discussion. Instead, take time to collect and write down your
thoughts.
The first time I approached a
manager about an issue I was having with his performance, I thought I could
just wing it, and didn’t bother to jot down any notes. About 30 seconds into
the conversation, I deeply regretted that oversight. First of all, my boss
wasn’t expecting to receive feedback from an employee outside the annual review
season, so I was immediately caught up in trying to explain myself and why we
were there. By the time I’d stumbled through an explanation, I was so
tongue-tied and nervous that I ended up just blurting out everything that
bothered me about him. Needless to say, that conversation did not go well.
Jot down a few general areas of
concern, focusing on issues you think are truly critical to address, and any
supporting details that will help spark a productive discussion—the frantic
phone calls you get from her boss when she’s 10 minutes late to a meeting, for
example. Then, stick to the script. While it may be tempting to pile on every
little pet peeve, if it isn’t in your notes, don’t bring it up. Keep the
discussion focused on the topics you’ve prepared to address, and save the
little stuff for another time. If it wasn’t important enough to make it into
your notes, it can wait.
Also, never send these notes to
anyone via email, just write them down the good old-fashioned way, and shred
them when you’re done. Unless there’s a serious problem, no one needs to know about this but you and your boss, and
respecting his or her privacy on the matter will assure you both can address
the issue without any unwanted input from your colleagues.
Stay
Classy—and Specific
As important as preparing what
you’ll say is spending time thinking about how you’ll say it. The way you begin
this interaction will set the tone for the entire discussion, and can mean the
difference between a productive conversation and a, well, terrible one.
Bottom line: Keep it classy,
professional, and kind. When dealing with your bosses, it can be easy to forget
they’re human, too, and assume their skin is impervious to criticism—but trust
me, it’s not.
Rather than simply telling your boss
point-blank, you think she’s doing something wrong, approach her privately and
ask if you could schedule some time to chat. Then, let her know what you’d like
to discuss in general terms—for example, if she’s habitually late for morning meetings, tell her you’d like to
get her thoughts on the morning meetings. By giving her the right context,
you’ll give her a chance to start mulling over how to improve the situation—and
might even inspire her to address
her tardiness before you have to. But, even if you do have to bring it up
directly, by maintaining your professionalism, you’ll help ensure your feedback
is heard in a constructive setting.
Remember, this is not a free pass to
unload on your boss, rather, it’s an opportunity for you to show how you handle
a particular situation or how specifically you can both work better together.
After all, that’s what you’re trying to achieve.
Be
Wary of Solicited Feedback
Finally, a warning on solicitations
of feedback from your boss: This may seem counterintuitive—if she actually asks
you for feedback, that means she wants to hear out all your thoughts, right?
Well, that’s only partially true. If you ask your significant other how you
look in those
jeans you just bought, part of you wants an honest answer, but the other is hoping
for a glowing review. It’s not so different with your boss.
That first time a boss asked me for
feedback, I didn’t realize she was trying to get answers to a few specific
questions, rather than my general input on how she was doing. She had just had
a review with senior management, and they felt her team needed more guidance on
a particular product offering, so she was speaking to the entire team to get a
sense for how comfortable they felt with the information she’d provided. She
did not, it turned out, want to know I found her habitual tardiness and long
lunches demoralizing.
If a manager comes to you for
feedback, make sure you’re both giving her what she wants and having the
discussion on your own terms. For example, if your boss pops by your desk and
asks how you think she’s doing, tell her you appreciate the opportunity to
share your thoughts, and ask her to go into more detail about what she’s hoping
to learn.
Then, when you have a better idea of
what she’s after, try to schedule a specific time to talk, so you’ll have time
to think through your answers. Trust me, it’ll be a better, more productive
conversation for both of you. Also, recognize that if you’re planning on
bringing up any criticisms, you should be going through steps 1 through 3
above. Just because your boss asked for the feedback doesn’t mean you should
skimp on the preparation—and just because she asked how she’s doing managing
the project does not mean she wants to hear she’s screwing it all up.
Sharing feedback with your boss
takes a lot of thought, preparation, and empathy—this is not something you
approach lightly. But, with careful planning, you can still give your manager
the feedback he or she needs to help both of you succeed.
Jennifer Winter http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2013/02/18/giving-feedback-to-your-boss-like-a-boss
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