How do you deal with disappointment?
Disappointment is inevitable; it is
how you deal with it that sets the blueprint for the rest of your life
Everyone has at least one sourfaced relative, friend or
neighbour, with an embittered soul who never has a good thing to say about
anyone or anything. Such people move around with curdled expressions and
malevolent eyes, nary a smile on their lips… Do you think life has dealt them a
more unfair deal than to others? What embittered them so much that their view
of the world and fellow beings became so jaundiced?
Though some do get more than their share of disappointments, I
believe that we have the inner strength to deal with whatever life doles out.
It is not the amount of grief or disappointment that comes one’s way, but the
manner of dealing with it that shapes a person’s character. Those who can take
the good and bad, success and failure, victory and disappointment with the same
equanimity are the ones who pass the test of life. It is your response to
setbacks that set the blueprint for how life treats you for rest of the
journey.
When disappointed with something or someone, how do you react?
Do you get angry or depressed? Do you sulk or start a blame game? Or do you
withdraw into yourself, discouraged and defeated, to lick your wounds in
self-pity?
Disappointments are inevitable for everyone. Expectations cannot
always be met to our satisfaction, nor can all dreams be fulfilled. People will
not always act as we wish them to, nor relationships proceed in the manner we
plan. Parents won’t always approve what you have set your heart on; lovers
won’t always dole out ardour and compliments; children won’t always aim to
please, nor promotions and increments turn out dreamy and satisfying. When
things don’t go our way, disenchantment is natural.
If we allow it to, disappointment could lead to sadness,
grumpiness, disillusionment, discouragement or helpless anger. We often tend to
vent our spleen on those closest to us, which of course leads to further issues.
Most of the caustic, antisocial people we come across, those whom we label
‘frustrated souls’, have been repeatedly disappointed in life and not dealt
with it right. Some even develop sour facial features, so deep is the surliness
etched into their souls. Surely you do not wish to end up in that category?
The first step towards dealing with disappointments with
maturity is to set realistic expectations. Even while doing so, keep room for
disappointment. Do not get into anything expecting disappointment of course –
that would be a sure recipe for disaster. But do keep Plan B ready. If your
plans or expectations are thwarted, allow yourself time for disappointment;
there is nothing wrong in feeling disappointed or disillusioned. Wallow in the
emotion for a bit; understand what you are experiencing and what the loss means
to you. Just know you have to snap out of it soon and in time you will get over
it – whatever it is.
This also gives you time and the opportunity to assess the
situation and your position. Getting a perspective is important. How big will
the impact of this disappointment be in your life? How can you minimise the
damage? Do you see a silver lining and can you try and make the most of it?
Once you accept the situation, it is easier to move away, take
an objective view and plan future action. Maybe you can be allowed another
chance – assess if you would like to take it or pass it up for something else.
Or, maybe all doors are firmly closed and you need to look towards something
else. That is okay too. Life offers so many options – and gives you several
chances to make good your mistakes or disappointments. Take those chances.
While you have life and health and a positive outlook, you can
always move on towards other, different victories. The key is in not letting
yourself be dejected, to accept and objectively assess before moving on…
VinitaDawra.Nangia@timesgroup.com
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